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She wont let me see my children unsupervised
#1
Hello,

I hope this is the right place, I'm at a loss and have no idea what to do. 

I have been married for 10 years and together for 12. We have 3 children. 2 boys 8 and 9 and our daughter 11.
Things have not been great between us for a long time. In February this year, we had an argument.
I work from home and so she expected me to take the kids to school, pick them up from school, feed them etc and to have them during the holidays. I was finding it very hard to get work done and it was a source of many arguments and stress. One night we got into one. My youngest son who has behavior issues was being difficult and she stormed off and left me to deal with him. I was trying to get him to go up the stairs and he was throwing himself around, I lost my temper for a moment and pushed him hard towards the stairs, he went into the wall and hurt himself. I instantly regretted it and he had a bruise on his chin(she took a photo). At the end of the week, we split up. She claimed she thought I was dangerous although the breakup had been coming for a long time. 

I agreed to everything she wanted, I felt incredibly guilty and just wanted to do what was right for the kids. I let her have the house and car and I pay over the required amount for child support. 

She allowed me to come around on Fridays to see the kids for 2 hours. I did this believing that we could work something amicable out. I had made a mistake and wanted to move forward for the kids. She said I needed to do counseling or anger management. I agreed but said I wanted to know what I needed to do so I could work towards having unsupervised access to the kids. She said to be patient, she is arranging family counseling for the kids and will speak to them. This kept me hanging for a few months(she was on a waiting list). Today she told me they had said that if they found out I was seeing the kids unsupervised they would report it to social services. 
She has said that she reported me to social services and they said that it was ok as the danger has been removed(me!).
Now she says I am simply not allowed to see them under any other circumstance and when they are older they can decide if they want to see me. I have never spoken to anyone or had any correspondence, I only have what she tells me.

I asked if I could see my daughter(11) unsupervised as there is no reason not to, she said no because she did not want my daughter to know where I lived as she may come around and see me. I questioned this, it did not seem like a fair reason and later on, she said she did not trust me. 

I can understand her hesitance. We have had dealings with social services before and it has been very hard for her.
2 years ago my youngest son told his teacher I had strangled him. It was not true but we had to go through a lot, I had to live in a hotel for a week, have a police interview and we were on the protection register. They dropped it at the first review and said they had no concerns. Finally, after this we started to get some help with him. He has not been diagnosed yet but so far we have been told he has signs of autism and ADHD. 

A few years before that my youngest(it's always him) fell out of bed and got a black eye from a toy box. A health worker just happened to visit the next day and called the police(she was new and did not follow protocol). 
I was working away at the time. They actually thought I had fled the country at one point... We had to have supervision for a bit then. It took years but she eventually got an apology from social services as they had handled the situation incorrectly. 

These experiences have been hard for her and I think she is terrified of social services. I think she is just protecting herself now, which I understand but I don't believe I should never be allowed to see my kids unsupervised again after one mistake. I know that what I did was horrific and I regret it every day but I believe everyone deserves a second chance and just want to do whats best for my kids. 

We actually split up 8 years ago and I used to have my daughter every weekend. When we were together I would often be alone with them, take them out etc. I am quite capable of looking after them.

Its been around 6 months now. I thought we could work things out together but its become clear that we cant. What do I do? She said she would be open to some mediation, is that something that could help?

I have no idea what to do? x
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#2
Straight to mediation Monday morning. if she refuses then c100 signed by mediator and off to court. in your statement you have already said social services have no concerns anyway. it may be supervised for a short period of time before unsupervised. it sounds like she is stalling you and making up stuff that isn't true.

Whatever has gone on in past is historic now and been dealt with. I would say its detrimental to the children however as its been 6 months now and contact should resumed as quick as possible. perfect timing to get the ball rolling as its summer holidays next weekend as well
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#3
(07-13-2018, 09:31 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: Straight to mediation Monday morning.  if she refuses then c100 signed by mediator and off to court. in your statement you have already said social services have no concerns anyway. it may be supervised for a short period of time before unsupervised. it sounds like she is stalling you and making up stuff that isn't true.

