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seperated from birth
#1
hello
I could really do with some advice.

I'm going to become a seperated dad in my mid 20's when my baby mother gives birth. I still live at parents home and have minimum savings. I already understand legally what's required of me. I could really do with some advice from guys that have been in a similar situation. Could you please answer the following questions

1) Do most women try to suck us dry for child support money?
2) am I always going to be at the mercy of the mother?
3) Will my child even care for me?
4) Are young women still interested in young men with kids already?
5) how do I come to terms with paying 15% of my net salary when I need every penny.
6) I planned on moving away before I found out about the pregnancy. would it be wrong of me to carry on with my plans leaving my child behind. we all only have one life to live at the end of the day. if my kid is good financially. shouldn't that be good enough?
7) I still have the option of being with the mother. Am i suppose to be selfless and just think what's in the best interest of the child. I dont love the mother. but I guess I could put up with her for 18 years and have a vasectomy.

I have a mate that had to fight to see his kid. 2 years later and £41k in debt he managed to get minimum contact. Now the kid is seven, he doesn't even call him dad. I dont want to be in that situation.

any advice on anything I may have missed to asked would also be appreciative.
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#2
1) Yes, but pay no more than you have to via the CMS or via a Family Arrangement (which is cheaper)
2) Yes, sorry but they appear to hold all the cards in the family courts, just try and keep child focussed and centric, keep pictures and diary entries of each and everytime you have your kid
3) God yes - your the kids dad, it will care for you - stop with that
4) Erm yes ..... very much so they see it as a stability thing - if your able to care for a kid, your able to care for them
5) I see it as doing my child correct, I pay way more than 15% but dont pay more than you have to
6) This is your choice - nobody else can make that decision for you - but what happens when your kid wants to see you?  Most guys on this forum would jump at the chance to spend time with their kids, and would move mountains to do so.
7) Dont stay out of a sense of duty, stay out of a sense of love

Smile
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
Hi invisibleintellectual,

thank you for the response.

I'm going to sign up to cms as soon as the baby is born. what can I expect when it comes to visitation? i would rather get a court order from the get go to avoid disappointment and game playing in the future.

I'm not going to lie, I have 0 interest in being a dad right now but I'm going to try my best
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#4
If I was you I would try a "Family Arrangement" first - its cheaper and you wont have to pay anything to the CMS - its how I (and I assume, a lot of guys on here) do it - it saves me giving the Govt any more cash and I know that the mother isnt going to have anything taken off her for their "Collection Fees" - Just keep a record of how much your paying and when - mine goes out my bank monthly with the "CHILD MAINTENANCE" as the reference so I know where and what it is - should I ever be asked I can go back nearly 4 years and show this.

As its a baby you wont get overnight/weekends at the start - not until 2 years old - the Govt prefer mothers to breastfeed, you will likely (legally via a Court Order) get a couple of hours a week - when the child reaches 2 then you can apply for weekends and overnights, but thats entirely at your discretion. It is all based around your availability.

I get that you have 0 interest in being a dad - I didnt either ..... in fact it scared me shitless .... but it was one of the best things to happen in my life and I wouldnt change it for the world now.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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