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Ex is being challenging about my partner moving in
#1
Hi guys,

First post. I guess I am looking for moral support / advice on this situation.

I have been with my partner for over 2 years. I work a lot in London and met her there. We have lived together in London for a few months although my permanent base is in another part of the country. Luckily my partner is from the same part of the country so she has moved back and we have moved in together a month ago. 

To give you some background my partner met my 6 year old son over a year ago and they have always got on very well. I would try to get them to meet on a relatively regular basis since then to develop their relationship. Unfortunately the ex has always fought this contact and made things difficult. Obviously with my partner living in London and the ex kicking off everytime she didn't get to see my son as often as I would have liked in an ideal world.

To clarify my ex and I were together only briefly ( a handful of dates) and that was 7 years ago now. So there shouldn't be any bitterness or sour grapes. However she has always had feelings for me and as recently as two years ago told me she had feelings despite no encouragment or suggestion from me that anything would ever happen between us. My consistebnt rejection of her has made her very bitter although she can't see that. 

We have tried from the start to handle this in the appropriate manner by introducing my partner only when it was an established relationship. Early meetings were always down the park, cinema, KFC that sort of thing for an hour or two. Nothing too lengthy or intense. My partner and I have met with the ex to discuss how to handle this moving forward. So done everything properly in my eyes. 

Now my partner has moved in and unsurprisingly things have become difficult again. So after 2 years of a relationship this has been the first time my son and partner are both staying overnight. My partner has spent one night each weekend in the house when my son has been staying for the weekend (Friday afternoon to Sunday). I have my son every other weekend. She has also given my son and I lots of space to do things on our own as we would have done previously. From our perspective it has gone very well. My son likes my partner and enjoys spending time with her. The interaction is natural. 

The problems arise when he goes home. The ex veers from being reasonable and understanding to being completely illogical, angry and unreasonable. Unfortunately my son is telling her a different story to what we are seeing happen at the flat. Whilst he is maintaining that he likes my partner to my ex he is also saying he doesn't feel comfortable staying overnight to her. This resulted in her refusing access last weekend from him staying overnight on the Friday as my partner would also be present.  He hasn't been able to give a reason why he isn't comfortable apart from he has concerns he wont see as much of me. I believe there are elements of truth in what he says to her but he is also telling her what she wants to hear. 

I have taken legal advice this week so I'm not really looking for advice from that angle. I am looking for suggestions how to handle the ex and moral support. 

Specifically any suggestions for her arguments on:
You are putting your partners needs in front of your sons
You will damage your relationship with him by not listening to what he needs or wants
You are forcing and pressurising him to do things he doesnt want to do. 
The partner shouldnt be able to stay over until my son feels comfortable with her being there overnight

I genuinely believe dragging this out is making the situation worse and I also feel she will happily still be like this in 6 months time. I also feel however we have approached this would have been wrong in the exes eyes. 

All thoughts appreciated. Thanks guys!
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#2
Do kids want to go to school, to the doctors etc? We can’t pander to every want.

Your son has to fit in with your life you can’t live your life doing only what your son wants. The only cause for concern would be if your gf was mean to him which she isn’t. Kids adapt way better than adults.

Your ex is simply applying control over your life.

It will of course take a bit of getting used to same as the change to big school, moving house, leaving Home etc. Life isn’t static and is always changing we would do well to teach our kids how to cope.

By the way NONE of these things will apply if mum gets a boyfriend....
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#3
Yep. I'm in complete agreement with all your sentiments Hazy.

Solicitor is on the case so we will see what happens.
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#4
(05-25-2018, 08:04 AM)Hazy Wrote: By the way NONE of these things will apply if mum gets a boyfriend....

Brilliantly true!
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#5
(05-25-2018, 12:11 PM)mickeyp Wrote:
(05-25-2018, 08:04 AM)Hazy Wrote: By the way NONE of these things will apply if mum gets a boyfriend....

Brilliantly true!

yep. so true.
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