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Allowed to have my sons hair cut ?
#1
Ok guys my first post on here and i was wondering if someone could tell me if i'm legally in the right, or if she is correct in saying what shes saying. I will give you the story.

So i was at a Christening on Saturday with my Daughter (the eldest and my son), i was godfather so wanted the kids to look smart, got my son a little river island outfit..... his hair constantly hanging over his ears and looking like a butcher has cut it. I decided to take him for a cut he sat on my knee and watched me get mine done then he done the same....... no problems at all. i simply just wanted him to look nice, at the time i didn't realise i was doing anything wrong.
As soon as i got him ready i sent her a picture just saying how cool our son looked...... i then got bombarded with messages for the next 24 hours saying i had no right to get his haircut as she says she has parental responsibility and SHE makes the decisions not me, constantly speaks to me like dirt on her shoe.

So when i dropped him off i was getting him out his car seat, when she come out i said he had eaten like a little good one and he maybe tired as he had been playing with the other kids. I went to the boot of the car and i just received a load of abuse from her and her mother about his hair, I could see they were after a bite so i said look not infront of the kids got in my car and drove off. when i got home i had a message saying i still had his cap and that i needed to bring it back, the cap was forgotten about while i was trying to get away form the argument they were trying to cause. I refused and said she could come collect it if she wished or i would give it back this weekend(although he does have a number of other caps).

she is now saying if i get his haircut again she will stop my contact and get a solicitor, she also saying i need to bring my own clothes and change him before i drive away (even though all the clothes i buy go back with him so he gets more use out of them)

I pay my maintenance, i beg to see him more often but i'm constantly made to feel like the lesser person. Constantly being told i'm not doing enough or paying enough (all done through CSA) Currently at the lowest point I've ever felt constant arguments about nothing .. Sad

so what im saying is.... am i allowed to have his hair cut. 


Thanks in advance

ps: she asks for atleast 10 pictures in the space of 24 hours when hes with me, if i don't send them she threatens to pick him up..... is this normal?
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#2
Its not normal - but if you are on the birth certificate - and there is NO court order, then your both on the SAME legal footing - you both have parental responsibility
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
(07-05-2018, 03:08 PM)invisibleintellectual Wrote: Its not normal - but if you are on the birth certificate - and there is NO court order, then your both on the SAME legal footing - you both have parental responsibility

This is very good to know.... just didn't want to be the one saying i was right when i legally wasn't.

Thank you very much.
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#4
If you wanted to shave your sons head, you can, and theres nothing that she could do about it.

Her solicitor wouldn't even entertain writing a court order application out for such petty things, the clothing issue is rubbish as well, the courts couldn't care less as long as a child is in clean and clothed.

Its not normal asking for so many photos of him as well, theres always the side of the 'concerned mother' when contact first begins but your ex is being unreasonable by asking for them in the first place, she needs to know her legal foothold with the children and yourself, seems she is one of the mothers who thinks they are above the father..
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#5
She clearly states in hundreds of messages that I have no rights, she makes the rules and what ever she says goes..... these are actually the words she uses not mine.

Thank you very much for your reply mate.

Sorry mate would this still be the same if we were not married ?

Name is still on the birth certificate and there is no court order.

Cheers
l
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#6
I'm still having this , thing is I've never so much as touched my daughter's hair, she is two years old and has very little hair at the sides and the front but plenty at the back . We started off with a handover book after court which we abandoned after a few months due to the constant accusations of me or someone
In my family cutting the hair . She's now been phoning my mother up accusing her too , something we wouldn't dream of doing as things are so tricky and contentious . It's very plain to everyone that my little one just has slow growing hair and I've even seen her pulling it out on occasions . But that's not really the point , we too have been threatened with solicitors so I asked ours what the position is on this , and she re iterated what I already knew , that as I have parental responsibility , I can indeed take her for a hair cut , but I wouldn't do it at this stage due to stirring up a hornets nest . It's really so petty , just another attempt at control though. P.s. we we not married and I have a pretty good child arrangements order .
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#7
I feel for you mate I really do, that's what it is with my ex control always has been always will be.

I suffered a dislocated jaw because I wouldn't argue with her outside a friends engagement party, locked in the house with no keys when working from home and she wasn't in..... couldn't go to the toilet without leaving the door open.

Keep being told I walked out on them.... I walked away because I felt I would one day retaliate but that was from her not my boy hes apart of me... she knows exactly how much a care about my son.
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#8
She is incorrect and talking ballocks - as there is no court order and your named on the birth certificate YOU BOTH have the same Parental Responsibility and Legal Standing
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#9
All I would say is - it's a very common thing for Mothers to release nuclear weapons if anyone else cuts a child's hair - particularly if it's a girl. Technically there is no reason why you shouldn't, but I wouldn't advise it without suggesting it to her first. The hair thing is massive!

I think it's one area where co-parenting and agreement is a must. You'll get the opposite too where she'll keep asking you to get haircuts during your time and pay for them (maybe) but then insist on an expensive hairdresser instead of the local barber. And cutting it yourself - don't even go there. You'll be accused of abuse!

There is actually a weird thing where cutting someone's hair used to be seen as a bad thing.
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#10
Tell her to get fucked.

Is my first instinct.

But mindful me knows that the best way to really be at peace is to smile politely and then ignore her. The clothes. The hair. It’s all just continuing drama. Ignore it. She can’t stop contact for any of these reasons.

Smile. Ignore. Keep living the important parts of life.
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