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It´s official. I am F**king stupid!!
#1
Well, her goes nothing.

In other posts in another part of the forum I have informed that I was going to move in at the end of this month with my new partner. People were incredulous, and now it seems rightly so.

Until Tuesday we had been together for a couple of months. Amazing sex, spending lots of quality time together. However, on Monday evening things took a turn for the worse. She finished her shift at 10pm, so I went round to her place about 10.30pm with some boxes I had got from work so she could start packing. My packing for the move was pretty much all done.

She sits down to have dinner with her kids and we are chatting. The kids finish dinner, her son goes to his room, and the daughter to the sofa. My partner starts to roll her "special" cigarette and we chat. I was recounting a lads weekend I had 10 years ago, and she went ballistic. "If you think you are going to do those things when we live together, think again". So I tried explaining that it was something I did when I was much younger, when in the relationship with my ex and she also did girls weekends away. It was an occasional thing. to which the response was "So if you occasionally go and screw somebody else, no problem no?". I replied that sex had nothing to do with it, that we went away to Madrid to drink and eat kebabs, to which the reply was "If it was only that then why go all the way to Madrid?". Sensing I was not getting anywhere, it now being 23.30 in the evening and I have to get up at 6-7 am for work I told her we should stop this conversation and that I was going home to bed.

The next morning she fires a whatsapp message at me, that I was childish for having got up and left, that when we lived together if that happened it would be her getting up and leaving and never coming back, and that those kind of lads trips led her to believe I am a chauvinist.

The messages went backwards and forwards until I asked a couple of things:-

1. If we arrange to go out with my friends for a couple of drinks and you decide you don´t want to go, is it going to be a problem if I go? - Response - Your life revolves around alcohol and going out, and that will be a problem. (I usually only go out for 3 beers with them on a Friday afternoon to put it into context)

2. I have to ask you to not smoke or prepare your special cigarettes in front of my son when he is visiting - Response - You must be insane if you think I am going to hide in my own house to smoke just because of your son.

2a. Apart from the fact I do not want my son seeing those things (he is only 5 yo) I am concerned about what possible repercussions there could be in a court case and regards visitation rights if my son goes home and tells mummy that daddy´s girlfriend smokes cigarettes that smell funny - Response - Your son will have to learn to not go home telling mummy what happens in daddy´s house in the same way he shouldn´t be telling daddy what happens in mummy´s house. And don´t be so stupid to think that smoking special cigarettes could be a problem in a court case. Sometimes you seem intelligent and yet you come out with stupid things.

So I told her that´s it, were through. Since then I have had the usual barrage of how I have ruined her life, how I have abandoned her at the first sign of a crisis, how I don´t love her and don´t love anybody etc. Then when the job agency told her not to go into work yesterday (she works at the same company as me) she outright asked me if it was anything to do with me. The final part in the afternoon was that she is feeling really hurt, still loves me, misses me etc.

I have arranged to meet face to face on Sunday to talk, but in all honesty I see no reconciliation possible. I can´t risk getting into anything like that for my own sanity, let alone let my son be dragged into that kind of environment.

The moral of the story is this guys. I have been separated for 9 months. I met what I thought was a great girl. She is apparently a bit of a psycho. Like my dad used to say - The young Bull says to the older bull "Hey, how about we run down to that field and shag a cow?", to which the older bull replies "How about we wander down there and shag a few?".
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#2
Good job you found all this out before you moved in together!

Get with someone in haste repent at liesure...
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#3
Well good God thats a story.
Im going to do nothing more than congratulate you on dodging, not a bullet but an anti tank shell.

On to more important things, did your ex know you were moving in with someone? You need to be VERY careful how this plays out in front of your ex. Meeting a girl, introducing to son, moving in then splitting up is an opposing barristers wet dream [Im guessing]
Equally careful how you deal with your son regarding it all, things will get back to ex.

Thankfully youve caught it just in time to control any damage. You need some calm in your life right now buddy!


Many years ago I had a girl like that, for a few weeks everything was hunky dory. The day after I slept with her she turned Psycho , really, we went out that night and played pool in the pub, she was getting bullish so I seven balled her [not entirely on purpose, its luck] she actually cried, a grown woman!!

(05-17-2018, 11:59 AM)Naive Wrote: Well good God thats a story.
Im going to do nothing more than congratulate you on dodging, not a bullet but an anti tank shell.

On to more important things, did your ex know you were moving in with someone? You need to be VERY careful how this plays out in front of your ex. Meeting a girl, introducing to son, moving in then splitting up is an opposing barristers wet dream [Im guessing]
Equally careful how you deal with your son regarding it all, things will get back to ex.

Thankfully youve caught it just in time to control any damage. You need some calm in your life right now buddy!


Many years ago I had a girl like that, for a few weeks everything was hunky dory. The day after I slept with her she turned Psycho , really, we went out that night and played pool in the pub, she was getting bullish so I seven balled her [not entirely on purpose, its luck] she actually cried, a grown woman!!

Oh dear Ive just had a thought, can the new cow get in contact with the old cow? can you guess where Im going with this. Tread carefully my friend.
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#4
(05-17-2018, 11:59 AM)Naive Wrote: Well good God thats a story.
Im going to do nothing more than congratulate you on dodging, not a bullet but an anti tank shell.

