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Diary
#1
My wife is keeping a diary and she is documenting everything. Even saying l am neglecting the children. I can't believe at what lengths she is going to and l would never neglect them. I have also kept a diary of events but who will the courts believe. Please help l am not coping well with this and l love my children.
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#2
How do you know?
The reason I am asking is just to warn, if you get caught going through her emails or personal things, it could back fire on you big time. You are probably not anyway.

My advice would be just focus on yourself, think about your future, stay calm and stay put. Don't move out.

It will take time to a accept it. It took me over a year. But know that it is not in your hands. If she wants to do it, there is nothing you can do to change it.

I know it is difficult, I have been there and am still not over it . But best thing you can do right now is pretend it is over and think of a new start. Back to square 1. Try to better yourself for yourself not her.it will make you feel better about yourself which is what matters most.
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#3
(07-10-2018, 08:14 PM)DadDolent Wrote: How do you know?
The reason I am asking is just to warn, if you get caught going through her emails or personal things, it could back fire on you big time. You are probably not anyway.

My advice would be just focus on yourself, think about your future, stay calm and stay put. Don't move out.

It will take time to a accept it. It took me over a year. But know that it is not in your hands. If she wants to do it, there is nothing you can do to change it.

I know it is difficult, I have been there and am still not over it . But best thing you can do right now is pretend it is over and think of a new start. Back to square 1. Try to better yourself for yourself not her.it will make you feel better about yourself which is what matters most.
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#4
No evidence - just hearsay. So don’t worry.
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#5
(07-10-2018, 10:23 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: No evidence - just hearsay. So don’t worry.

cheers mate
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#6
If you cannot agree on things - always facilitate to higher instance - institution.
Contact couple therapist, describe the situation and move from there.
Be vigilant in your approach - unity exists only if each party feels part of it - so do your part... and do it sincerely....

Best wishes to you and your wife to keep what you have...
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#7
(07-10-2018, 05:10 PM)Rawman68 Wrote: My wife is keeping a diary and she is documenting everything. Even saying l am neglecting the children. I can't believe at what lengths she is going to and l would never neglect them. I have also kept a diary of events but who will the courts believe. Please help l am not coping well with this and l love my children.

Rawman - Time to get into the detail and do some preparation. The reason she is keeping a diary is probably to prove domestic abuse, as this includes coercive control, emotional and financial abuse its worth two things:

1) read up on domestic abuse and be hard on yourself and how you come across, some of the shit you have to deal with and knock back might be seen differently by her, ask a friend or relative to give you some insight.

2) if you need to, start to 'act' better, even if you don't think you need to justify to her why she cant have or do a particular thing, or why you wont do it; you need to remove the friction and usually that just needs either better explanation on some of the detail, delivered in a softer and more rounded way, its acting but what she see's is no longer giving her ammunition. There are lessons available online about how to deliver bad news in a good way.

If she's trying to prove negligence then it will be on some minor detail of childcare, I got called a 'shit parent' because I let my daughter stay up past her bedtime and disagreed with some of her parenting decisions, get prepared by deliberately preparing and staging opportunities that prove your good parenting.

And get counselling
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#8
Hi. I have started to record/ take notes 7month ago. But I do it on my phone, as things happen. ( For how many days she has not come back home, how I am doing homeworks with the kids , taking them out. Taking pictures of them )

Will it some how help me in the court?
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#9
Courts don't usually like photos being presented but written diary notes and documents are acceptable. I now write diary notes by emailing them to myself so they are date stamped. ie writing an email to myself.

Whatever your wife writes can be argued against if it comes to court. But if you think she may be going to accuse you of neglect or abuse then you need to protect yourself. Could you go to mediation with her - distract her from writing diaries and get an impartial person discussing where things are going with you both? And also getting a parenting agreement drawn up. That will also help undermine her diary later.
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#10
The situation is getting worse
.i looked up domestic abuse...
1) control -. She has always controlled everything. Money ( only letting me have £80 a month,to spend)
Always controlling the bills.
She always goes out when she wants l have never said no)
She keeps a calendar with dates when she is doing stuff and l never questioned it.

She moved a wardrobe into the spare room with my clothes in it whilst our daughter was still awake downstairs.

The bedroom where she sleeps with my daughter is a death trap full of clothes everywhere. I told her she needs to see a doctor not for my sake but the children's sake she replied..
' that is what a domestic abuser does.

I went to the cab because l think it is me being abused but they couldn't help me because she has already been there and it is a conflict of interest.

Someone please help. I am not an abuser.
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