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Reported to Police when trying to sort contact with 12yr old
#1
Question 
Hello

I am glad i have found this forum as I am having a complete nightmare with my ex

In Sept last year I decided our marriage of 18yrs was over and told my ex , until I could sort out living arrangements I lived within the spare room

I moved into my own flat in Jan this year and have a two bed flat which I rent

I have since January tried to sort out access to our 12yr old boy , i work shifts so i don't have fixed days off during the week.

I have tried to arrange with my ex that my son comes and stays for two days per week with me shifts permitting whether it be during the week or at weekend dependant on where i am in my shift pattern.

Since January I have had two nights only and those were hard got.

My ex wife states that my 12yr old can not and does not want to stay with me during the week as it will "disrupt" his school life - basically he goes to a non fee paying grammar school and gets the school bus in the morning which is 1hr 15 min journey time .... I have suggested that i will drop him off at the school bus so he can still get the bus , she refuses ..

When my 12yr old is with me , he is rude and does not use manners and expects me to pay for lots of things - I end up correcting him (he says his mum never corrects him) and haven't got the money to pay for loads of things, I am slowly making headwind and he seems to be getting better and wants to spend time with me , however arranging this is a nightmare - on the days I collect him from school , I see him for 2hrs



I have sent me ex wife letters trying to sort out proper access which she ignores, also texts trying to sort out access to which she doesn't reply to
When my 12yr old is at home , he will not reply to me however he does when he is at school ... I text my 12yr old 3 times per week to enquire how his school is going.

Over the last few weeks my 12yr old has had quite a bit of time off school , which i have picked up from the school system for meals (I can see that my 12 yr old has not had a meal) I have become concerned so I went into school and they now tell me if my 12yr old is absent as my ex won't tell me.

Last week my 12yr old was again absent from school , I text my ex to ask her what was wrong and I got no reply.

This Tuesday my 12yr old was off school as the school had a inset day so I asked to have my 12yr old overnight and my ex agreed only because she had no one to have him.    

When I got to the ex marital home, I knocked on the door and answered and aggressively said don't knock so loud (which I hadnt) she said our 12 yr old was in bed so I asked for her to get him up so I could get back home before rush hour started - she said that I was making my 12yr old ill by keep texting him , and this is why he keeps not going to school ... I replied if you allowed me to have proper time and not call me to him then I could build bridges and sort out my relationship with my 12yr old .. she started to have a go at me so I said I wasn't arguing and went to sit in my car and said I would wait for our 12yr old in the car

I went and sat outside and she came out 5 mins later and aggressively told me to turn my music off , I wound my window down and asked where we were up to re our 12yr old she said he was still asleep - I asked politely for her to wake him so I could get home and she carried on about me making him ill..

I shouted at her "perhaps if you allowed me to have a relationship with my 12yr old instead of painting me out to be a complete bas**rd then there would not be an issue" at that she said I was threatening her and stormed in the house

I sat waiting and she came out on the landline and said that I was threatening her and she was ringing the police, i told her that there were no threats and it was just that she didn't like the truth and wouldn't put her personal feelings aside for the good of our 12yr old - she then shouted he wasn't coming with me and went inside

I sat waiting on the drive for either my 12yr old or the police and he came walking out and got in the car - we drove to my flat

Whilst driving home i asked him - if he had an issue me texting him and he said no what was I talking about.

I didn't get any contact from the police on the tuesday so thought nothing more of it - on wednesday I went into the phone bill (which i still pay) to see how much the bill was for the week and noticed she had rang 101 and called the police

The issue is that I work for the police, and she knows if she reports any domestic I could get into trouble , I rang my inspector and he said he was aware but from what he had read on the log I wasn't to worry 

I dropped our son off at school on Wednesday  , he gave me a kiss good by and said he had , had a nice time 
I asked if he wanted to come during the school holidays and he said yes , but he would have to see when as my ex was taking him away on holiday.

