Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
My wife wants to leave me
#1
We have been been together 7 years, married 4 and a half and have two children 4 and almost 1. My youngest turns 1 in just 3 weeks ! 

A month ago on my birthday! when I was trying to get intimate my wife came out and told me the marriage isn't working and she doesn't know if she loves me anymore. This all came to a head as the day before I said something I shouldn't that was aggressive as we have had issues in the past about the way I speak to her. I absolutely love her and my kids and at times I do say the wrong things. We have argued in the past and split up a few times but never more than a day! 

It's now been a month and I've been out the family home since it happened. This time it's different, it's all come to a head, we didn't argue, we calmly spoke and she got everything off her chest and I left the home. 

The last month has been up and down, we are going to counselling and have been on a 'date' as well as a couple of family trips to the zoo etc but she told me nothing has changed and she doesn't know if she is in love with me or because of the way I have treated her if she can ever trust me to change

I keep telling her I've changed, and I really have. Spending a month away from her and the kids is enough to kick me into a different man. The time we have spent together has been amazing and even the other night we were laughing and being silly watching the football just me and her. But she says that it's just a friendship and can't see it changing. 

She has spoken of a trial separation and actually distancing ourselves even more as currently we do message every day, mostly about the kids. We have a family whatsapp group so I still see and comment on pictures of the kids daily. I've bought her surprise presents, taken her out for dinner, watched the football with my son and her but I don't know what to do? I keep fighting and we have only been to the councillor three times (twice on our own) 

I tell her our friendship needs to be spot on, we need to laugh and giggle and I need to prove I'm a better man. But she says maybe it's too little too late. 

I just don't know what to do? She is my best friend and I love her and don't want this to be the end. I can't imagine only ever seeing my kids on the weekend for the rest of my life and another man potentially kissing my wife, but nothing is changing as far as I can see in the last month! We are meant to go away in 7 weeks for a week! 

Any advice?
Reply
#2
I personally would cut my losses bro .I seen your story to many times.forget the past move on brother think of your future plenty other women to love trust me .you will have to get used to seeing your kids on weekends .
Reply
#3
First bit of advice would be to move back in again as moving out (assuming you aren't being violent or threatening) is probably the worst thing you could have done at this stage.

Are you still paying or contributing to the bills?

As far as reconciliation is concerned forget it. Once they make their minds up that's it.
Focus on yourself and your kids.
Reply
#4
(07-09-2018, 10:05 AM)watsa64 Wrote: First bit of advice would be to move back in again as moving out (assuming you aren't being violent or threatening)  is probably the worst thing you could have done at this stage.

Are you still paying or contributing to the bills?

As far as reconciliation is concerned forget it. Once they make their minds up that's it.
Focus on yourself and your kids.

I just read so many messy stories and think divorce is messy. We get on well when together and don't want it to get messy but obviously know it will. That's why I'm fighting for it. We still have counselling for the next few weeks and will see how that goes together and even had lunch yesterday with the kids which was nice but she

I'm paying all bills, mortgage and giving her money per month as she only works part time. When exactly does that change and should it change in the short term? It's only been a month? 

Hard to move back in it's a three bed and the kids have their own room each and she doesn't want to share with me. I can't sleep on the sofa for the next year! Plus i'm trying to give her space! 

All so new to this, we've only ever split up for a day before or two at most!
Reply
#5
(07-09-2018, 10:15 AM)dru0618 Wrote:
(07-09-2018, 10:05 AM)watsa64 Wrote: First bit of advice would be to move back in again as moving out (assuming you aren't being violent or threatening)  is probably the worst thing you could have done at this stage.

Are you still paying or contributing to the bills?

As far as reconciliation is concerned forget it. Once they make their minds up that's it.
Focus on yourself and your kids.

I just read so many messy stories and think divorce is messy. We get on well when together and don't want it to get messy but obviously know it will. That's why I'm fighting for it. We still have counselling for the next few weeks and will see how that goes together and even had lunch yesterday with the kids which was nice but she

I'm paying all bills, mortgage and giving her money per month as she only works part time. When exactly does that change and should it change in the short term? It's only been a month? 

Hard to move back in it's a three bed and the kids have their own room each and she doesn't want to share with me. I can't sleep on the sofa for the next year! Plus i'm trying to give her space! 

All so new to this, we've only ever split up for a day before or two at most!

You're giving her everything she wants - free upkeep  plus you out of her life.

You really need to start standing up for yourself.

BTW she can claim a shit load of benefits now as a single mum so you don't need to  keep paying the bills
Reply
#6
from my experience brother cut loses .i even cut loses with my daughter forever .i had a x that never respected me fucked every thing that moved my own close family .i tried for my daughter .but no bro it’s not worth your sanity it lead to voilence you can’t make someone love you or respect you my x run back to my uncle we’ll stay with me play happy families cut them loose .bro there is so many women out there trust me I have had hotter then my x and nicer then my x .do not sell yourself short do not tolerate that shit she wanted leader ship I gave her .her marching orders a dishonourable discharge from my life with a note that said go see if the grass is greener .
Reply
#7
(07-09-2018, 10:15 AM)dru0618 Wrote: I just read so many messy stories and think divorce is messy. We get on well when together and don't want it to get messy but obviously know it will. That's why I'm fighting for it. We still have counselling for the next few weeks and will see how that goes together and even had lunch yesterday with the kids which was nice but she

I'm paying all bills, mortgage and giving her money per month as she only works part time. When exactly does that change and should it change in the short term? It's only been a month? 

