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Clueless what to do
#1
Quick summary....

Partner of 15 years, 4 kids with her from 13 downwards, leaves a note on the breakfast table at 9am 2 weeks ago saying she had gone to the doctor to sort her head out and would see us all later Never came home. At 5 pm social worker is knocking on the door saying she has said to the doctor my kids are scared of me, utter rubbish. She questions all of them with me out the room and then says she is happy they are safe with me.

Next day, still heard nothing from partner. Kids are devastated she has not been in touch. Do there tea for them, sat at the dining table, knock on the door. Police ask my name, tell me i am under arrest for assault.  I am gobsmacked. Ask about who is looking after the kids and told partner is around the corner with family members. As i go they go in.

Police question me at 9.39 that night and was told the following... In January or February this year i gave me partner a bloody nose as i was trying to get the house phone from her. I said a load of rubbish and why so vague with the times, surely if i had hit her she would have remembered? The other thing the house phone has been disconnected for over a year so why would that have been a issue? A load more stupid questions about me being controlling, like Stopping my 13 year old daughter continuing with 4 months worth of antibiotics and saying it was not good enough, just because she had acne.

After the interview, 10.00pm, he was going to let me go as long as i stayed away from partner. just waiting to go and then put back in cells. was not released until the following lunchtime. In the night around midnight, cell door was opened and i was charged with cohesive and controlling behaviour. More rubbish. Have not been questioned about the charge to this date?

Bail conditions now are, can not go on my street or next one, can not contact her or the kids directly or indirectly for a month. I am gutted beyond words and have felt suicidal all last week because of all this and now being sorted out by our local crisis team.

She not let my son from a previous relationship, see his brothers and sisters or even tell me how they are. The last vision i have them is me being arrested and them all crying and screaming.

So 2 weeks on can not see the kids, heard nothing from her and totally devastated. Can not sleep or eat, i have lost over a stone in weight and feel alone. Got no mates, no family so for support so feel isolated.

What can i do, why is she stopping my eldest son from seeing his brothers and sisters. why have i no support. I contacted the social services on the Monday i was released and was told they are not involved now, she has been allocated a support worker.

Her mum who she has not seen for 15 years, she was sexually abused at 3, went to court and everything so i know it was true, has suddenly appeared on the scene. She was one of the family members who walked in my home when i was arrested. 

All i can say is ive been stitched up good and proper. There's loads more background issues that maybe make things clearer but mainly, she has wanted to move nearer her sisters in a rough area, junkies and drunks and i said no as we are in a very decent town with good schooling etc.. I thinks this is all over that. Our Housing association not talk to me, we have joint tenancy, and she has got the local housing officer fired from his job for talking to me. What a mess!

Got a solicitor midweek but he is only interested in going to the bail hearing in a few weeks time.

Any help or support would be great guys please.
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#2
(08-07-2018, 04:42 PM)RickyM Wrote: Quick summary....

Partner of 15 years, 4 kids with her from 13 downwards, leaves a note on the breakfast table at 9am 2 weeks ago saying she had gone to the doctor to sort her head out and would see us all later Never came home. At 5 pm social worker is knocking on the door saying she has said to the doctor my kids are scared of me, utter rubbish. She questions all of them with me out the room and then says she is happy they are safe with me.

Next day, still heard nothing from partner. Kids are devastated she has not been in touch. Do there tea for them, sat at the dining table, knock on the door. Police ask my name, tell me i am under arrest for assault.  I am gobsmacked. Ask about who is looking after the kids and told partner is around the corner with family members. As i go they go in.

Police question me at 9.39 that night and was told the following... In January or February this year i gave me partner a bloody nose as i was trying to get the house phone from her. I said a load of rubbish and why so vague with the times, surely if i had hit her she would have remembered? The other thing the house phone has been disconnected for over a year so why would that have been a issue? A load more stupid questions about me being controlling, like Stopping my 13 year old daughter continuing with 4 months worth of antibiotics and saying it was not good enough, just because she had acne.

After the interview, 10.00pm, he was going to let me go as long as i stayed away from partner. just waiting to go and then put back in cells. was not released until the following lunchtime. In the night around midnight, cell door was opened and i was charged with cohesive and controlling behaviour. More rubbish. Have not been questioned about the charge to this date?

Bail conditions now are, can not go on my street or next one, can not contact her or the kids directly or indirectly for a month. I am gutted beyond words and have felt suicidal all last week because of all this and now being sorted out by our local crisis team.

She not let my son from a previous relationship, see his brothers and sisters or even tell me how they are. The last vision i have them is me being arrested and them all crying and screaming.

So 2 weeks on can not see the kids, heard nothing from her and totally devastated. Can not sleep or eat, i have lost over a stone in weight and feel alone. Got no mates, no family so for support so feel isolated.

What can i do, why is she stopping my eldest son from seeing his brothers and sisters. why have i no support. I contacted the social services on the Monday i was released and was told they are not involved now, she has been allocated a support worker.

Her mum who she has not seen for 15 years, she was sexually abused at 3, went to court and everything so i know it was true, has suddenly appeared on the scene. She was one of the family members who walked in my home when i was arrested. 