Whatever has gone on in past is historic now and been dealt with. I would say its detrimental to the children however as its been 6 months now and contact should resumed as quick as possible. perfect timing to get the ball rolling as its summer holidays next weekend as well

Thanks for your reply. This is all very new to me. How do I go about arranging mediation? Is this something I see a solicitor for?

Ok I did some googling. I think I have found some mediation organizations. I wish I had done this months ago.
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#4
No don't involve a solicitor. visit one explain situation give as much info on ex ..mobile number address so they can arrange mediation. if they refuse mediator signs a c100 for you and u apply to courts for access £215 . on here u can get help and advise. u can do most of it without solicitor
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#5
Don’t even bother inviting her to mediation. Just book a MIAM (google it) and attend and tell the mediator what has happened and you intend to begin proceedings immediately due to complete denial of contact with no scope for negotiation. They will sign the form stating you have attended and that mediation was not suitable, which it clearly isn’t.

Print off a C100, fill it in and take it with you to the MIAM and they will sign it there and then. Then you can begin proceedings at your local court soon after.
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#6
Quick update.
I tried mediation but they said they could not help us.
I filled the C100, 3 weeks later I found out they lost it, so I filled it again and today the documents and a court date came.
I went around to visit the kids today and my ex immediately said she was filling for divorce and citing unreasonable behaviour, looks like she also got the notice today.

1) Will a divorce with unreasonable behaviour hurt me getting access? Should I fight it?
2) If the court does grant me access, what would happen if she still refused to let me have them?

Thanks!
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#7
i would politely say to your ex let me see children agreed times and dates . its important children see their father. attend court and get a child arrangements order and in return u agree to unreasonable behaviour and give her the divorce she wants.

everyone happy and avoid loads of solicitor fees

if u go through family court and ex refusing access it will be supervised or could be no contact for a short while and you will be made to do courses for anger management or something similar before seeing children again. u did say your ex was open to mediation so definitely go down that route and u could off your own back offer to do a course when u talk to each other at meeting to reassure her
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#8
(09-28-2018, 10:11 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: i would politely say to your ex let me see children agreed times and dates . its important children see their father. attend court and get a child arrangements order and in return u agree to unreasonable behaviour and give her the divorce she wants.

everyone happy and avoid loads of solicitor fees

if u go through family court and ex refusing access it will be supervised or could be no contact for a short while and you will be made to do courses for anger management or something similar before seeing children again. u did say your ex was open to mediation so definitely go down that route and u could off your own back offer to do a course when u talk to each other at meeting to reassure her

Thanks.
The divorce is just a reaction to the C100, I think she thinks a divorce will remove my rights to the kids and make it harder. 
It's been supervised for 7 months now, by her. I did try for mediation, they did the initial interview with me and my ex and then said it would not be suitable, they gave no reasons why. 
I have a feeling this is going to drag on. Sad
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#9
try and do some courses before you attend court. mediation is not suitable as she has probably refused and stated loads of reasons to do with your children etc. dont entertain her divorce demands..focus on child arrangements first and you can use that as a bargaining tool perhaps. With you admitting what you done to your son its going to be a long road if ex dont play ball. u looking at supervised for a while, good thing is your children arent very young so it wont be long before they get say in wether they see you or not . if you arent seeing them at moment make sure u visit schools and ask how they getting on, attend parents meetings, get newsletter . all shows u are a loving father and totally child focused
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#10
Today I received a C1A regarding the first incident. She also claims I play violent video games in front of the children which is untrue.
The form says she is willing to have supervised access which I have already had for 7 months but not unsupervised.
Do I need to respond to this? Do I now stand any chance?

I also received a letter saying I would get a call from CAFCAS. Will, they just phone out of the blue or make an appointment with me?
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