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Help needed - Ex stopped all contact between my son and me.
#1
Hi,

**SCOTTISH CASE**
I have a 4 year old son and have been involved in his life since birth, lived with for 2 years up until the tail end of last year.

I have had problems with my ex partner for some time now she has made having a relationship with my son extremely difficult. I have some serious concerns with my son and I will now list these below.

When my son comes to me he is not dressed appropriately, his clothes are dirty (stains) smell of damp, are too small for him, he had a pair of trainers on the other week that were a size 8 infants and his shoe size is a size 9 (had to get him another pair as he could not walk because his feet were sore) he tells me that sometimes he does not have a bath and at times I know this is true as there has been times where he isnt clean at all. He tells me he wants to live with me forever because I make him happy, he is being picked on at nursery by another kid and this kid is my sons mothers friends child. This child in question is also 4 years old, last week my son made me aware that he was with this child at his mothers house in his bedroom and the kid asked him to take off his trousers, after my son done this the little boy then attempted to insert a finger into my sons bum(have struggled to put this into words) and have raised this with my lawyer who has said it isn't really normal for a 4 year old to do these things. Further to this my ex partners new partner is heavily into smoking cannabis and taking ecstasy pills. I was told by a friend that they seen my ex partner with her new partner and my son and that he was smoking cannabis in the middle of the park in close proximity to my son. Althought I cannot physically prove this. My son is not being looked after properly he is a shadow of what he used to be his confidence has lowered so much, he is anxious around other kids, he screams in tears when its time for him to go home it is just totally crumbling for me to witness this. Last week I had to contact his childminder to tell her that he would not be there on that day and that I would take him to nursery myself, this was because the clothes my ex had packed into th bag were filthy his underwear had stains on them, socks were filthy, his trousers had stains on them and were too small, the clothes were old and there is no need for that as I hand in clothes for him to my ex on a weekly basis(on top of her maintenance payments) and I had to take him into town where I spent a further £150 on clothes for him(he was so excited and had the biggest smile when I complimented how smart he looked)

Okay so me and my ex we do not speak, I have not communicated with her for some time now due to the fact that she just wants to argue all the time and cause disruption. And that is the reason I left her in the first place so to hell with going through that again. She has a new partner, at the weekend my son told me that this guy shouts at him and makes him scared to the point where he cries. This guy also has 2 criminal convictions (that I know of) one for throwing fireworks that exploded at two young girls, and the other one for assaulting someone, making threats with a knife, and attempting to rob said person. I do not think it is in the best interests of my son to be around this sort of person. Now after my son telling me he was scared atter this guy shouted at him, il admit I did turn round and tell my son to tell him if he shouted at him again then his dad(me) would be dealing with him. Maybe I shouldn't have said this but it was purely out of anger at the fact this guy is shouting at my 4 year old son.

On monday night, my mum(who deals with communications with my ex) received a text from her stating that the contact between me and my son can no longer continue. As she said I am asking my son too many questions, I am not though I am literally only digging further into something when my son tells me something that I see as being a concern to my sons welfare.

I am on the birth certificate, have been involved in my sons life from the moment he was born. I have previously split up with my ex before and she was granted a full residence order of my son, although after this being granted I then moved in with her for 2 years.

Can someone please help me on what to do. I have never been through this before and not seeing my son is going to hurt a hell of a lot.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

Danny
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#2
Hi Danny

Sorry having to make this brief but just having sly check at phone in work and did not want to read and run.

I will reply proper tonight but it’s good to come across someone else from Scotland.

It’s Glasgow that I’m from what about yourself?

Speak to you later mate
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#3
Hi Danny,

I must say I only read the first 2 paragraphs and had to scroll down and type!!!!! (I will go back up and read) Firstly have you any pictures of his clothes or him when you picked him up? Dirt does cause some medical issues too so if you know about any of them keep a record. Basically you need to record EVERYTHING, everything you remember if you can put a date to it great! If there is future contact take pictures, get someone else to witness how he is when picked up (smells).