I suggested next monday to wednesday as he said he was away on holiday from the Thursday and he said yes

I text my ex to advise he was safe at the school and that would it be in order for him to come up next week , I received no reply

I text my son at the night as he had a maths text and asked how his day had been , I then went to the situation of him reading his texts but not replying

As it was easter I text my ex yesterday and said i would drop off my sons easter eggs this morning , and asked her re monday .... she didn't reply so I travelled down this morning to the house and she answered , she said my son was at his nans as she had visitors coming and he had stayed overnight , politely I asked why she had not asked me to have him she didn't reply

She said I was harrassing her by going to the house and should not have come (bearing its a joint property) and she sat on the stairs with her face in her hands and said she was getting upset by me , I replied all i want to do is sort out access to our son.

She said she would take the easter eggs off him and give them to him , which i refused and said I wanted to see him myself and would like to have him as the text on monday to wednesday , she replied saying she hadn't spoken to him about it and it was up to him 


She said i could come back later but I had to go as she had visitors coming ,to which I replied let me guess the police as I know you reported me 

She then started to have a go at me so I walked away from the property.

Sorry about the long winded texts however i wanted to paint the picture

Ok my questions now

She is aware of a PINS notice which the police can issue - this will in affect stop any contact with my ex either to discuss our son or discuss the house (there is 160k of equity in the house) I do not think its a proportionate use of the pINS as I have never threatened or shown any violence (its more than my jobs worth) 

Huh  Has anyone any examples of their ex using the police to stop contact re negotiation

I have downloaded a child  arrangement order form from the gov.uk website and have arranged my Mediation Information meeting - I can not mediate with my ex as she is a bully , wants this her own way and will do anything to stop me seeing my child, releasing equity from the property in the form of a sale and will do everything she can to hurt me including trying to get me in trouble in work 

We split in 2014 and tried mediation it was a complete waste of time and money as she tried to control everything , refused any reasonable access to our son and wanted £1000 per month child maintenance and spousal maintenance (bearing in mind I only clear £2000 per month) she wanted to stay in the property refused to pay me any party of the monies in equity


Huh  If I refuse mediation will this be frowned upon , at court when I issue form C100 against my ex



Re the possibility of a PINS 

Huh If I am issued a PINS notice does this stop me communicating re our 12yr old and also the house
I never ever make threats to her via text I am very straight to the point and tell her what I will and won't do

Also a PINS includes indirect contact - at present I am paying £342.50 to her direct which is half the mortgage however on the child maintenance site I should pay £304 per month so I have advised her that this is what I will pay (my solicitor has advised me to make it difficult for her to stay in the property) 
Does transferring the child maintenance to her account mean that I am making indirect contact ?


Re the house - I would like to sell the property , pay off my £22k of debt which I have (My own fault plus prior to leaving I paid all the bills and food so bought things on credit cards and loans) and start again 
She lives in our 3 bed semi at present and says she wants to remain there

Huh Is there anything I can do to force the sale ?
There is £65k outstanding and she earns £850 per month plus I have worked out £590 in family tax credits and other credits I don't think she will be able to get a mortgage but she says she can


Huh Is there any other advice anyone can give me to help me with this situation ?


I am currently off work with depression as I am not seeing my child and the constant agro she gives me is making me ill , I know its hard to sort this quickly but I can't afford to drag this through courts - as a father surely I have some rights and should not also have to wait until our son is 18 to obtain any equity from the property and start my life again

I would negotiate with her re the split (she wants it all and said she will leave my pension alone if I agree) to make sure she can get another property but this would mean she would have to downside and she says "why should I because you left me"

I feel like i am sinking at present and can see no way out 

Thanks in advance
Reply
#2
Hi Mancuk29, and welcome,

Blimey....what a tale of woe.

Regarding the financial side of things, the sum you pay your ex is purely related to Child maintenance, and is the amount laid down in the relevant statute. This has no connection to mortgage payments and is a different issue entirely. I can't help much in terms of advice on the mortgage, but sufficient to say if you and your ex are on the mortgage then you are both liable for the sums involved, and if one of you doesn't pay then the mortgage company will persue the other named party to try to get their money, as per the mortgage agreement. Obviously if you default then this could have repercussions as it will go on your credit rating, and if the mortgage goes unpaid then ultimately the mortgage company will seek to repossess the house.
If I was you I'd be seeking proper financial advice on this issue rather than relying on the forum to provide answers.

