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Constant harrassment
#1
So it continues since my court hearing and order - regular emails accusing me of all sorts.  Every few days.  Last week I had one because I took son to school on time!  She said I should take him 10 minutes early for some keep fit thing that day of the week and asked that could be agreed.  I didn't respond because the rest of the email was highly abusive, calling me names and saying I am controlling.  In addition taking son earlier just gives her more opportunity to interfere when he arrives at school and I think it's better we're not both there at the same time (she takes her other son in).

So another email today also long, nasty and abusive complaining I haven't replied to her last email and because of this she is going to make all education decisions with her H from now on.

Kind of stuck really - I did think about a brief one line response to her email last week but how do you respond to such hostility without fuelling it more - which saying "no" tends to do and it seems ridiculous to spell out the wording of a court order.  I'm expecting another one later today!  She currently is trying to make out welfare issues with my home - takes snippets of info from son and exaggerates them into very negative nasty things claiming son has told her that.

So she is still hostile - still doesn't accept we are equal parents and is still trying to build a case for non existent welfare issues (despite 18 months of courts, Cafcass and childrens services telling her there aren't any).

There are some matters I do need to email about - secondary school decisions coming up but it's got to the point where I avoid any communication as it's just impossible and asking for a further abusive email.

Any suggestions?  I could show the emails to the police and get them logged as harrassment but she would just step up the ongoing alienation (which has been quite bad at times recently and son can't enjoy things here sometimes as his Mother rubbishes everything.
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#2
Are you recording the alienation examples Charlie? These could be something you could use in the future if required.

It's a difficult one to answer without knowing the personalities but if you want them to stop, I'd inform the police.
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#3
Yep - writing notes on incidents and emailing them to myself - although to be honest it's all in her emails.
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#4
So I know what she is doing now. Repeated claims in three emails claiming that son had always been at school at 8.45am for the past five and a half years which is not true and exaggerated - she did dictate that for a few months but not for a long time. School starts at 8.55am. She says i have now unilaterally changed that drop off time (I arrived at school 8.50am one day last week which is normal). What she is doing though is trying to oust me from being the parent with care on my school mornings. The court order says son lives with me until "school drop off time". So she is trying to claim that school drop off time is and always has been 8.45am. Meaning for 10 minutes before school starts she can interfere. Which is why she is taking him a packed lunch after I take hime one that morning (something specified in the order that respective parent will provide the lunch on their care days - which was to try and stop her having an excuse to interfere when I dropped son off).

Anyway in some ways that doesn't really matter except it means we will both be at school at the same time which i was trying to avoid as its stressful for son. But the other thing she is doing is she will claim i am in breach if I arrive after 8.45am because she claims that is school drop off time!

She is also saying because i didn't reply to her email (her extremely abusive email that didn't need a reply as it was an order basically and very abusive) that I have no interest in son's education and she will now make all the educational decisions with her husband and they will tell me what is going to happen,

So I then responded with a BIFF email saying I had no problem with son being there in time to to to a 10 minute pre school activity on Friday mornings (but didn't commit to being there at 8.45am) and that educational matters needed the agreement of both of us (that's in the order). However she will just carry on emailing me and telling me this is happening for son and that is happening for son and it's probably going to force me to have to go back to court or let her railroad me.

She is out for a fight and an argument and pestering me like heck. She is feeling confident at being so nasty because she is crowing that she thinks she has found a loophole in the court order and can control my school mornings with son.

She may well have done because who can say what time "school drop off time is" - the argument can work both ways - it's not specified so it could be any time. Or it's not specified therefore it is what she says drop off time has always been.

Hells bells.
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#5
School drop off time is when you choose it to be not your ex partner. Its 9 am simple as that. all this 845 am is absolute nonsense. Easiest thing to do is speak to class teacher and headmaster. If you was bringing your son late I am sure they would of spoke to you by now.
This is all been done to wind you up , who knows what she could say to your boy between 845 and 9 am when u aren't around.
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#6
How pathetic is this? I agree with Warwickshire , speak to the school and see if they can arrange for her to drop of the school lunch elsewhere or a little later. Lunch isn’t until after 12.

This has been deliberately done to harass, annoy and obstruct.
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#7
Yes I know. Last email said - if you don't reply to my emails I will make my own decisions on education (secondary school choices coming up). So I assume if I don't reply to that she will then take that as accepted (she can't legally but will!). If i send a brief "acknowledge receipt of your email" reply it will just continue the abusive emails. Ridiculous - if everyone has to reply to an email it never ends! Unless there is a direct question I don't consider it needs a reply.

I can kind of see what the issue is (apart from the obvious issue that she hates me and wants to get out of the court order). If she arrives at 8.45am with her younger son, and I arrive 5 minutes later when she's gone (which is what I have been doing) then she will not like the idea that i am there in the playground with son, when her younger son is there - in case i talk to her other son or am there for a minute or two while the two boys play together (although the poor boy has been taught never to speak to me).

If I drop off at 8.45am then she knows I've gone and won't have any contact with her other son when she's gone. So i can see her point of view there. But my point of view is - it is very bad for son when we're both there at the same time at 8.45am. Horrible for him - his Mother is hostile to me (with a look!) he is embarrassed in front of his friends. It is much better if we drop off at separate times but she likes 8.45am so they can play in the playground before going into school. And there is no way I am taking son in at 8.40 am so early before school.

