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Need opinions regarding the ex breaching her own Non-Molestation Order.
#1
Hi everyone,

I have a bit if a dilemma here and was hoping that someone might have some advice.

My estranged wife left in February and applied for a Non-Molestation Order. This was all based on lies and false allegations. I provided an undertaking as I wanted her to feel safe feeling it necessary to make her feel I was attempting to prove I would do anything to protect even against myself, regardless of the allegations being false. Suppose that is what happens when you have blind love?

Anyway to cut to the point my wife is using the Non-Molestation Order in my Child Arrangements Order, where I am seeking fair access to my two sons, claiming mental health and instability. I have adhered to the terms that were imposed, had no contact and moved on with my life and am purely focused on getting fair and equal access to my sons as they are both young.

I sent over to the court while carbon copying her solicitor and her into the same email, my Scott Schedule for my allegations of domestic abuse that I have sustained, my statement, my evidence exhibits and all of the relevant GP medical records for the last year that prove I am not mentally ill as she tried to have me diagnosed as by trying to sway my GP.

About three hours after sending the court papers to the relevant parties as I was ordered to do by the court in the last order on the 25th April, my wife decided to call me!

I ignored the first call and when she called back I let my friend answer the phone. She went on to ask him why I was supposedly lying despite having evidenced all of the instances of domestic abuse as everything was true. She then went on to claim that if she called me I could speak with her, and then wanted to speak to me to say sorry for everything and that she wasn’t sure what she was doing and just felt lonely and wanted to speak with me.

Now I was told by the district judge that I am not allowed direct or indirect contact with my wife under any circumstances and that included if she spoke with me as I could be held in contempt of court and imprisoned for up to five years.
So did I do the right thing ignoring the call? I mean obviously I want to speak with her and be amicable for the kids, I’ve moved on and have no interest in her personal life anymore. The order was not granted on the ex parte basis she applied for as she had no significant evidence to support her allegations, or counter my factual evidence and true accounts of everything. So surely she was attempting to manipulate the situation in order to entrap me and have me prosecuted for contempt of court?

I just don’t know what to do as I know she won’t remove the order, but I am sure that is the only way I can safely speak with her. But right now as we have court on Monday I feel she is just trying to gain the advantage anyway possible because her lies will mow be seen publicly and her for what she really is.
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#2
(07-10-2018, 11:06 PM)Akarou Wrote: Now I was told by the district judge that I am not allowed direct or indirect contact with my wife under any circumstances and that included if she spoke with me as I could be held in contempt of court and imprisoned for up to five years.

If that’s the specific wording in the Order then I think you’d be taking a risk by speaking to your ex, even if she initiated the contact by ringing you.  As you’re back in court on Monday, it seems not worth taking this risk.

If she chose to ring the police to report a breach, you’d be arrested and questioned by the police. When it came to light that she’d made the call to you, the police and CPS would likely not proceed with a case against you and it would be NFA’d. But it’s still a lot of hassle.

Would it be worth contacting your ex’s solicitor and asking if your ex is willing to apply to the court to have the order lifted? Although you’ve stated that you don’t think she’d be willing to do that. Even if she did agree to apply to have the order lifted it will have to be listed for a hearing, which will be beyond the court date on Monday.
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#3
Don't do anything until you go to court Monday. In other words ignore all contact no matter what. she can speak to you in court on the day through solicitors. Anything now will be turned against and probs your ex playing games as she knows u so well
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#4
Thanks guys that’s what I thought. The wording on the court order states the usual.
Not to harass, intimidate use violence or be aggressive towards her.
Not to instruct others to do the above either.
Not to have direct or indirect contact and not to be within 100 meters of any property she resides in.

When she contacted me it threw me for six, as it has been nearly 6 months since she left and 5 months since the order was granted at the end of March because of my undertaking.
I just have this feeling that because I have provided all of the evidence to the court as requested, as the hearing Monday is to determine if they will be conducting a CAFCASS section 7 report, and ordering a finding of fact hearing. So I think that because she has read my witness statement and seen the evidence I have which all corroborates everything I have said, that she knows her statement used in her Non-Molestation Order will now be seen to be false and full of lies, inaccuracies and in fact used cases of her abusing me to make herself look like the victim. So because she doesn’t have any evidence to counter act the evidence I have provided she must be panicking and trying to get me on anything she possibly can, I imagine she intended to record the call and edit sections out to “prove” I was “lying” and then would also apply for me to have been breaching the order.

Seems to be a common thing I have seen with women who get these orders to abuse their ex husbands, they all seem to break the order themselves when evidence comes to light that discredits them.
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#5
*UPDATE*

So I have just re-read the court order and there appears to be some inaccuracies which confuses me of where I stand. It appears that the Undertaking form is dated and ordered from 23rd March 2019?

I’m waiting on a callback from my solicitor to confirm if this clerical error would see me in breach if I were to contact the ex. Naturally I would record any call for my own safety of what would be said as I won’t fall into a trap laid by her any longer.

But should I not have a formally typed order for the Non-Molestation Order Undertaking? I only appear to have ever received the copy I was given on the day along with a scanned copy of the exact one that was hand written!
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#6
According to the first lines of your post and subsequent post you don't have a non-molestation order against you, you have simply made an undertaking.

However, later in your first post you say you were "told by the district judge that I am not allowed direct or indirect contact with my wife under any circumstances", which suggests you were in fact given an order, which is it?
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#7
By giving the undertaking her Non-Molestation Order was granted. At least that is how I see it and how it was explained by the District Judge.
The paperwork I have from the court is a form for an accepted undertaking.

Hope that clears it up.
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#8
Do not, under any circumstances talk to her, message her, write to her, o pick up the phone. Block her number, block her email address. If it's an actual emergency she can contact a mutual friend. Just cut her off she will get you in trouble. Sounds like she's trying to continue the drama when you have moved on, don't let her.
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#9
Well there are no mutual friends between us to have contact with as she blocked everyone even associated to me the day she left, probably so no one could call her out on her fictitious lies. But I have sent the screenshots as evidence to the courts ready for Monday when the next hearing is set for. I haven’t heard anything from her since, so I would guess it was her trying to yet again control me and trying to manipulate the situation to her own advantage.
I have explicitly stated to the courts and to her solicitor that if she wishes to talk then she will have to apply for the courts to have the order removed in order to do so.

The only contact she has had with me since the Undertaking was given for the Non-Molestation Order, is me serving the relevant documents for Monday’s hearing onto her, by including her via CC into the email where I sent the documents to the court. But one, that was ordered by the court that I have to serve the papers on her and her legal representation, two, the email was not directed at her, so I don’t see this as direct or indirect contact.
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#10
ONLY 3 DAYS TO GO!!. DO NOT speak to your ex under any circumstances!! shes out to try and stitch you up. when you go to court knowing she isn't going anywhere with any of this may reach agreement in court , but this needs to be done at court. absolutely no reason to speak or contact her this late on..remember this person served u a non molestation order
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