Regarding the Police Information Notice, from what I understand, they are not covered by legislation, and don’t themselves constitute any kind of formal legal action. One reason the police get people to sign these notices is to show in possible future legal proceedings that a suspect was aware that their behaviour would count as harassment. Because they are not covered by legislation there is no right of appeal against it.
As to whether your behaviour is harassing, that's a subjective judgement, but if your ex has asked you not to do something and you continue to do it then that can be classed as harassment.

You asked...."Has anyone any examples of their ex using the police to stop contact re negotiation".....Yep, went round to collect my daughter for contact, got no answer so left. 2 days later I get a call from local police alleging I went to ex's and was banging on the door and windows, which frightened my ex. Only thing is the ex wasn't actually there at the time, she'd taken my daughter out for the day purely to frustrate contact. I explained to officer on the phone that I only knocked on the door and the ex wasn't there, also mentioned that I was chatting to her next door neighbour as well and they would confirm I didn't "bang on the windows" as the ex claimed. I was advised not to go round there as it could be construed as harassment and had greater consequences. Advised that all communication went via solicitor, and the courts until this was resolved. Because of this I had no contact with my daughter for three months until I got her into a judges chambers.

As you've found, any agreements made during mediation are not legally binding and can be ignored by either party. Bearing that in mind......

You ask....."If I refuse mediation will this be frowned upon?"

The courts like to see that you've explored all other options before it reaches court, other options include discussion between yourselves, writing letters outlining things and what you'd like to happen, and mediation. If I was you I'd go to mediation, and if agreement can't be reached or any agreements made are ignored then you would, in effect, be free to apply to the courts.

I assume you are seeking a divorce? If so, the court won't grant it until the financial side of things have been sorted to the court's satisfaction, especially as a child is involved. Your solicitor is the best person to discuss this with, but it is entirely possible that your ex could live in the house until your child leaves education, and then it would be sold and capital apportioned according to the divorce settlement.
There are too many variables for me to advise you further on this.

Regarding contact with your son, he's now 12, so his views and wishes might be taken into consideration in determining contact arrangements, sadly I think it unlikely you'd get joint custody purely on the basis that you and your ex can't communicate effectively for his benefit. Saying that, there is no reason why you shouldn't get reasonable contact with him, but the courts do like to see a child has a stable home whilst in education so as you work shifts you've got a harder case to deal with. Once you take school days out of the equation, the "standard" position seems to be a 50/50 split of "quality" time, so in effect you'd get contact every other weekend and half of all holidays. The court might make some variation on this because of your work, but yet again, as you have a solicitor you're best bet would be to discuss that with them.

You ask..."Is there any other advice anyone can give me to help me with this situation?"

Well here's my thoughts.....You're both still hurting following your decision to end your marriage, you sound like you've got a strong personality and in some respects this is going against you. Demanding things from your ex is only going to get her on the defensive, which winds you up further, this then leads to you being more verbally aggressive which makes the situation worse, and as you've mentioned, could be classed as harassment.

Although I do understand how difficult the situation is, for all three of you, you need to take a step back and look at the situation from a more objective viewpoint, being a bit more gentle in your dealings with your ex might be a better option, don't demand, but ask. Really put your child first rather than your own desires. Do you think he wants  to see the conflict and aggravation that's currently going on between you and your ex? He's the one that's caught in the middle of this. Your ex also needs to be a bit more realistic over things, it doesn't matter who left who, neither of you should be punished financially because your marriage has broken down, but she has, and is still, raising your child, he needs stability and a home with loving, caring parents. Both of you seem to be getting wrapped up in the financial side of things and roping them in with the child related issues at the same time. She's not entitled to have the house because you left, but she does have some stake in the situation.

Sorting out the problems that exist in your life will take time, and probably a fair bit of time at that.

Do you have any friends or family that might be prepared to act as a "go-between" and help you both sort this out?

