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Parental responsibility
Hi all not really sure how to start this so to cut a long story short last year I won custody of my son in court for him to live with me from now on, his mum was investigated by social services who did a section 47 after I contacted them and lets say what happened with their section 47 wasn't nice at all and I wish I had found out earlier for my poor little boy so I could have gotten him away sooner!

anyway, he now lives with me and is doing really well in school and just with life in general, the court made an order that he talks once a week on the phone to her for as long as he wishes, and also he sees her with me having to be there also every 6 to 8 weeks due to a large distance having to be travelled. (I do all the travelling as his mum wont)
my son gets very upset at having to talk on the phone with his mum and when he knows we have to go down to see her he gets extremely anxious and is a very long and upsetting trip for him.

what I would like to know is, is there anything I can do about this as come this September he starts at senior school and this is having an effect on him we have also found out that his mum and all her family are causing as much trouble for each other as they can as they all blame everyone but themselves for what happened and are taking each other to court for any reason they can think of.
my son is very upset by all this and also upset that his mum wants to know which school he is going to as he doesn't want her to know anything he's doing.
I have spoken to his new school about this and they said if his mum still has PR then they have to send her a report or talk on the phone if she calls.
does anyone know how I find out if his mum still has PR? thanks for any help
I would of thought mum would have PR. It depends on age of your son what people can advise you on here, as it can make a difference
ok thanks he's 11
Your son would be able to say whether he wants any time with her - your court order would state if there was a removal of PR
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
thanks for the reply although my son (who was 10 at the time) was very clear and to the point with the Cafcass officer (who was very nice to deal with) that he didn't want to have anything to do with his mother he put in his report that my son should live with me as it was my sons wish and also because of what he went through.
but also said he felt my son should try to talk to his mum and see her when convenient to both parties.
my son hasn't changed his stance if anything he is more upset as he now has to talk and see her as its in the court order
If that's how it's stated in your court order then follow it to the letter - it's the right of your son not the right of the parent to have the relationship
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
yes we follow it exactly as stated in the court order as much as it upsets my son which is a shame for him and I find it very hard to see him getting so wound up by it all, is there anything I can do as he doesn't want anything to do with her and any mention of talking or seeing her is enough to start him off and I feel like my hands are tied
Does it say he HAS to meet her?
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
yes talk on phone once a week and see her with me present every 6 to 8 weeks.

its a very long drive I mean hours and when he meets her which is in a public place as he wont go anywhere near her house anymore he will sit there and virtually ignore her as he knows he doesn't have to be scared of her anymore, I try to make the best of it for him but its a very dire situation as most of that is spent with his mum complaining, he doesn't get any enjoyment at all from it just anxiety and grief

same on the phone every week he just sits there and wont talk its basically a silent conversation as his mum has no idea what to say to him
I am afraid you will just have to carry on for now every 6/8 weeks. But the older he becomes the more what he says himself will be taken into consideration. At moment you need to encourage contact best you can and let him make his own mind up. As for phone call it is down to your son how long he speaks to his mum for, if he finds it that distressing he can end call early etc. All you can do is just encourage best you can until that day hes old enough to decide exactly what he wants If that makes sense

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