On to more important things, did your ex know you were moving in with someone? You need to be VERY careful how this plays out in front of your ex. Meeting a girl, introducing to son, moving in then splitting up is an opposing barristers wet dream [Im guessing]
Equally careful how you deal with your son regarding it all, things will get back to ex.

Thankfully youve caught it just in time to control any damage. You need some calm in your life right now buddy!


Many years ago I had a girl like that, for a few weeks everything was hunky dory. The day after I slept with her she turned Psycho , really, we went out that night and played pool in the pub, she was getting bullish so I seven balled her [not entirely on purpose, its luck] she actually cried, a grown woman!!

(05-17-2018, 11:59 AM)Naive Wrote: Well good God thats a story.
Im going to do nothing more than congratulate you on dodging, not a bullet but an anti tank shell.

On to more important things, did your ex know you were moving in with someone? You need to be VERY careful how this plays out in front of your ex. Meeting a girl, introducing to son, moving in then splitting up is an opposing barristers wet dream [Im guessing]
Equally careful how you deal with your son regarding it all, things will get back to ex.

Thankfully youve caught it just in time to control any damage. You need some calm in your life right now buddy!


Many years ago I had a girl like that, for a few weeks everything was hunky dory. The day after I slept with her she turned Psycho , really, we went out that night and played pool in the pub, she was getting bullish so I seven balled her [not entirely on purpose, its luck] she actually cried, a grown woman!!

Oh dear Ive just had a thought, can the new cow get in contact with the old cow? can you guess where Im going with this. Tread carefully my friend.


Yes, the old cow knew about the plans to move in with new cow. One of the first things I did was to inform old cow that it is not going ahead due to the issue of the drugs and that I did not want our son around that. She understood and said thanks for thinking about the wellbeing of our son. We have done mediation and agreed terms, and just now waiting for the judge to ask us to go and sign. My fear of visitation rights was that if drug taking in front of my son got back to the ex, that THEN it could turn into a judicial thing.

Regards my son, I told him yesterday that Daddy wasn´t moving in with his girlfriend and that he was staying in the current rented flat. He said "Yeahhhhhh". Then I told him the reason was that Daddy and the girlfriend were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. The first thing he asked was "Will I still get to play with her son?" to which I responded no. He said "Oh", then showed me how he could climb across the monkey bars without stopping. After a few minutes he asked "Why isn´t she your girlfriend anymore?" to which I responded that she was doing something that Daddy didn´t like. He asked what it was, so I answered it is difficult to explain. Then we played chase and nothing more was said. The question may come up again, but I will dodge it if I can. How do you explain that to a 5 yo?

And can New Cow get in contact with Old Cow? I live in a town of 24,000 people, and her son goes to the same school as my son. So unfortunately yes, there is that possibility.
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#5
Don't beat yourself up over it dude, better to find out what she's really like now than to find out later after who knows what crazy stuff.

If that's how she's acting then good riddance. You and your child are better off
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#6
And I am shit scared of repercussions now. Maybe she is psycho enough to try and harm my son??!?!!?!?!?

Do I advise Old Cow that New Cow may go psycho at some point in the school playground?
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#7
Dont go overboard, youve done the right thing and it seems your first ex is on board. Dont worry about new cow too much, just meet with her Saturday [if you still plan to] and give her a sob story. Its only been 9 months, youre not over your ex, you only want a family, need space blah blah blah. If you can walk away with her feeling sorry for you youre in the clear.
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#8
Echo everyone else. Much, much better to find this out now rather than the week after she moved in. I know you’re here for advice but I still don’t like telling people what I would do but.... get some space for yourself and your son and just practice being happy on your own. Cultivate that relationship together and bring other things onboard when everything is really rock solid for you. Even then only if you want to, not because you need to.

Good luck Smile
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#9
(05-18-2018, 12:05 AM)Tamagoto Wrote: Echo everyone else. Much, much better to find this out now rather than the week after she moved in. I know you’re here for advice but I still don’t like telling people what I would do but.... get some space for yourself and your son and just practice being happy on your own. Cultivate that relationship together and bring other things onboard when everything is really rock solid for you. Even then only if you want to, not because you need to.

Good luck Smile

Yep, I have had a lucky escape and it is clear I am not ready yet for a relationship. Like I told my friend yesterday, it appears that great sex comes at too high a price, and I am not willing to pay so much for so little really. The funny thing (or sad thing depending how you look at it) was that when I met this girl I was at a point where I was now getting used to being alone. I was going to the sauna twice a week, swimming with my son twice a week, I was starting to actually prepare meals for myself and look after myself. I was relaxed and feeling pretty good.

The day I told her it was over I had my son that afternoon and we went to the park. We were playing chase, and he was showing me how he could do the monkey bars, scaling from one to the other without stopping or falling. I felt so happy at that moment, laughing with him and him demonstrating his strength. There is no other happiness that compares to that to be honest.

So yes, I have decided to stay single for possibly a long time and concentrate on myself and my son. I really don´t need further complications or anything that could jeopardise my relationship with my son.
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#10
Good man. Get the priorities straight and learn to know yourself Smile
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