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Ex scheduling events on my time instead of hers
#1
I can’t be too specific but needing further advice (solicitor out of office).

My ex is deliberately scheduling certain events for child on my time with out discussion and making it almost every weekend I have child. They aren’t birthday parties or stuff to do with friends. They are sort of like optional sporting competitions that happen every weekend and summer holiday weekdays and instead of scheduling them on her days (she doesn’t work and access days at weekend alternate) she is scheduling them on mine saying I need to take child and she will be present at them too or she will cut my time short. Please note - child does not need to attend many of these and the competitions are accessible, local and very frequent. I don’t mind the occasional event but she has clearly deliberately done this to annoy me and it is questionable why she isn’t scheduling any on her time when she has child all week.

Sorry I can’t be more specific but can be specific in private message.
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#2
Sounds like the standard tactics of an ex who wants to make it clear to you that she’s the one in control still!

What can you do? If you already have a Child Arrangements Order, then write to her and make it clear that the decisions on what happens with your child on the time reserved for them and you is your decision and yours alone, and that she is not to schedule anything then without seeking your agreement first.

If (and as it sounds like) you don’t have a Child Arrangements Order, then write to her anyway and explain politely that the time you have your child is when the two of you are supposed to bond and develop a father-child relationship, and you wish to make the decisions on what is best for those occasions, and not have any arrangements made for you. If she ignores this or refuses to accept it, then applying to the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order, which will specify the times you have with your child, will have to be the next step.
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#3
Good advice above. Sounds to me like an ex who is trying to prevent contact. If you don't have an order, I would go for a MIAM asap and then invite her to mediation to discuss the matter and draw up an agreement that she will seek your agreement first before arranging these things or be flexible about alternate times with you. If she doesn't go then you'd be free to apply for a defined Child Arrangements order (and the defined bit is important) and then she would be in breach if she did things on your time. Yes children have lots of activities but she is not the only parent.
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#4
Only thing you can do is politely tell ex she should inform you of any parties, activities or events your child has been invited to in your time. You will respect her wishes and take into consideration what she is asking and circumstances , however the final decision is made by yourself wether your child attends or not.

example sunday party 2-4pm .. you would probably allow this
knitting club at a local community hall 12-3 .... would be refused as ex taking libertys possibly in your opinion

As soon as you lay the law down politely and they know they cant plan things without your permission or consulting you they tend to stop doing it
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#5
(07-20-2018, 03:45 PM)Marky207 Wrote: I can’t be too specific but needing further advice (solicitor out of office).

My ex is deliberately scheduling certain events for child on my time with out discussion and making it almost every weekend I have child. They aren’t birthday parties or stuff to do with friends. They are sort of like optional sporting competitions that happen every weekend and summer holiday weekdays and instead of scheduling them on her days (she doesn’t work and access days at weekend alternate) she is scheduling them on mine saying I need to take child and she will be present at them too or she will cut my time short. Please note - child does not need to attend many of these and the competitions are accessible, local and very frequent. I don’t mind the occasional event but she has clearly deliberately done this to annoy me and it is questionable why she isn’t scheduling any on her time when she has child all week.

Sorry I can’t be more specific but can be specific in private message.

It will come down to how your arrangements are in place.

If its in time a Child Arrangements Order exists for, its you decision on what happens. Either she accepts that, or a Court would require her to make up the lost time, on the weekend what is your yours.

If she refuses contact if your not going to the event, file a C79 at Court, to enforce the Order.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#6
Thank you everyone - been through mediation and it failed. Been waiting a long while for her solicitor to reply to my solicitor’s letter and just want it to go to court already. Cannot communicate with the ex, there is always something she wants to control as you can tell through my previous posts. She hasn’t specified the actual dates of the events she has planned for MY time just that “child has a lot of competitions in your time for quite a while so time will need to get cut short for a good while” etc. Hoping my solicitor just moves already and files for a court order.
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#7
My ex used this tactic. Magistrates weren't impressed.
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#8
magistrates will not put up with ex partners planning stuff during your time. Just like you don't plan things during her time. If it something important or a party here and there by all means they expect you to cut each other slack from time to time
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#9
How old is the child?  As that could have a big impact on the court process.
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#10
(07-23-2018, 07:50 PM)Marky207 Wrote: Thank you everyone - been through mediation and it failed. Been waiting a long while for her solicitor to reply to my solicitor’s letter and just want it to go to court already. Cannot communicate with the ex, there is always something she wants to control as you can tell through my previous posts. She hasn’t specified the actual dates of the events she has planned for MY time just that “child has a lot of competitions in your time for quite a while so time will need to get cut short for a good while” etc. Hoping my solicitor just moves already and files for a court order.

My suggestion is to do forward planning yourself, for example reserving rooms at hotels where you can cancel  up to lunchtime.
Then when she said hes got an event, tell her you already have plans, and that as its in the time the court put him in your care, its your decision.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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