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Domestic violence help
I am not yet a separated dad but let me tell you my story and I hope someone can help. I am married and have two children 6yo&9months old. I live with my wife and girls in my mothers house who also lives with us. For many years now but especially the last 2 years I have been the victim of emotional abuse at the hands of my wife, she has systematically stopped me from seeing or contacting my sisters by making it so unbearable with all the snide comments and guilt trips it was easier to no see or speak to them. I am not allowed to send or show any pictures of my girls to my mum or family and I am forbidden from discussing family matters or events with my mum. I am told that I cannot talk to my friends while on the school run as I and there to collect my daughter,it is not a social club. I am accused of flirting with every woman I speak to so much so if I'm telling a story I change a woman to a man or she will get mad. She will not let me speak to my mum and when I do she wants to know every word said and also looks my mum out of the kitchen to provent her from accessing the fridge or kettle throughout the day. She constantly swears and shouts in my face infront of the children something I have repeatedly asked her not to do and her response is there my kids and I'll swear in front of them if I want to. Now what I'd like to know is this, I have told her I don't want to carry on and she says fine we will leave, I want to keep the kids with me as she has nowhere to go and I don't think she could cope 24 hours on her own with them. She has a history of self harming and 2 weeks ago threatened to kill herself if I took the kids away. She has a long history of mental health problems and is currently on medication for anxiety and depression for which the tablets have a sedative in knocking her out for a few hours every night where apron she is unable to stay awake. How do I move forward in separating from her and keeping the kids safe? Sorry for the long rant but I don't know where to turn
Hi Hopefulhank,

If you feel your wife's mental state is a risk to you or your children you need to take action. You are allowing your wife to control the situation by the use of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour, this must stop for the benefit of all involved. The more you allow it to happen the worse the situation will become.

If you want your wife to be a decent mother she needs help and the sooner the better, especially for the sake of your children. Have you spoken to your GP about your situation? They will be aware of what help they could provide to help you get through this and I suggest this should be your first port of call.If you find it hard to speak about your current situation then print out your post and get them to read it, it'll give them a greater insight into the problems that currently exist.

If you feel that your relationship has totally broken down then you need to separate, both for your welfare and that of the children. This doesn't mean you have to leave, to coin a vernacular phrase...."Kick her out" If she can't fully cope now it is unlikely she be able to cope on her own with the children, and you must put their welfare at the top of the list of priorities. Sometimes you have to be cruel for the greater good and this might be one of those times where you have to disregard her feelings.

How have you allowed the situation get to this? What about the effect it's having on your mother? Whilst the children should always come first, don't forget that there are others who are also deeply affected..... Namely you and your mum.
Hi thanks for your reply,
I don't know how I have ended up like this but about a month ago I was sent to the supermarket to get some things. A few things I could not get and I remember standing steering at the empty shelf panicking that I could not complete the list and it was like a wake up call, this is not right! I was scared to go home and tell her I could not get the things asked for. There is no going back in my mind and if I'm honest I don't want to find a way back I just want to move on with my life with my kids under my roof where I know they are safe. I obviously want there mother to be in there life and am fully prepared to drive them over for visits but I dint believe she could cope 24/7. We live in the middle of nowhere and I am the only driver so that raises problems so far as getting to and from school and th Drs and social engagements. Is it feasible for me to " kick her out" and expect to be able to keep the children while custody is sorted out?
Yes, especially as you also have your mother to assist you. Despite what you may think, at the moment you have exactly the same rights as the mother of your kids, and morally you seem better placed mentally to deal with them and their best interests.

There is nothing stopping you from getting her to leave without the children, but be aware, by the same reasoning, if you take the children to her for contact there is nothing stopping her from refusing to hand them back. You could block all unsupervised contact if you believe that is what is best for the children. At least for now. This will ensure the children's safety.

If you stick to your guns she will have to take you down the talking, mediation, court route, where her behaviour can be explored and a balanced decision made.

Edited to add.....if you do go down the route of forcing her out, don't give her the chance to take the kids with you or pre-empt your plans. If you physically force her to leave be prepared for the false allegations that would soon follow and don't be afraid to call the police if she kicks off either within or outside your home.
Hello, folks! I think domestic violence is the worst felony, and we should try to avoid it.  This is crucial because there so many cases with really terrible consequences. Follow the link to read about some of them
be very very careful what you do and how you do it
get advice from a domestic violence helpline, then get more advice, and then some more, and some more
there is a high chance you will lose everything when it inevitably goes to court.
the judge will be on the mothers side and anything she says will be taken as true, you will be seen as whatever the mother tells them you are
though i might be tainted by my own experience.

good luck and do your best for your kids and yourself, stay strong and never give up
Hi I am new to the group and came across this post and it really relates to my story. I am a true victim in the state of CT of my x wife who separated for another man 2 hours away and played Domestic Abuse card having me falsely arrested 6 times and had 6 PO from different courts severed on me. long story short all charges were dropped except for some BS that the state has to charge for Something since I was put into the system. I got all property including the house. This Piece of work had lived with me for 10 years and was a step mother to my son who abused us for years. My x wife and I have 2 daughters together also who she abused my middle child 8. DCF was always in the picture for many claims, many un substantiated there were even claims she sexually molesting my son and daughter which a narrative from his therapist states she did in fact molest and abuse both my kids. my son and I live together and my daughter life with her but she is extremely dangerous and has the law on her side. I was the sole provider and controlled I didn't know how to get out of the relationship I was controlled, afraid and abused to the point with threats if I ever tried divorce. to this day my parent have to communicate she has tried many time to gain access to my son but school, teachers and social workers have been notified of court order she is to have no direct or indirect contact. I tried getting a Protective order for my son against her and nothing. this women still abuses my daughter by posting her up on dating sites and using her email, DCF was useless and said I was insane to think my ex Wife was capable wow! did she see the forensic and allegations of sexual abuse brought against her by Professional therapist nope. The other day I was with all my children and had a guy come up to us and say he saw my daughter on these sites. God I was sicken and scared we are not protected. DCF doesn't take anything serious. My fear is most single women of pray and since my ex put her out on this sites she an accessory to risk or injury and possible trafficking or some sicko doing something honorific . I want a Sexual psych evaluation on this women does anyone have any suggestion?

Thank You

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