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What is the contact should I apply for
#1
Hi everyone
I just wanted to ask for advice it's come to the point when I need legal agreement mediation it's coming so here's my short story ( full story " cooparenting with narcissist)my son is going to be 4 in December this year my and his mother never been together as soon as she got pregnant she said I'm no longer needed I decided to stay in my sons life from day one I was cut off during the pregnancy couldn't even choose our sons name together with her obviously along the time manipulations nastiness threats I ll never see my son again etc from 8 months old I would see him 6-7 times a week put him to bed give bath overnight stay ( once a week) from 18 months old I would see him around 5-6 times Sunday overnight till Monday afternoon Wednesday from 4-7 o'clock Thursday 4-7 o'clock Fri 10 - 17:00 ( occasionally two overnight stays Fri -sat) up until he turned 3 last December from January this year schedule is Thursday 16:00 - Fri 19:00 And Sunday 16:00 - Monday 19:00 so two overnight stays with almost full days. My sons mother is nasty doesn't care about anything apart from herself and how to cause reactions even by packing his toys that belong to me only to show me how she dislikes me after txt message disagreement, we live 4 miles apart from each other and I do the driving since he was born never met me half way when I asked why she simply replied " bye" I'm tired of being treated badly and not knowing what's tomorrow so to be honest I would apply for full custody I don't want my son to be raised in primitive ways like her no father dysfunctional family basically not good people but I know that no court in this country will ever give me that so 50/50 is reasonable or u guys have better suggestions and what possible outcomes is expected. I'm going to mention again we have never been family not one day my son doesn't know any better he always stayed almost half of the time with me travelling between two addresses so I'm very worried what court might give me. Thank you all and read my " cooparenting with a narcissist " post there's more nastiness described in there so some of u may have a good view at the whole situation and be able to tell me what happens if this gets to court room. Thanks once again.
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#2
You need to go to mediation and sort this out. I wouldn't bring up shes a narcisstic as it will just make you look bad and come across bitter. What she is doing is what 99% woman do when they want to mess you about seeing children or simply don't like us daddys.

I would ask for set times and days. every other weekend fri 3pm - sun 6pm
And you could have every Wednesday either 3-7pm or overnight stay until next morning.

You need to take into account that your son will be starting school eventually when arranging contact. I guess he may be going to primary school in October so you could use school for handovers to avoid hostility
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#3
Thanks for advice, she is a narcissist even when dating before he was born her robotic behaviour was weird to me I thought its depression no intimacy and childish reactions to everything, sometimes I just think what would happen if she stopped me from seeing him and I simply took him from the childminder and brought him back as normal then next few days again and said " no u have no rights to keep us away from each other " do u think court would sympathise with me or turned into assholes and punish me for it?

I think every dysfunctional family should have a key worker from day one who comes around does reports and draws arrangements with both of you present then when child is growing and responsibilities changes amend it every 6 months or so this way nastiness child manipulations and games would have been avoided as from the get go both parents know they are being monitored. The way it is now it's ludicrous! It's like me saying to u now I'm going to give u and some stranger( enemy) business to run u both equal blah blah but the thing is this other person holds the key combination for safe and all goods are at their premises I won't provide legal arengement or contract just pat ur back and say good luck guys! What u think is going to happen? 9 out of 10 u won't be a business partner u ll be a problem and subject to bullying abuse disrespectful and unfair behaviour. So how can they assume that with children situation will be different when they know that's the way it's always been for decades. Madness!
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#4
Unfortunately there are some right headcases and nasty pieces of work out there, and some of them are parents. I know where you're coming from. Warwickshire is right though - don't go round saying she's a narcissist. To get regular time with your son you need to play the game and jump through the hoops and never say anything negative about her - not to your son, not on social media, not to anyone you can't trust 100% not to blab and particularly not to court. Believe me it can cause more problems than her actually being a narcissist. It may be true but focus on what you can do and what you can get. I felt exactly the same - and have worried for years about his life and upbringing - but you just do what you can. And apparently if they have one good person and good influence in their lives regularly and can hugely counteract the bonkers one and help them grow up into good kids and adults. So that should be your focus - making sure he can spend as much time with you as possible.

Yes go for 50/50. You'll need to go to mediation first - she's unlikely to agree - and then you apply to court. I would fill out the application and get the wording right before even starting the mediation. Although don't delay on that either. You will get help on here with completing forms and what to say/ask for etc if you don't have a solicitor.

The thing to remember, as your son gets older all the time - is he is in the middle. Keep the conflict to an absolute minimum or it affects him. You can't change how she behaves, reacts etc but you can decide how you will behave.
Probably best to keep communication to an absolute minimum, in writing (by text or email, no phone calls unless it's an emergency) and only brief, polite formal ones (no personal dialogue etc) about arrangements and nothing else.

The main thing is - anything you or she ever puts in writing can be used as evidence. You need to show you're the reasonable normal one. She can be outrageous and horrible and write nasty stuff - and they're still not going to take him away from her unless she beats him up or gets arrested for drug use or something. But you say one negative word and you'll be classed as violent, controlling and all sorts!
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#5
Thanks Warwickshire and thank you Charlie yes I remember to not text any wrong messages and there's no calls no pointless dialogues, she agreed mediation after few days of them trying to call her because I got an email last Friday says that she is coming this week I bet if she agrees on mediation with two of us at the same time she will be trying to dictate there I don't care I need legal agreement I made my decision this system is so wrong how can allow one parent have so much power over everything else its just disgusting and they know those people who right law and stuff they know! Are they mentally unstable or something how can you leave things this way for decades and not change anything yer again best interests of the child my ass! Yep manipulations child used as a licence to abuse.

If I was a judge, I would punish this behaviour harshly believe me guys any stopped contact without a reason I would slam that hammer £2000 on the spot for emotional child abuse without discussion then proceed with hearing, any alienation any manipulations straight away 1 warning if this repeats child goes to the father no chance of appeal! and so on believe me guys after few months of serving justice I don't think there would be as many feeling superior fake mothers as it is now all of a sudden they would treat u equally with respect happy to cooparent etc Im sure u would be invited for dinner plus asked to stay for eastenders on top of that. I'm just saying all this could be sorted long time ago if those people only wanted but for some reason they don't really care about childminder.
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