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My soul destroying outcome - because I didn't listen to wise heads on here
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Dear All.

I have written here before a number of times, mostly frantic with worry or at unjust steps along the way. These included but not exhaustive
  • Ex is a qualified Barrister, so kicked off the process 1 ahead of me in "destroying me" armed also with her plan
  • First social worker fired (not because of me, just her own incompetence) after 6 months of me dealing, but not before I found out she lied about me needing a "report" from them before even going to Court
  • 2nd Social Worker, corrected that, but said he would produce his "own", which took another 4 months, not weeks as he said, by which time I had lost the rag with all of them, Liars that they were
  • I NOW know, he actually finished off SW No1 report, but buried this on My ex objections (non-critical of me, and which would have given me the 'Report' i thought I needed to go to Court 
  • Armed with this knowledge, and he knew it, he tried to get of of appearing, was ordered to come, and so pulled a 'sicky', so his evidence (by now, actually useful to me) was also not heard, 
  • CAFCASS - Found out later upon my written complaint (but before the final judgement) that this lady was "new" to CAFCASS, spent just 1 appt, 90 mins, with my 2 alienated kids before pronouncing me guilty of DV and addicted to painkillers, alcoholic etc etc. 'Got my daughter' to complete her unfavourable "Dear Judge Letter.." over the phone with her (no risks there are there) since her Laptop had run out of charge ! True
  • CAFCASS were torn to shreds in court, since by her admission, she didn't know what a SCOTT (allegation) even schedule was, hadn't read it, nor the case file (except a summary) and didn't know what the word acquitted meant - quite important since my Ex's persecution OF ME, had seen me acquitted twice
  • CAFCASS replied basically saying they were copying in the Judge, my tone was unacceptable (think they meant, racist, which I mist certainly am not around her Language skills (I hadn't realised anything other than her English/Understanding was V Difficult, but found out in their response, she was actually from Nigeria, so "no surprise she wouldn't understand acquitted" Is it ? Is that what we now have to accept by 'outsourcing' our childrens' lives (and mine at the same time)
Anyway, my over-arching piece of advice is to sit on the bloomin stand, and even if sticking pins into yourself 
  • However absolutely incompetent the chain of authorities are you come across, don't have them saying about you (even if true as In my case) that you "are an extremely angry Individual"
  • be polite to her confrontational Barrister. 
  • Don't get annoyed/angry intent on showing her Barrister up as the idiots they are There is NO DOUBT that had I been on trial for Murder, I would've got off. My arguments back were technically immense. But now I realise, despite having been advised (on HERE) how I was 'supposed to be' showing what a good, CALM, Dad I was, I didn't. I only proved what my Ex claimed about me
  • Judge's, like mine (female) , STILL refuse to believe that Men can be emotionally or otherwise, abused by Women (in the main) so don't bank on that being any kind of Joker Card, but beware evidence being used in reverse, written or otherwise, which the Judge most certainly seems to allow (#MeToo one thinks)
  • Ignore ALL advice to not burden the court with your own witnesses and/or testimonies, because in the end, my decision to simply defend HER false accusations which I thought her lying family would trip themselves up on anyway in evidence, just provided them an opportunity to stick the boot in, and not onE SINGLE PERSON was seen (or read) to support me, despite their being loads who had offered. BIG MISTAKE. Let the Judge have to sit through it, even if they 'think' they will ignore it or it takes up their time, it is important to hear someone defend your character and relationship with the kids. This I will never forgive myself for allowing MY Barrister to persuade me against sadly. If all they hear are negatives, then that's that in my view.
Suffice to say, I lost. The Judge hated me, thought I was arrogant but chose todescribed me as "highly Intelligent, but Prince or Pauper I imagine, basically said, she could "see how" I might have been the person I was described as being. I am not even suitable for a DVPP programme (according to Incompetent CAFCASS) and genuinely not sure where this leaves me, unless I should today (just 24 hrs after) begin to assume I will all but never see them again. I'm not sure holding out for a DVPP certificate is one of those false positives, and will just set my terrible mental health back to being in the 'waiting and hoping' stage, as it has been for 2 years, and with which I for one, have not been able to cope.

Yours in Sadness but advice nonetheless Angry
Very sorry to hear. Pls keep strong.
So sorry to hear you've had such a bad time. Don't blame yourself or think you did anything wrong. It sounds biased. Your ex is a Barrister so it's bound to be. I heard of another case recently where the ex was a Doctor and seemed to have influence with social services and Cafcass. It is a common ploy of Barristers to push you into getting angry and then claiming you have anger problems and very hard to stay calm but you're right the advice to stay calm whatever is thrown at you is good. It sounds like your Barrister didn't do a good enough job of exposing the ex under cross examination and/or that the Judge was a bit biased (that comes down to luck).

What is the outcome? In terms of any order? Wondering if you should appeal.
So was there anything ordered? nothing?
Dear All,

thank you for your kind words of support.

What was ordered is a chance to send my Son (not my Daughter, who is not 'biologically mine, even though I raised her) a MONTHLY Card via the YMCA. 