And as you say Hazy it's to harrass and obstruct. So she can take stuff out of the school bag and give him this extra school lunch (tells him he's not allowed to eat the one I send).

These issues were in the recitals to try and prevent her taking stuff off him. I would prefer to drop him off at the last minute reallly but allow extra time to get there in case of traffic so tend to get there 5 minutes early.

All this would be quite simple if she wasn't hostile. For the first four years son came with his schoolbag and homework and i did his lunches. Her vendetta started when her younger son started at the same school and she's been accusing abuse and welfare issues ever since (and 2 court orders).

The frustrating thing is the court order isn't defined specifically enough. I pushed to have the lives with times from 9am to 9am each day. My Solicitor refused and said they don't do that - it's from school and return to school. Should have insisted it said "School start time".

Right now I'm just trying to decide how to deal with this as this is how it got before it ended up in court last year - next thing will be solicitors letters flying backwards and forwards.

Instead of breaching (so I can enforce and get things defined better at the same time) she is just harrassing, alienating and threatening. My strategy was to ignore it but she is now threatening to do xyz if I don't reply to her emails. It is so tempting to get into an argument but that would make things worse. Or to respond in a logical but annoying way. Again it will just fuel it.

Maybe I can just reply. "To clarify matters, can we agree that an email only requires a response if there is a direct question in it. All matters to do with care and education are covered within the consent order". She is quite clever - if I don't specifically say something she will put her own interpretation on it and say that's how it is. Which means you have to disagree.

If I just ignore her and carrying on dropping off whenever she will just keep alienating son more and send constant nasty emails and go on and on. Sick of this.
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#8
(06-13-2018, 12:57 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Yes I know.  Last email said - if you don't reply to my emails I will make my own decisions on education (secondary school choices coming up).  So I assume if I don't reply to that she will then take that as accepted (she can't legally but will!).  If i send a brief "acknowledge receipt of your email" reply it will just continue the abusive emails.  Ridiculous - if everyone has to reply to an email it never ends!  Unless there is a direct question I don't consider it needs a reply.

I can kind of see what the issue is (apart from the obvious issue that she hates me and wants to get out of the court order).  If she arrives at 8.45am with her younger son, and I arrive 5 minutes later when she's gone (which is what I have been doing) then she will not like the idea that i am there in the playground with son, when her younger son is there - in case i talk to her other son or am there for a minute or two while the two boys play together (although the poor boy has been taught never to speak to me).

If I drop off at 8.45am then she knows I've gone and won't have any contact with her other son when she's gone.  So i can see her point of view there.  But my point of view is - it is very bad for son when we're both there at the same time at 8.45am.  Horrible for him - his Mother is hostile to me (with a look!) he is embarrassed in front of his friends.  It is much better if we drop off at separate times but she likes 8.45am so they can play in the playground before going into school.  And there is no way I am taking son in at 8.40 am so early before school.

And as you say Hazy it's to harrass and obstruct.  So she can take stuff out of the school bag and give him this extra school lunch (tells him he's not allowed to eat the one I send).

These issues were in the recitals to try and prevent her taking stuff off him.  I would prefer to drop him off at the last minute reallly but allow extra time to get there in case of traffic so tend to get there 5 minutes early.

All this would be quite simple if she wasn't hostile.  For the first four years son came with his schoolbag and homework and i did his lunches.  Her vendetta started when her younger son started at the same school and she's been accusing abuse and welfare issues ever since (and 2 court orders).

The frustrating thing is the court order isn't defined specifically enough.  I pushed to have the lives with times from 9am to 9am each day.  My Solicitor refused and said they don't do that - it's from school and return to school.  Should have insisted it said "School start time".

Right now I'm just trying to decide how to deal with this as this is how it got before it ended up in court last year - next thing will be solicitors letters flying backwards and forwards.

Instead of breaching (so I can enforce and get things defined better at the same time) she is just harrassing, alienating and threatening.  My strategy was to ignore it but she is now threatening to do xyz if I don't reply to her emails.  It is so tempting to get into an argument but that would make things worse.  Or to respond in a logical but annoying way.  Again it will just fuel it.

Maybe I can just reply.  "To clarify matters, can we agree that an email only requires a response if there is a direct question in it.  All matters to do with care and education are covered within the consent order".  She is quite clever - if I don't specifically say something she will put her own interpretation on it and say that's how it is.  Which means you have to disagree.

If I just ignore her and carrying on dropping off whenever she will just keep alienating son more and send constant nasty emails and go on and on.  Sick of this.

I don't really get what the issue is, you've stated that school starts at 8.55am, so "school drop off time" would be any time that satisfies the school starting time. This could be 8.54:59am. If it was me I'd just reply and state that school starting time is 8.55am and that I will continue to ensure I continue dropping X off to make sure they arrive on time.
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#9
Yup. In the clear light of day that's what I should have said but was trying to avoid more threats and abuse - I am being given the "preventing son from playing with his little brother before school starts". I would like to be reasonable but it takes two. She has a pattern going. She scares son into saying he has to do soemting (because Mum told him) then when I don't do it she says son told her I refused to do xyz. All childish stuff but she's trying to build a case and thinks if she puts a pack of lies in writing and says son told her that then someone might believe it (and that damned near worked last time). The issue is that she is at school every day as a full time Mum to her other child and wants to interfere and keep me out.
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