Hard to move back in it's a three bed and the kids have their own room each and she doesn't want to share with me. I can't sleep on the sofa for the next year! Plus i'm trying to give her space! 

All so new to this, we've only ever split up for a day before or two at most!
Unfortunately the friend-zone is a very hard place to get back out of, into the kind of relationship it was before. I've been there.

Best thing is to stop pressuring her or trying to talk her into seeing you've changed. Spend time understanding yourself and work on yourself, and don't try to show her. She will notice. But don't do it for her or your relationship - do it for yourself, to be a better man.

Being in the friend-zone, isn't a bad place to be if things do end. The biggest battle will be with yourself - accepting what is happening, understanding her and keeping things friendly for your kids sake.
Reply
#8
(07-09-2018, 10:44 AM)nibbler Wrote:
(07-09-2018, 10:15 AM)dru0618 Wrote: I just read so many messy stories and think divorce is messy. We get on well when together and don't want it to get messy but obviously know it will. That's why I'm fighting for it. We still have counselling for the next few weeks and will see how that goes together and even had lunch yesterday with the kids which was nice but she

I'm paying all bills, mortgage and giving her money per month as she only works part time. When exactly does that change and should it change in the short term? It's only been a month? 

Hard to move back in it's a three bed and the kids have their own room each and she doesn't want to share with me. I can't sleep on the sofa for the next year! Plus i'm trying to give her space! 

All so new to this, we've only ever split up for a day before or two at most!
Unfortunately the friend-zone is a very hard place to get back out of, into the kind of relationship it was before. I've been there.

Best thing is to stop pressuring her or trying to talk her into seeing you've changed. Spend time understanding yourself and work on yourself, and don't try to show her. She will notice. But don't do it for her or your relationship - do it for yourself, to be a better man.

Being in the friend-zone, isn't a bad place to be if things do end. The biggest battle will be with yourself - accepting what is happening, understanding her and keeping things friendly for your kids sake.
Thanks mate helpful advice. Truthfully I read so much online and it gets so nasty that we have both said if we can keep a friendship it will be best for the kids. Therefore hopefully if it doesn't work out and I have a day off she will be flexible in letting me see the kids, doing bedtime, taking them away etc

It's just so hard to know what to do. She says she wants space, then asks if i wanna do lunch yesterday. She's going out loads with other single/seperated/divorced friends so that doesn't help, whilst I'm sitting at my parents house reflecting

I am going to go to anger management classes to make myself better and I've told her that. 

I just don't know how long to keep it like this before we have to actually talk divorce, money, etc etc etc! 
Reply
#9
(07-09-2018, 11:07 AM)dru0618 Wrote:
(07-09-2018, 10:44 AM)nibbler Wrote:
(07-09-2018, 10:15 AM)dru0618 Wrote: I just read so many messy stories and think divorce is messy. We get on well when together and don't want it to get messy but obviously know it will. That's why I'm fighting for it. We still have counselling for the next few weeks and will see how that goes together and even had lunch yesterday with the kids which was nice but she

I'm paying all bills, mortgage and giving her money per month as she only works part time. When exactly does that change and should it change in the short term? It's only been a month? 

Hard to move back in it's a three bed and the kids have their own room each and she doesn't want to share with me. I can't sleep on the sofa for the next year! Plus i'm trying to give her space! 

All so new to this, we've only ever split up for a day before or two at most!
Unfortunately the friend-zone is a very hard place to get back out of, into the kind of relationship it was before. I've been there.

Best thing is to stop pressuring her or trying to talk her into seeing you've changed. Spend time understanding yourself and work on yourself, and don't try to show her. She will notice. But don't do it for her or your relationship - do it for yourself, to be a better man.

Being in the friend-zone, isn't a bad place to be if things do end. The biggest battle will be with yourself - accepting what is happening, understanding her and keeping things friendly for your kids sake.
Thanks mate helpful advice. Truthfully I read so much online and it gets so nasty that we have both said if we can keep a friendship it will be best for the kids. Therefore hopefully if it doesn't work out and I have a day off she will be flexible in letting me see the kids, doing bedtime, taking them away etc

It's just so hard to know what to do. She says she wants space, then asks if i wanna do lunch yesterday. She's going out loads with other single/seperated/divorced friends so that doesn't help, whilst I'm sitting at my parents house reflecting

I am going to go to anger management classes to make myself better and I've told her that. 

I just don't know how long to keep it like this before we have to actually talk divorce, money, etc etc etc! 

When she says she wants space, it means she doesn't want you in her life. 
She's probably met someone else or will do soon.
How do you feel about him coming back to the house you're paying for?
Reply
#10
Here is your biggest mistake fuck reflecting stop tell her stuff( She doesn’t care).get your dancing shoes on go out pick up .dwelling on a women oh we are still friends it’s going work out .we going to play happy family’s with the golden retriever and white picket fence and children .you sound gay .she be out there strutting around with her new found freedom with every Tom dick and harry .bro wake up
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)