My stand-in Barrister sent the Order to me the next day, indicating that HER Barrister had forgotten something, and wanted it added, that Parental Alienation had not been proven ironically. Without being in a state to read it, I simply said to approve it, not realising that a clear and deliberate in my view, confused order had been written down by her, needing our approval. HER version said that If I paid for it at my expense (naturally), the YMCA should 'encourage' my Son to respond, failing which, the Mother could simply slot in a return note (of a load of crap no doubt) about how he's doing, what he's doing etc. In actual fact, as i said to my Barrister when I read it today, that is NOT what the Judge said, as she had given me one glimmer of normal expectations, namely that the Mother herself was NOT to be able to do this and it should be conducted by someone at the YMCA under THEIR (Independent) encouragement. In horror, I emailed my Barrister, who said it had already been approved, and rather than fight with him since HE should have spotted this, not me, I simply asked him to UNAPPROVE it. 2 phone calls and emails later, I have still to hear back, and so I'm sitting thinking that even the one thing I was granted, was stolen from me, by her sneering Barrister, no stranger to misleading the court (all in a good cause though, since she is busy protecting women from Imaginary wife-beaters/Junkies/Angry folk or whatever mind)

Actually, I have remembered also, that the Judge order that my Son's name, which she wanted double-barrelled with hers (and her ex-husbands name, whom she is back with) was to remain same as mine. Grateful that she didn't obliterate his entire Family history, however that too, was 'strangely' not on the order I was too upset to even read, but have pointed out to my Barrister.  

I am not deemed suitable for a DVPP since I do not even come close to accepting that I have ever abused her (other than shouting at her, but only in a limited period of time, and before I left). Anyway, no admission of guilt, and willingness to parade through London with rotten fruit being chucked at me by Women's Aid members, means I will NEVER be eligible to see him. That is unless my Son fights for it himself, pretty difficult for someone who has clearly been manipulated to date, and so if it is ever to happen, it will happen when he is ready, whenever that may be. Sadly, that seems like another life, and I don;t have the energy to keep going to that point I don't think. 

Good luck to everyone and I sincerely hope that each and every one of you gets what you are due, justice in most cases, and speedy justice at that.

That is terrible. Sounds like alienation at its worst and not recognised by the court. It is very hard to prove without official reports from psychologists on both parents and that can cost a lot of money. How old is your son? Don't give up. You maybe need to recover from this right now but don't give up. Things may change.
(05-18-2018, 10:17 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: That is terrible.  Sounds like alienation at its worst and not recognised by the court.  It is very hard to prove without official reports from psychologists on both parents and that can cost a lot of money.  How old is your son?  Don't give up.  You maybe need to recover from this right now but don't give up.  Things may change.

Hey Charlie7000

I got together with her 14 yrs ago,  when she was apparently 'ready' to leave her Marriage - all over she said. First time she left me, she faked her ex- having attempted suicide.Turned out, years later, there was no suicide attempt, she and he, had gone to France for 2 weeks. 

My son is now 10. I never called him (aargh) but m own brother was a witness to her turning up at my house with my son, twice in one day, after our split in 2016. This was virtually One week after having begun to build her story, she had the Police installing panic alarms in her house, so "frightened of him" her statements later said. Despite this, and feeling that a text in evidence from my brother which clearly 'proved' he was upstairs in the house when she and my son arrived (hiding, because she didn't know he lived with me, and he hated her with a passion). So I never actually called my Brother as a witness thinking the text was enough. Whether it was or wasn't, it seems that the Judge must have accepted her fantasy story that she was there only because my son was "fearful of his Dads reaction, since he had spent £100 on his Amazon account". 2 things. One is that it is inconceivable that even if true, a woman with alarms provided to her a week earlier, would risk that under any circumstances. Secondly, her assertion that she "only went to my house once" (a story she was forced to amend from a flat denial once my Brothers text became evident), must inexplicably have been either believed or as is more likely, merely whitewashed by the Judge as with other such damning evidence about her and her behaviour and that of her Family, and testimony's of her by now adult children. The Judge preferring to take a dim view of ME enforcing her adult daughter giving evidence, since she is ONLY 20. Only 20. She preferred to reserve special comment from that, rather than drive the horse and carts she could have through the barely believable 3 hugely differing descriptions of incidents alleged on the SCOTT schedule, which believe me (and as i said earlier) would have seen me walk easily in a Murder trial - but not in the blatantly biased Family Court, or at least in the eyes of this Judge. This could ONLY have been down to me, and my sheer bloody exasperation at what I was hearing, with new allegations made for the very first time during her oral evidence, that I carried two 5" knives. Ably supported in that NEW assertion by her 22 year old son next up. Come on. I'm a Chartered Financial Adviser, she had me arrested many, many times, armed with her Non-Mol she obtained in secret, and yet, no knives ever found on me or in my car or whatever.

In summary, the Judge was "minded to consider the case of XXXX..." where just because a 'victim' lies about one thing, need not mean they lied about the rest (or such words). Perhaps true, but come on. She previously LIED (naturally) and colluded with her adult son, and had me on trial for assaulting him with what were my car keys, having been assaulted by him upon arriving to collect stuff, getting out of my car, holding my car keys funnily enough, then being assaulted by him, lying over the back of a wall defending myself, i quite rightly, used self defence (that's what the Magistrates said as they didn't even ask me to give my testimony to the court, and dismissed the charge at Criminal court). And yet, no mention in any of their statements even at the time of my 'history of carrying two 5" knives" - only made up afresh for  the Family Court. Honestly, I think if I knew i had not been the Injured party throughout, and it was more or less (even if shared) MY fault, I might be able to accept it, but I simply cannot understand against that kind of backdrop how it could EVER have been anything other than ME as opposed to the evidence.

After an entire night without sleeping again, I am wondering now whether I made a mistake on Wednesday in not appealing on the day. The Internet is not clear around this, but my Barrister had said that If I didn't appeal right there and then, then i couldn't, my head was mush and I said I couldn't go on. Of course I am NOW, days later, frantically trying to find another way, and now that I have exhausted ALL of my money, a legal aid solicitor who could help me, and fast.

Apologies - way too long to ask anyone to read, but cathartic for me I suppose - thank you so much for your interest and support

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