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CAO & Flexability
#1
Hi
I am new here and need some advice..
Long story short my ex gave my son to her mother when he was 3 and went to america for 6 months then when returned moved 2 hours drive away only visiting him the odd weekends etc, but was claiming CSA from me.. They had my son in all different houses and schools..
After a long court order which involved the grandmother admitting using cocaine which court wasnt concerned about and scoring high on a alcohol test which come back inconclusive, the mother wanting no part only to support her mother having our son, they gave in and decided to allow my son to finally live with me, Sun - Fri and his Mother and Nan Friday to Sunday.. He is down with living with us all Confused...

So I have him Sun from 6, till Friday 3pm were he is then picked up from school and taken on a 2 hr drive to his mothers then back sunday at 6..

I allow his mum to call him on a wednesday in the week...

We have been arguing loads lately as in the order it says all partys agree to be flexible with regards to care...
My idea of flexability is if his mums not available of the weekend to allow through the week, or if i have a family party of a weekend i can swap a day with his mother...

His mum is now constantly wanting to call every night and for her and her family to take him out everyday in the week and calling me selfish and not flexible because i dont agree.
When she calls my son its always a pointless call to alienate him, example, Guess what were doing on the weekend.. Ive got you lots of sweets when you get here, which is unsettling for my son as i feel she is doing it to upset his routine with me, and so he wants to see her more. He is now 6 years old.

Its really stressing me and my partner out, as yes we will be flexibile when it comes to him doing something important but not flexible when she stamps her feet and wants her own way.

is there any advice anybody has for this or anybody i can talk to?

Ive tried to meet face to face to sort it but she wants to do mediaition after she failed to turn up when i tried and we already have a court order.
I ask for no CSA as i want her to take our son out even though she hit me with it hard and want no contact unless its an emergency. she does not agree and is constantly harrasing me saying i want a quick 2 min call with him, while were having a family tea or watching a film, its all the time. Shes late bringing him home due to traffic and wont leave earlier, always forgets his school uniform so i have to buy more, anybody please help??
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#2
Have a set day when Mum can call and also let your 6 year old know which day it is? If there is a problem she can text if its child related.


Flexible means changing a day here and a day there on rare occasions. I would start following court order and not entertaining what they are doing and advise them when your son isn't seeing them a particular weekend why they would be silly enough to cause trouble by saying guess what we are doing etc

i also think you are being more than reasonable the courts clearly see you as the RESPONSIBLE parent as i just noticed they got you doing all the school runs. infact are they doing that bad seeing your son every weekend. with summer holidays coming up then theres time for flexibility i guess. your son needs routine and don't need his mum ringing up every day unsettling him all the time
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