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Where to live advice needed!
#1
Me and my wife separated last year, we have 2 two young children (2 & 5), and are getting on fine. I have the kids 3 nights a week and so far no drama.
We own a house together, and I have no plan to sell it yet, it’s my kids home and I know my ex can’t afford anything else. However, this leaves me in a crappy place. I currently live in a flat above my work, but it’s a small 1 bedroom place. When the kids come over, I sleep on a blow up bed and my 5 year old has the bed and my little ones in a cot. But I can’t keep living like this, but as I’m still paying the mortgage and maintenance of my old house, I can’t afford to rent anything else.
Has anyone else been in a similar position. I have no idea if there are any other options out there...
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#2
Move in back to ur place why u paying mortgage and u renting else where, how u going to feel when next thing u know she is fuckin someone in ur house u paying for an u squatting somewhere on blow up bed. U mugging urself off ofcourse she gets along with u fine I would too. See if she gets along with u the moment u say u moving back in or u want her to pay mortgage since u not there this situation can't exist for much longer u ll run out of money kids will start getting bored and eventually u ll snap meaning u two not getting along son is inevitable. So sort this out until u still able to think straight have some money and able to apply logic in finding solutions otherwise it just a matter of time when u snap.

It's quite funny how selfish and self centred they are they get along with everyone as long as they can be living parasitic life. The moment u cut the supply watch how how friendly they become as they think u re mug who owes them living. All of sudden u ll hear u not the father those are her kids not urs and the house ofcourse it hers.all I can say to u remember this! Don't empathise with her because would she if the table was turned? I'm sure u know the answer, look after yourself first then look after others plus another thing 200% true NICE GUYS DON'T GET RESPECT society media and Holywood teach you from very young age be nice let a woman walk all over u u sing one or two serenades with flowers she ll run to ur arms, respecting u forever I'm sorry my friend reality is women are selfish narcissistic all about memmemememe there's no room for u.

Did she ask u one time if u were ok where u are and since its our house would you like to move back in or if u need help did she offer to pay for mortgage? Sure! But u two are getting along lol those women my friend the way they act is disgusting
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#3
(07-11-2018, 07:21 AM)Ja85 Wrote: Me and my wife separated last year, we have 2 two young children (2 & 5), and are getting on fine. I have the kids 3 nights a week and so far no drama.
We own a house together, and I have no plan to sell it yet, it’s my kids home and I know my ex can’t afford anything else. However, this leaves me in a crappy place. I currently live in a flat above my work, but it’s a small 1 bedroom place. When the kids come over, I sleep on a blow up bed and my 5 year old has the bed and my little ones in a cot. But I can’t keep living like this, but as I’m still paying the mortgage and maintenance of my old house, I can’t afford to rent anything else.
Has anyone else been in a similar position. I have no idea if there are any other options out there...

Ok this might go against the grain with some, but your providing a house for your kids. I think maybe you could ask if she could help out with the mortgage, its a difficult one, on the one hand you are providing a roof for your kids (sure the ex is there but so what). If they are in a reasonable area and comfortable then for me thats what matters.

I couldnt care less what my ex did or didnt do, as long as your doing right by your kids then focus on that. Is there a chance you could talk t her about maybe downsizing a bit? Explain the situation in a reasonable manner and see what the two of you can come up with. Working together would be my first option, getting bitter and nasty isnt going to get you anywhere.

But it does sound like you cant keep the current situation going. So if your getting on wit the ex talk to her and see what you come up with, respect from society or whatever dosnt matter, what matters is respect from your kids and you showing them how to be decent human beings. Yes its true we seem to get the shit end of the stick, but that is the way it is.
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#4
When it comes to renting often here is not that much difference in rental costs from a 1 bed to a two bed place but it depends where you live of course.

Are divorce proceedings underway because you cannot pay mortgage and rent indefinitely and if she cannot afford the mortgage the house may well have to be sold.

You could speak to your lender about switching Chong to interest to reduce costs which may help.
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#5
Sell the house definitely do not sponsor someone who no longer ( if ever) cares for u, sponsor or help someone who cares who is waiting for u every day to come home who misses u, don't worry about her whoever is going end up inside her this weekend or maybe next week surely someone ll maybe they can help with her living ur responsibility is ur childminder not the bitch simple, it's time she is told to keep moving and u get legal arengement before status quo changes not in ur favour.
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#6
(07-11-2018, 11:59 AM)Robert London Wrote: Sell the house definitely do not sponsor someone who no longer ( if ever)  cares for u, sponsor or help someone who cares who is waiting for u every day to come home who misses u, don't worry about her whoever is going end up inside her this weekend or maybe next week surely someone ll maybe they can help with her living ur responsibility is ur childminder not the bitch simple, it's time she is told to keep moving and u get legal arengement before status quo changes not in ur favour.

no offense intended, but why is this about 'her'? The forum is about separated dads, i take that to mean people who care about their kids and want to be a part of their lives. I would rather my kids lived in a reasonable safe area than some kind of hell hole simply because i wanted a nicer place. now i know the OP isnt after a better place as such and yes it does sound like he needs a better arrangement. But i dont get why people focus on what the ex is or isnt doing or with whom, like my own situation i find it really sad a long term relationship has ended, but i except it has and i will move on.

Somewhere on here i read someone say " stay focused on your kids" and i think thats probably the best advice ever. OP it sounds like you get on with your ex, try talking to her about it. I think the better the pair of you get on the better the outcome for both.
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#7
These practical issues are tricky. Best thing to do in the interim would be change the mortgage to interest only so the payments are lower, which should free up some income so you can afford to rent. Someone else may come along with more specific info on benefits for your wife (who is technically a single Mum now). But basically she should be getting the child tax credits for the children and possibly some other benefits if she isn't working, to help pay for the accommodation etc and you should be paying child support based on your income (CMS calculator will tell you how much. So for example if the mortgage interest only is £500 and your Child Support payments are assessed at £350 a month, you could write formally saying you will pay her £500 a month - £350 of which is child support and the remainder is additional.

At some point it needs formalising. Do you have any family you could live with for a while? A bigger flat would be better if affordable. Check out private rentals - newsagents windows, that kind of thing.
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