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Sticky situation, need advice
#1
So we are three weeks after court, 5/9 day split, lives with mum.

In court the ex actually asked it to be ordered that only her name be put on doctors and school forms. Judges paid no notice and threw it out.

A recital was put in saying that parents are to work together during the transition period of daughter starting school and that they should take child to school together.
All good I thought until ex asked for the recital to be limited to the first week, "otherwise its indefinite" she said.

I agreed and on we go.

Spoke to the school today, having proved PR and explained the situation they tell me that all the information has been sent out and they are surprised my ex hasnt told me. This sets out everything that happens, home visits, acclimatization days etc etc.

So here is my problem, the school starts are staggered and my daughter doesnt start until the second week, hence the ex's request for the recital to be limited to the first week. This basically means that she is deliberately excluding me from the first trips to and from school, something she knows is important to me.

The school are going to send a copy of all the info ex has received, but what do I do now? tell the ex I know and tackle the situation? shut up and keep it as evidence?

The school have a copy of the draft order stating "parents together for school pickups drop off at start of school"
They will then see that ex changed it to the first week knowing it would exclude me.

Having not even met the ex yet they will start to see the insidious games she plays, this could work out well for me as Im sure the school will want to try extra hard to include me after this. Is it best to keep quiet and let ex show the school her true colours?

Any advice welcome.
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#2
In a way the school probably aren't that interested in what she's like. They just need clear documents as to what they and each parent are supposed to do. I'm not sure what this info is they have received from the ex, but it should be your order that is the main guideline. Have you had the final order through yet? Your contact times should say whether you collect to and from school or not. Whatever ex wants, it should come down to what was agreed at court/ordered. Sounds bonkers saying just having school pickups for the first week, and as you say, a bit pointless. They will twist and turn orders to suit themselves, so I'd think that, whatever the recitals say, the important bit is what the actual order says about your collections and drop offs.
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#3
Yeah I can understand that it might not seem important. Its just that my daughter will very very likely be my only child, Ill only get to do this once. Those first days of going to school, the new school uniform, the making friends. Theyre important to me, my daughter is so advanced and she's chomping at the bit to get to big girls school.

The problem I have is the order is geared toward full time school, so it says "start of school 9:00am" or "after school 3:15pm"
The first 3 weeks are times like 11:am to 13:15. So despit the recital the ex could simply cut me out of the whole 3 weeks.
Even worse, there is an option to keep it to half days into November, so if the ex is especially spiteful she could drag it out. Hypothetically I wouldnt get to drop off or pick up from school until months after school starts.
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#4
I see what you mean and yes it is important to be involved. I think it could be argued that as it says "start of school" and school is starting at 11am on certain days then it is reasonable to assume it means start of school even if school starts later. If she's with you the night before then you would keep her until 11am and take her to school I'd have thought.

Might be an idea to get a solicitor letter sent clarifying that when school days start or finish later this is covered within the order which states start of school and after school and that as daughter is with you the night before she is in your care until school starts and you'll take her to school. If it causes a big issue and ex won't accept it, you could possibly just get a specific issues order on that one thing. Then it's in the order that you always collect and drop off from school if school start and finish times vary.

In the event you don't get to start with the school involvement until later - ok it's not perfect but it will soon become an established thing for you and daughter.

My order says "school drop off time" and "school finish time" which I thought would allow for things like that - but ex's point of view is that drop off time isn't the same as start time!
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