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Advice on contact once school starts
I know how it feels to be desperate and to be at the bottom of a hole. I also know that the system genuinely is highly biased against fathers. BUT this attitude isn't doing him any favours, sounds like he's got stuck in a circle and needs someone to give him a shake up. That could be a friend, family, the police, social services. Preferably all 4. You're not saying he can't contact, you want him to have a relationship with your daughter. You really do sound reasonable. A bit of me feels sorry for him because I can see the same anger I have felt before, but I know it did me sod all good and leaving it behind has left me one hell of a lot happier!
your doing the right thing getting the police involved.
Well I contacted his mum, to let her know she is obviously always welcome to come and visit my girl. She never replied, I didn't really think she would. What he is telling people and what I am hearing are more than likely two very different things. I've seen him like this before, he becomes obsessive so I doubt anyone can help him, not just yet anyway.

The police came came over earlier (yet more emails overnight and threats to 'visit' my family), took the emails away and are visiting him tomorrow morning re harassment, i.e. warning him.

In the meanwhile they are asking the national domestic violence people to contact me re non molestation order. They said there is enough there, in writing, to take arrest him and have him taken to court. I'm not sure about that bit yet - if he just stops with this constant contact and calling me names, I'd be fine. It was comforting to speak to the police about it, they were very kind, they can see I'm trying to make contact possible and they agreed, don't let him see her until he can be civil or take part in some kind of mediation. It made me feel better that they said I'm not crazy (because honestly, this has been going on for so long that I am ashamed to say I don't know what is normal or not anymore), he is breaking the law, with both the volume and content of the messages I am receiving.

They will also suggest that from now on he doesn't contact me at all or my family and that only his mum or a 3rd party can speak to me about my girl and that maybe I can send photos or something.

I've decided to contact our local centre for abuse, as they have a family person there and maybe they can help me decide what to say to my daughter re her dad. I just want her to know that none of this is her doing. I wish he could just back up a bit but he's in full flow. Such a shame for my little girl and I hope he sorts himself out.
If you want to hold off on arrest, maybe you could wait until he's been warned, and then if he continues push forward with it?

As for contact with your daughters extended family his side, don't give up on that. They may ignore you but it's good for her to be in contact with them so keep it up, it really would show you in a good light as well and maybe they'd have a word with him and stop him being a pillock.

Good luck keep us informed.
Agreed - I would hold off on the arrest at the moment, the police are now aware, and if he continues then you should press ahead with the NMO/Arrest.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
Yes, that's the plan. That would be a last resort really.
Agreed - one step at a time. If he doesn't stop after a warning from the Police then think about a non molestation order. I was wondering how you would be able to explain things to daugher - difficult. So good you can take some advice on what to say.
Well I thought I'd update, with a bit of good news for a change.

The police visited him and it did seem to shock him into realising I was serious. He contacted me Monday begging to see our little girl, so I said he could visit us at my flat last night. It was a bit tense (as I knew it would be) and we thrashed it out. He STILL wouldn't sign the bloody parenting plan but we did go through it and agree it.

He is now seeing her this weekend and then every fortnight and he is going to come over once a week to help put her to bed. I've also invited him to wave her off for the first day at school. Oh and he's giving me child maintenance! (not as much as I would get through CSA but its not really about the money and we've done without anything up til now, so its all a bonus).

I don't think we'll ever be friends and I suspect that these episodes will occur again but he's apologised about what he said and has sworn to never repeat anything like that to me or my daughter again. She was over the moon to see him and that's what counts. Horrible though it was, I think it was the right thing to do to make a stand and now I'm glad our boundaries are set a little more clearly.

So thank you all for your support, it kept me going through some quite frightening times. xx
I think this is fantastic news well done ??

I’d still encourage you to get everything agreed and formal, that way if anything changes, you have a framework to fall back on. However, it really is good that he’s in your daughters life, and you feel safer and in a better place.
Excellent. Sounds like the Police talked some sense into him. Still don't see why he can't just agree to a midweek night!

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