I can't think of much else to add right now, but we're never far away from the forum if you've got any more queries or thoughts.

Finally, at least for now, you need to look after yourself mentally, depression is a horrible thing to suffer from and part of depression is that you can't see a way through your current difficulties. There is always a way through it, but it will take time and some effort on your part. Remember your son is caught in this and he deserves the best you can manage. If you can't deal with your own feelings then how can you deal with how he's feeling?

Don't suffer alone, chat to a good mate about things, it doesn't mean you're "weak", it just means you're having a tough time and most of us have tough times at some point in our lives. We get through them and come out the other side a little bit wiser. You are no different in that respect. Remember you are both human, and although telling someone what you want them to do may work in your professional life, it's not going to work in your favour in your personal life.
Reply
#3
As you was/are married, I am assuming you have PR for him. In the absence of any court order making your Ex the Resident Parent, the school have to tell you why he was absent.

You have to have a defined timetable for contact, what could be on a rolling rota over several weeks, to take into account any employment timetable. (My court order is over a 4 week period, to match me work requirements).

You need to end all contracts related to the house if you do not live it in, as until you do you are liable for any bills. (In one case an ex phoned the specking clock in USA, resuting in a very high bill). Regarding a landline phone, tell the provider that as your not in residance you have reason to belive it could be missed (or that it has been), and they are duty bound to cutt it off there and then, or block any chargable calls.

I would give your son a set amount of pocket money, but are ok to make him keep it at your house (if you wish). With my 9 year old, I opened a Go Hendy Account, what is in my name, but he has his own debit card. You can block the card at any time via an app, and limit transactions, cash withdrawal, and say if it can be used online. The card will never work if any age restricted product is in the transaction. I pay into the parent account as I get paid (im self employed) and it gives him his allowance to spend via the card every week.

Regarding phones, I have an O2 Family group. I pay a set amount per month, where group members can call and text each other for free.

If your still part your house, she can not stop you going inside, let alone complain if you knock on the door.

She would have to prove anything happend before Police could get invoived.

There is a strict remit to avoid the requirement for mediation, and I am not seeing anything in your post what would exempt you.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#4
(03-28-2016, 07:35 PM)MarkR Wrote: As you was/are married, I am assuming you have PR for him. In the absence of any court order making your Ex the Resident Parent, the school have to tell you why he was absent.

You have to have a defined timetable for contact, what could be on a rolling rota over several weeks, to take into account any employment timetable. (My court order is over a 4 week period, to match me work requirements).

You need to end all contracts related to the house if you do not live it in, as until you do you are liable for any bills. (In one case an ex phoned the specking clock in USA, resuting in a very high bill). Regarding a landline phone, tell the provider that as your not in residance you have reason to belive it could be missed (or that it has been), and they are duty bound to cutt it off there and then, or block any chargable calls.

I would give your son a set amount of pocket money, but are ok to make him keep it at your house (if you wish). With my 9 year old, I opened a Go Hendy Account, what is in my name, but he has his own debit card. You can block the card at any time via an app, and limit transactions, cash withdrawal, and say if it can be used online. The card will never work if any age restricted product is in the transaction. I pay into the parent account as I get paid (im self employed) and it gives him his allowance to spend via the card every week.

Regarding phones, I have an O2 Family group. I pay a set amount per month, where group members can call and text each other for free.

If your still part your house, she can not stop you going inside, let alone complain if you knock on the door.

She would have to prove anything happend before Police could get invoived.

There is a strict remit to avoid the requirement for mediation, and I am not seeing anything in your post what would exempt you.

Hi

Yes i have parental responsibility for my son , the school now will contact me if he is absent no matter what the reason and also they post any reports they send out

I have ended all contracts re bills for the house with the exception of the fibre optic broadband as i agreed to pay that until the contract runs out in December I don't know where i stand regarding the landline as sky make you have a landline to use the fibre, I am going to give them a ring to see what they can do even if they change it to incoming calls only 

I never thought re pocket money i do give my 12yr old money but he says his mum puts its straight in the bank and he never sees it , i will look at that option as she could be spending the money and I'm paying it !