You need to ring social services, you can do this anonymously. They will get in touch with you and there is your opportunity to tell them. They will also do an initial assessment, if anything is found then put on an order. In which case you can then apply for legal aid. 
The incident with the child in the bedroom, a doctor/social services should have been called immediately!!! A similar thing happened with my little girl and I rang 111 and got a doctor to come and see her, police and social services followed an assessment was done. there was no risk at my house and nothing 'serious' happened thank god, but I had to make sure. Both families were spoken to and both children too.

Also do you know what level her new partner offences were? the dad of my little girl had also been to prison without my knowledge but when I gave birth social services turned up and told me and assessed him!!! because he had been imprisoned as Public high risk inmate. If so there should be an assessment on him being around children anyway.

I am horrified any mother would let this happen, my heart is with you and your boy.
If you can afford it get a lawyer, gather evidence either go for full custody or contact order.
Call social services, if they don't listen go higher .. safeguarding board .. the council .. MP

Me and my partner are going through no contact with his children, because we were getting worried about the boys home life, personally I have never ever stopped contact with my child and her father it is in childrens best interest to have all of their family around them. I hope this all goes the right way and you get to see him I really do, Good Luck  Shy
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#4
Hi mate,

I am from 'sunny' Dundee haha!

Not a great deal of people from Scotland on here!

Hope all is well with yourself

Hi BambiBae,

I do have pictures of the clothes that he has been wearing, and also have witnesses (my mum and dad) mostly my mum as she is the one who deals with picking my son up, dropping him off etc. They even have video evidence of the way he was walking when his mum dropped him off wearing a pair of shoes that were a size too small.

In regards to what happened in his bedroom with this other little boy I did not find out about it until about a month afterwards when my son told me about it, I have questioned both my sons mum and the other kids mum but I got nothing apart from a mouthful of abuse and was told I was sick for bringing it up. It has been noted with my lawyer and we are going for proceedings in court.

Her partners convictions are throwing fireworks at 2 young girls which exploded next to them, and also the latest one which he was convicted of assault, attempted robbery, and threatening with a knife (he did not actually have a knife but the threat was made) these are the convictions that I know of there may be more.

My ex partner does have a residence order which restricts me from taking my son out of her care without her permission, she was granted this when we first split up in 2014, although we were living together for a period of 2 years after this. We only split up for 4 months at the most.

I just do not know what to do as I have never been without my son. Should I contact social services and make them aware? I have already contacted them before and they did not seem the slightest bit interested.

Is this enough for me to go for full custody of my son?? I do not particularly want to do that but I am swaying towards that thought as my sons welfare is absolutely paramount to me.

Thank you!!

Danny
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#5
You should do a Sarah’s Law application on the boyfriend to reveal his past. Armed with this it could help you later perhaps? The various bodies are more likely to take note of this rather than what they may see as allegations without proof.
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#6
A Sarahs Law application would trigger a search of the ViSOR database (Violent and Sexual Offenders) among other databases, if this turns up anything you will be told within 42 days - but by that time there will already have been a meeting with MAPPA which also includes Childrens Services, Social Services and the Police.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#7
So would a Sarah's Law application tell me all of his convictions?

Should I contact social services myself due to the way my son is being clothed?

I am really worried about him but I do not know what to do next I am losing sleep over it and it is really bothering me.
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#8
It would only tell you if there were Child Protection Issues or if he was on the appropriate databases
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#9
I am already aware that he has 2 convictions, one for throwing fireworks at two girls, and the other for assault, attempted robbery, and threatening with a knife. He is also a heavy ecstasy user and I do have solid proof that he is selling them too.

Is it in my sons best interests to be away from this guy?

I am not sure whether I should contact social services or not
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#10
Do you guys have a C100 in Scotland or is it another form
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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