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50/50 shared parenting arrangement
#1
Hi All,

I'm in the middle of mediation, and we're trying to agree on how often we (I) get to see the kids (4,6,8). I have a very flexible job, am planning on living very close to where the kids live now, already mostly do school/breakfast club drop offs and some pick ups. I work full time, wife works 3 days a week.

I have proposed a 2 week cycle where we each get to see the kids 50% of the time - 3 days weekend, then 2 days/2 days in the week, then same for second week but reversed. She refuses, saying this is too much to-ing and fro-ing for the kids. 

Her proposal has me not seeing them for 5 days in one week, and then them to-ing and fro-ing between the 2 houses 4 days in a row in the other week (?!)

The mediator has suggested we put this very specific decision to an independent arbitrator, since we are not going to agree. I feel like I have every right, and ability, to see my kids half the time. I suspect part of her insistence is to ensure she is receiving child maintenance.

I'm just wondering, has anyone ever had a decision like this in their favour? Is 50/50 common? I keep getting told not to get hung up on the exact 50% split, but I can't see a weekly pattern with fewer days that doesn't end up with me not seeing them for a long period (5 days to me is long, I know a lot of you don't see your kids for longer and I'm sorry. We haven't actually moved on yet - still in same house - so even 1 day without seeing them seems a long time to me).

Thanks
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#2
Hi alberto45,
you should certainly aim for a 50:50 split of time if you live in close proximity to your ex.

The law has moved on and there are plenty of recent examples where an equal residence order has been made by the family court.

I successfully applied for a Child Arrangement Order based on a 2:2:5:5 split of days and the central family court in London had no issues in granting this split of time, even though my ex was strongly opposed to it (she saw maintenance payments and control of my daughter as a way of punishing me). The resultant equal split of days provides stability to my daughter (fewer moves between flats) and regularity (she knows that every Monday and Tuesday are with mummy and Wednesday and Thursday are with daddy).

In addition, a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement allows holidays to be split equally and does not provide any parent with a moral high ground.

Good luck with the application but make sure you give a lot of thought about logistics (i.e. pick-up times, how to split birthdays and holidays).
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#3
Hi Alberto, I have my kids on a 50:50 split which works how I think you’re describing.

Week one I’ll have them Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Week two I’ll have them Wednesday and Thursday nights. It means that I see them 11 days out of every 14; some times it is in the evenings after school but not that morning, some days it’s dropping them to school and not seeing them that night, some days they wake up with me and go to sleep with me, some days I don’t see them at all.

It is workable, it gives the kids good and constant access to both parents, it also allows you to have a life beyond being a father. I’d recommend it.
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#4
Sorry to hikack your post Alberto

I had a locally agreed 50/50 shared care agreement with my ex which was 2,2,5,5 with all holidasy shared equally.

Now that she pregnant to her new bloke and clearly needing money for what will be nursery fees her new proposal is:

4 hours every Wednesday and Thursday (non residential) and 1 weekend every month, reason for this, my son misses playing with his friends and is 'bored' at mine and generally doesnt like spending time at mine (tea splutter moment when i read this) Needless to say Lawyer now on the case and propbably heading to mediation and then court to sort this out.

It allowed continuity and eqaul quality time between both parents, worked perfectly until money became an issue

Good Luck
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#5
How does this work if I work full time, and my wife works 2 days a week part time but is a nanny so takes our youngest with her

AT present I see them every weekend but we have only separated and haven't started divorce proceedings, I wouldn't be able to have them in the week but would want them every weekend but she is quoting every other weekend. I can't go two weeks without seeing them!! Anyone been or in a similar position?
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#6
Sorry to jump in with a further question, but how do you split school holidays if, like me you only get five weeks holiday a year?
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#7
Take some holidays with the kids, put them in holiday clubs, my folks take them for some of the summer, her folks take them for some of the summer.

Where there’s a will there’s a way. Focus on your normal, everyday week and make that work. Once that’s done, everything else will fall into place.
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#8
(08-14-2018, 05:51 AM)ProTanto Wrote: Take some holidays with the kids, put them in holiday clubs, my folks take them for some of the summer, her folks take them for some of the summer.

Where there’s a will there’s a way. Focus on your normal, everyday week and make that work. Once that’s done, everything else will fall into place.

Cool, thanks.  I've already got some ideas on this, including buying some holiday from work and paying her a bit extra to cover weeks I can't do.  Over this summer she's already demonstrated that she pretty much works as normal when they're off because she sees clients at home and in the evenings.  It'd be tough for her to argue that she can't work at all because they're off.  I'll need the occasional short holiday of my own - like a long weekend snowboarding - for my own sanity, so my holiday time will be at a premium.
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#9
(06-19-2018, 08:24 PM)ProTanto Wrote: Hi Alberto, I have my kids on a 50:50 split which works how I think you’re describing.

Week one I’ll have them Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Week two I’ll have them Wednesday and Thursday nights. It means that I see them 11 days out of every 14; some times it is in the evenings after school but not that morning, some days it’s dropping them to school and not seeing them that night, some days they wake up with me and go to sleep with me, some days I don’t see them at all.

It is workable, it gives the kids good and constant access to both parents, it also allows you to have a life beyond being a father. I’d recommend it.

Hi ProTanto,
I actually put this into a spreadsheet (sorry!) but as far as I can see, it's only 9 out of 14 days per fortnight that you see the kids with this plan.  Am I missing something?
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