Re his mobile I pay that and it has a cap on , its unlimited data and 200 mins and unlimited text but he can't run up a huge bill so I'm safe on that however she won't let him use his mobile in the house so they only occasional access i get is when he is on his lunch at school 

She will do anything to get me in trouble at work and i still haven't had a visit however the way the domestic violence policy works with my force is that they will take her side and if its low risk they won't even speak to me !   luckily my senior leadership team are supportive and i keep them updated with whats going on as I've nothing to hide .. 

She is playing game re me going to the house , i collected my 12yr old yesterday and sat in the car and he asked me to come and sort something on his computer which i did , she did nothing but try to wind me up and i ignored her so she shut up however i have cancelled netflix as she used it and i know my son never watched it but she complained i had cancelled the account when my son was watching something , i replied politely you can set up your own account and i walked then out of the house with my son .. on speaking to him he said he never watched netflix ! 

Re the mediation so what you are saying is that I have to try this avenue first ?   if we did mediation in 2014 and she tried to bully her way through it making unreasonable demands that doesn't count ?    i suppose if i have done the mediation firstly then can take the access to the courts and won't be frowned upon 

The only concern i have with my son is that he says he is cold all the time as my ex won't put the heating on as "she can't afford it" however she is out 2 times per week and my 12yr old has to stay at his nans and since I've left she has booked every school holiday to take my son away .... i know its a game and she can easily afford everything and in fact with all the tax credits and child maintenance she earns almost the same as me ... but he says he is cold all the time , is this something i should raise at Mediation ? 
She wants to stay in the property even though I don't want her to and she certainly won't be able to get a mortgage so she seems to be shooting herself in the foot and making my son suffer to get at me 

Thanks for your input so far

(03-26-2016, 05:27 PM)Norfolk n Good Wrote: Hi Mancuk29, and welcome,

Blimey....what a tale of woe.

Regarding the financial side of things, the sum you pay your ex is purely related to Child maintenance, and is the amount laid down in the relevant statute. This has no connection to mortgage payments and is a different issue entirely. I can't help much in terms of advice on the mortgage, but sufficient to say if you and your ex are on the mortgage then you are both liable for the sums involved, and if one of you doesn't pay then the mortgage company will persue the other named party to try to get their money, as per the mortgage agreement. Obviously if you default then this could have repercussions as it will go on your credit rating, and if the mortgage goes unpaid then ultimately the mortgage company will seek to repossess the house.
If I was you I'd be seeking proper financial advice on this issue rather than relying on the forum to provide answers.

Regarding the Police Information Notice, from what I understand, they are not covered by legislation, and don’t themselves constitute any kind of formal legal action. One reason the police get people to sign these notices is to show in possible future legal proceedings that a suspect was aware that their behaviour would count as harassment. Because they are not covered by legislation there is no right of appeal against it.
As to whether your behaviour is harassing, that's a subjective judgement, but if your ex has asked you not to do something and you continue to do it then that can be classed as harassment.

You asked...."Has anyone any examples of their ex using the police to stop contact re negotiation".....Yep, went round to collect my daughter for contact, got no answer so left. 2 days later I get a call from local police alleging I went to ex's and was banging on the door and windows, which frightened my ex. Only thing is the ex wasn't actually there at the time, she'd taken my daughter out for the day purely to frustrate contact. I explained to officer on the phone that I only knocked on the door and the ex wasn't there, also mentioned that I was chatting to her next door neighbour as well and they would confirm I didn't "bang on the windows" as the ex claimed. I was advised not to go round there as it could be construed as harassment and had greater consequences. Advised that all communication went via solicitor, and the courts until this was resolved. Because of this I had no contact with my daughter for three months until I got her into a judges chambers.

As you've found, any agreements made during mediation are not legally binding and can be ignored by either party. Bearing that in mind......

You ask....."If I refuse mediation will this be frowned upon?"

The courts like to see that you've explored all other options before it reaches court, other options include discussion between yourselves, writing letters outlining things and what you'd like to happen, and mediation. If I was you I'd go to mediation, and if agreement can't be reached or any agreements made are ignored then you would, in effect, be free to apply to the courts.

