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Final Hearing, well almost
So 2nd unsupervised contact today and it all went pear shaped. I tried my best to just walk away and let her get her own way but I got into a petty argument with her, not screaming and shouting or anything, i kept my calm but only just. She was also holding our daughter but she was fine

Basically last week she told me that the car seat i had was no good. I told her its fine but i will get another one as i wanted to get an isofix one, she agreed to let me take my daughter in it. Our daughter is fine in it because i checked with Halfords to make sure until the other one arrived.

Anyway i turn up to collect our daughter and then go off to collect the new chair and for Halfords again to check everything is correct but the ex point blank refuses to give me our daughter saying she will not be going in that chair as its unsafe and illegal and thats it. I said its fine for her and Halfords have said its fine but im taking her to collect the new one now but she would not give me our daughter. So then she phones her dad who comes down from her flat with her other daughter who is crying her eyes out for some reason and tries to tell me i dont have the right seat so she wont be going in there. For some reason she thinks if she gets her dad then i have to do what he says! Again i told him the same thing, i have checked with Halfords it is fine for her and we are going to get the other one. But they wouldnt have it and insisted on dropping her off.

The ex was saying who are Halfords to say shes not their child! Are they her mom and dad? Its about our daughters safety blah blah blah. Well no but she is mine and have checked with the experts and it is fine, do you think im going to put my daughter at risk, just hand her over its as simple as that. They then wanted to follow me back home to drop her off which i didnt want them to do, there is no need for it. In the end i gave in and said ok meet you back there, the ex carried on and her dad said all this needs to stop now we will drop her off, see you there.

She turns up and starts again, are you getting the car seat? Shes not going in that car in that seat blah blah blah. This time i put my arms out to my daughter who came straight to me and i walked off saying bye. She was waving at her dad because i wasnt listening to her but i just left her there, which what i should have done before.

No doubt this will all be in her next statement amongst a load of lies. The court explained to her what PR is after she tried telling them i have to tell her everywhere i go and everything i do with our daughter. She still doesnt get it and thinks that its upto her still. If i dont do what she wants or says then she refuses to hand our daughter over. Why does this woman think she can tell me what i can and cant do and if i dont agree then she wont have it? She even tried to tell me how i was a bare faced liar, i said talking about liars!

So apart from that our daughter had a great time with me played and that and took her home with no issues what so ever. But i am now exhausted, nothing to do with our daughter, the bloody ex is draining the life out of me!

So maybe i should have just gave in to her but i cant keep doing it, i am just as capable as her to make sure our daughter is safe with me, which i did, if she can not accept that then thats her issue to sort out. So my question after all this is do i have to put up with this all the time? And what do i do about it? I simply can not be just jumping to her orders and her thinking that what she says goes or i dont have our daughter all the time. I know its probably easier to just say ok, thanks and carry on but its driving me insane! This co-parenting is never going to happen, she tells me, i do, or else. Sad I think im going to need practice at this because these handovers are putting me directly in the situation i had to get out of and went to court for.
Well done. Hang in there. It sounds like handovers need to be different. Ie your Mum Collecting or her Dad being at handovers - or both. If she goes to nursery it could be to and from nursery. I can't remember where you're at - do you have another hearing coming up? Maybe handovers can be sorted at that.

Logically - she is trying to keep control. Detach from the things she says to you as being personal - that way it won't get to you quite so much. Bite your tongue and agree! I did that for years to keep the peace. It will really surprise her if you calmly said something like - yes we need to be on the same page with child safety - which child seat do you recommend? Although she is being a complete xxxx - the fact is some of it may just be anxiety - not nice that she doesn't trust you and she should put it differently and email in advance (ie co parent) to discuss such things.

I had a car seat for years - the second stage one, not the baby one. When it got too small I checked on Which and found it was one that was considered dangerous! I used their recommendations as to which one to get.

It also helps if you can show you're being reasonable - even if she isn't. Surprise her. Write her a BIFF email saying you think it would be a good idea if you could agree in advance on various items for the baby. Tell her you check the which website for safe products! if it turns out the Halfords one is iffy then get a refund and change it. She has no right to tell you it isn't safe though without suggesting what she thinks is safe!

To be honest - I just put up with the "instructions" when son was a baby - and agreed. Its galling to be treated like a useless idiot but if you start talking bottle sterilisers and safety products and new nappy cream that's been recommended on Mumsnet you will confuse her into silence - lol. Once they're off bottles it gets easier and the Mother gets more relaxed (maybe!). I was told to get this back carrier, that bottle sterilisier, these nappies etc. She wanted son to have the same in both homes - even down to identical toys! I just went along with it and it helped her learn to trust me.

However nasty things have been - if you're perfect she can't argue can she?

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