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Ex has decided i can't have my lad overnight anymore, any advice please?
#1
Hi, i have a court order for contact for my son. 
I have received a text today saying that she does not want him to stay over night with me anymore, which is a breach of our court order. 
She reckons she has taken advise of a social services worker but won't give me a name or case number, her reason are fabricated (apparently i don't brush his teeth, let him stay up late etc, nothing serious)
Whats the best course of action i can take?
He is 7 by the way.
I'd like to deal with it amicably but i feel we are past that as she just accuses me and my son of being a liar about her imaginary issues that have only surfaced in last week or two.

Just an update to this, she has told me now i can have him today, just from 15:15 till 19:00, my court order states that i have him 15:15 till tomorrow morning at 08:00 AM. I am within my rights to collect him and keep him as per the court order?
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#2
(05-30-2018, 01:09 PM)Holt bolt Wrote: Hi, i have a court order for contact for my son. 
I have received a text today saying that she does not want him to stay over night with me anymore, which is a breach of our court order. 
She reckons she has taken advise of a social services worker but won't give me a name or case number, her reason are fabricated (apparently i don't brush his teeth, let him stay up late etc, nothing serious)
Whats the best course of action i can take?
He is 7 by the way.
I'd like to deal with it amicably but i feel we are past that as she just accuses me and my son of being a liar about her imaginary issues that have only surfaced in last week or two.

Just an update to this, she has told me now i can have him today, just from 15:15 till 19:00, my court order states that i have him 15:15 till tomorrow morning at 08:00 AM. I am within my rights to collect him and keep him as per the court order?

Yes you are completely within your rights.
But here comes the big decision.
If you keep him over night will she stop all contact? if so you run the risk of not seeing your lad at all for a while.
But the other option is to capitulate to her demands, Im sure you know there are all problems with this. Most importantly, in the eyes of the court you are effectively agreeing with her. So if you do decide to keep your son overnight and go back to court, then be ready for a fight.

In my opinion, you must absolutely NOT deviate from the court order. Print the forms off for enforcement immediately, print off the evidence of her communication and be ready to file it straight away.

I do think you need to word a very reasonable email to her in which you state your case.
i.e. she hasnt brought this up with you before, her accusations are unfounded, she is welcome to discuss co-parenting issues but threats of unilaterally changing what she has been ordered by a court to do will not be tolerated. etc.

The only thing you cant do here is.......... nothing

I know this might be game playing but.... I would throw the boat load at her, when you go back to court ask for more contact, joint residence, half holidays [if you dont already]
If nothing else it will deter her from these stupid games in the future.

Also remember this, she can say all she wants but until she "fails to make child available for contact" she hasnt actually breached the order. Likewise you will not breach the order if you keep him, she could just be fishing and threatening in the hopes you'll back down. No one has actually done anything wrong yet so stay calm.
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#3
Thanks for the advice, I have picked him up today and told her that I will take him back tomorrow as per court order and that I will be sticking to the court order. She said ok and hopefully things will go back to being sensible, we will see on Friday if she tries to prevent me, in which case I will look to take her back to court as you say.
I will also look to write an e-mail response to her claims, refuting them as per your suggestion
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#4
When you take your son back 2moro just be polite. Dont get involved in any arguments especially in front of your son. Hopefully ex will be fine.
You defo dont want to go back to court if u can help it. Hopefully it was a one off threat and she realises it isnt working. You have a court order and she should stick to it. Most dads on here wouldnt even get their kids at 315pm as mum. would do a NO show so u wouldnt have chance to have an overnight stay Sad. Least yours turned up Smile
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#5
I would also go to BIFF emails as the only communication. Don't get into dialogue with her. Brief, Informative, Friendly, Formal. So don't start being too defensive. Something like

"Dear Ex - I confirm son brushes his teeth and bedtime is x time on school nights" Regards, Holt Bolt

Nothing more. The important thing about that is it is a record/evidence if you ever need it - of dealing with/refuting issues - being polite and being the reasonable one.

Do you know what started this? New partner? Holiday coming up? There is often a trigger for finding ridiculous reasons to stop overnights and her reaction is not normal or reasonable. If she really had concerns about those issues she would have texted saying - please make sure son has teeth brushed and gets to bed at x time on school nights. And you would have replied - Noted and can confirm this is done. Use Aquafresh age 6 to 8 toothpaste.

My ex said she had taken advice of head of social services who was a friend, and a social worker (also a friend) and if they did give advice it was informal and based on the lies she told them. If you get a call or visit from social services they won't find anything amiss and you can ask for a copy of the closure report (this happened to me and very much worked in my favour!)
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