I assume you are seeking a divorce? If so, the court won't grant it until the financial side of things have been sorted to the court's satisfaction, especially as a child is involved. Your solicitor is the best person to discuss this with, but it is entirely possible that your ex could live in the house until your child leaves education, and then it would be sold and capital apportioned according to the divorce settlement.
There are too many variables for me to advise you further on this.

Regarding contact with your son, he's now 12, so his views and wishes might be taken into consideration in determining contact arrangements, sadly I think it unlikely you'd get joint custody purely on the basis that you and your ex can't communicate effectively for his benefit. Saying that, there is no reason why you shouldn't get reasonable contact with him, but the courts do like to see a child has a stable home whilst in education so as you work shifts you've got a harder case to deal with. Once you take school days out of the equation, the "standard" position seems to be a 50/50 split of "quality" time, so in effect you'd get contact every other weekend and half of all holidays. The court might make some variation on this because of your work, but yet again, as you have a solicitor you're best bet would be to discuss that with them.

You ask..."Is there any other advice anyone can give me to help me with this situation?"

Well here's my thoughts.....You're both still hurting following your decision to end your marriage, you sound like you've got a strong personality and in some respects this is going against you. Demanding things from your ex is only going to get her on the defensive, which winds you up further, this then leads to you being more verbally aggressive which makes the situation worse, and as you've mentioned, could be classed as harassment.

Although I do understand how difficult the situation is, for all three of you, you need to take a step back and look at the situation from a more objective viewpoint, being a bit more gentle in your dealings with your ex might be a better option, don't demand, but ask. Really put your child first rather than your own desires. Do you think he wants  to see the conflict and aggravation that's currently going on between you and your ex? He's the one that's caught in the middle of this. Your ex also needs to be a bit more realistic over things, it doesn't matter who left who, neither of you should be punished financially because your marriage has broken down, but she has, and is still, raising your child, he needs stability and a home with loving, caring parents. Both of you seem to be getting wrapped up in the financial side of things and roping them in with the child related issues at the same time. She's not entitled to have the house because you left, but she does have some stake in the situation.

Sorting out the problems that exist in your life will take time, and probably a fair bit of time at that.

Do you have any friends or family that might be prepared to act as a "go-between" and help you both sort this out?

I can't think of much else to add right now, but we're never far away from the forum if you've got any more queries or thoughts.

Finally, at least for now, you need to look after yourself mentally, depression is a horrible thing to suffer from and part of depression is that you can't see a way through your current difficulties. There is always a way through it, but it will take time and some effort on your part. Remember your son is caught in this and he deserves the best you can manage. If you can't deal with your own feelings then how can you deal with how he's feeling?

Don't suffer alone, chat to a good mate about things, it doesn't mean you're "weak", it just means you're having a tough time and most of us have tough times at some point in our lives. We get through them and come out the other side a little bit wiser. You are no different in that respect. Remember you are both human, and although telling someone what you want them to do may work in your professional life, it's not going to work in your favour in your personal life.

I am really trying to tread on egg shells with my ex as i know its me who has walked away , she uses our son as a tool and it upsets me and thats when i have a go at her .... she won't speak to my family and her family slam the door in my face when ever i drop my lad off if my ex is busy ... 

I have a good support mechanism around me re the depression i am mad at myself for making myself ill but i am stressing about my son all the time ... 

I know I am unlikely to get joint custody but surely 2 or 3 days per week dependant on my shift as my rota is published 12 months in advance .. this is what i need to present to the court to get someone outside of the dispute to look at it .. my son loves coming to my flat when he is allowed so i don't see what the issue is apart from she uses him as a pawn in a stupid battle that could be easily solved 

Thanks for all your advice will defo take it onboard
Reply
#5
Just a quick update and also request for some advice

I haven't received any visit from the police in relation to the "so called" domestic the other week and when I dropped my 12yr old at the house yesterday my ex said that if I carried on contacting her in relation to access and also trying to sort the financial side out then i would be in serious trouble at work (i work for the police service) and this is what the police officer told her
I know its all tosh as i did nothing to warrant any contact from the police and in fact the perp was her and she is using my job as a tool to stop me discussing contact and financial

My question is , is it worth raising an issue in relation to the fact i have now been recorded as being involved in a domestic ,

I am also worried that my ex will now when i go to court / mediation say that i am a domestic violence perp and it will be used against me

I am not overly worried as the cops probably will have told her to not use the police as a tool against me however i don't know this 100%, i know that no offences will have been recorded as i haven't had a visit and my worry over a PINS hasn't happened

My ex is now likely shown as a victim of domestic violence by the fact my force records all incidents of DV however I did nothing wrong , as stated she came and tried to wind me up and provoke me , she was constantly having a go because i removed myself from the situation and went and sat in my car.

Any idea;s whether the one incident will go against me in relation to court , mediation or any other situations i may find myself in when trying to sort out this whole mess ?

Is it worth kicking up a fuss that i haven't had a right of reply and they have taken my ex's side of the story or is it just best left alone ?
Reply
#6
"Is it worth kicking up a fuss that i haven't had a right of reply and they have taken my ex's side of the story or is it just best left alone ? "

They haven't taken her side. They've investigated her allegations, as they are duty bound to do, and no action was taken. From your point of view that's a result.

"Any ideas whether the one incident will go against me in relation to court , mediation or any other situations i may find myself in when trying to sort out this whole mess ?"

Can't say for definite, but the incident my ex accused me of was mentioned in court by her solicitor, who tried very hard to make me appear a wife-beating mysogonist, it didn't make any difference in the longer term in my case.

Allegations are exactly that....allegations until proven otherwise. No evidence then no action taken. You could equally allege your ex subjected you to years of mental abuse.....Doesn't mean it's true.

With regards to sorting out access and your ex claiming "You'll be in serious trouble if you contact me" It's a pain in the proverbiable for now, but will go to show the court that she is unwilling to put her own feelings aside and deal with the important issue...your child's welfare.

For now just persue things as best you can, keep your cool. Keep your superiors informed and don't stress too much.
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#7
(03-31-2016, 08:24 AM)Norfolk n Good Wrote: "Is it worth kicking up a fuss that i haven't had a right of reply and they have taken my ex's side of the story or is it just best left alone ? "

They haven't taken her side. They've investigated her allegations, as they are duty bound to do, and no action was taken. From your point of view that's a result.

"Any ideas whether the one incident will go against me in relation to court , mediation or any other situations i may find myself in when trying to sort out this whole mess ?"

Can't say for definite, but the incident my ex accused me of was mentioned in court by her solicitor, who tried very hard to make me appear a wife-beating mysogonist, it didn't make any difference in the longer term in my case.

Allegations are exactly that....allegations until proven otherwise. No evidence then no action taken. You could equally allege your ex subjected you to years of mental abuse.....Doesn't mean it's true.

With regards to sorting out access and your ex claiming "You'll be in serious trouble if you contact me" It's a pain in the proverbiable for now, but will go to show the court that she is unwilling to put her own feelings aside and deal with the important issue...your child's welfare.

For now just persue things as best you can, keep your cool. Keep your superiors informed and don't stress too much.

Thank you - its daft i deal with peoples issues every day but when it comes to my own i stress over stupid stuff .. what was interesting she said yesterday that three things need sorting when she made the "you will be in serious trouble if you contact me" statement 

1. my pension
2. the house
3. access to my 12yr old

shame our priorities are different mine is access to my 12yr old first and then the rest of the rubbish !
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#8
After 18 years married, she will be entitled to something. That's just a plain fact, but it's not related to the issues of contact with your child. You could be skint and still have access to your child, and although it's no real comfort to you.....There's no point being rich in a graveyard.
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#9
My ex is very money orientated , that was another issue she saved her money and i spent all my money on bills and food so had little left

She can have half my pension I have another 23yrs to work towards my pension , its money for tomorrow not today

What is more important is access to my son nothing else matters
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