All i can say is ive been stitched up good and proper. There's loads more background issues that maybe make things clearer but mainly, she has wanted to move nearer her sisters in a rough area, junkies and drunks and i said no as we are in a very decent town with good schooling etc.. I thinks this is all over that. Our Housing association not talk to me, we have joint tenancy, and she has got the local housing officer fired from his job for talking to me. What a mess!

Got a solicitor midweek but he is only interested in going to the bail hearing in a few weeks time.

Any help or support would be great guys please.

Hi.

Had something like this happen to me.  It seems in todays society this is a common tactic from women when they want a divorce. They can say last week he hit me and guess what the clueless police come round and arrest you and then they have this new micky mouse law controlling and coercive crap.  Unfortunently the system is so bias in the womens favor it is a joke.  You only have to look on this forum to see how many men have been accused of the same crap , funny that . I was with my ex for 29 years but it was only when she wanted a divorce that she decided to say I was controlling ??? Her tatic has worked I am afraid of getting you out of house and not being able to get back in.
You  will probably get a NFA ( no further action )at bail but be given a stupid Pin Notice. Google it and if you are ,refuse to sign it. They can still issue it though but they try to trick you into signing it.

I went through this twice and on the second time actually went to court and had a trial and was found not guilty on all charges. cost me about 3000 pounds to defend that. Her costs zero.


Do not talk to her or contact her and any communication from her record it or keep the communication and get a good solicitor.
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#3
this is shocking and harrowing, I really feel for you.

Hopefully the solicitor can help shed some further light on whats happening.

Was you interviewed 2nd time?
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#4
Thanks Steph and Tom for your replies.

Yes i feel totally stitched up, have no where to turn and nobody wants to listen to me or what i have to say.

I have got another solicitor now as the other one was only interested in meeting e at the bail hearing on the 25th. 

I still have not been questioned about the coercive charges.

My new solicitor has written to get the bail restrictions on the kids removed, she said don't get my hopes up.

Yesterday, i had just finished my bike ride, been doing 20 miles a day to get rid of the anger i feel inside, and in the town we live, who was across the road, at the crossing, was my ex and the 4 kids. They shouted daddy and crossed the road, with her to me. I asked if i could have a cuddle and she said we can't talk to you, i asked why she was doing this, ripping us apart and the same reply. I managed to get a cuddle of my eldest, 13 ad my little boy but the other 2 were very offish. This all happened in a space of 2 mins as there bus came and got on that. I can't believe how cold she had become, not even giving me eye contact and repeating those words all the time. All i know now is she is being controlled now for sure.

The other thing she is making out to the police she is so frightened of me, why did she walk across the road towards me, you would have thought she would have walked away her side, non of it makes sense?

So because i have seen my kids, gave them hugs i have broken my bail conditions, although it is now nearly 24 hours and i have heard nothing but still waiting for a knock on the door. When i saw them yesterday i was heartbroken, my first instinct was to hug them and to want to see them. I am totally devastated again.

Thanks again guys for your support.
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#5
Update to me seeing the kids the other day....

Had a email, last night, from one of the officers dealing with things, basically, giving me a warning, about harassing her and the kids??
Replied back saying, what a joke. She came over to my side of the road and the kids wanted cuddles and love. In what way is this harassment? Anyway he has not replied yet.

Also mentioned she is often seen walking the street in our local town at night, so this is doing nothing to back up her pathetic story of being scared of me.

I am not happy with a lot of things. One being my eldest son, from a previous relationship, can not see his little brothers and sisters. She is ignoring all his requests, by text, and he is gutted. What can be done about this?
Thanks.
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#6
(08-10-2018, 01:38 PM)RickyM Wrote: Update to me seeing the kids the other day....

Had a email, last night, from one of the officers dealing with things, basically, giving me a warning, about harassing her and the kids??
Replied back saying, what a joke. She came over to my side of the road and the kids wanted cuddles and love. In what way is this harassment? Anyway he has not replied yet.

Also mentioned she is often seen walking the street in our local town at night, so this is doing nothing to back up her pathetic story of being scared of me.

I am not happy with a lot of things. One being my eldest son, from a previous relationship, can not see his little brothers and sisters. She is ignoring all his requests, by text, and he is gutted. What can be done about this?
Thanks.

As soon as i read your previous message, i had a horrible feeling this may of been the follow up.

Feel for you fella i really do.  

which part of the UK you from?
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#7
(08-10-2018, 02:20 PM)Tom_W88Thanks. Wrote: [As soon as i read your previous message, i had a horrible feeling this may of been the follow up.

Feel for you fella i really do.  

which part of the UK you from?]

Hi Tom,

Yes mate, how can a devoted dad ignore his kids wanting cuddles and a love? They are being used by the mum to get at me and she knows it.

I am in Nottinghamshire.

Cheers.
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#8
(08-10-2018, 02:54 PM)RickyM Wrote:
(08-10-2018, 02:20 PM)Tom_W88Thanks. Wrote: [As soon as i read your previous message, i had a horrible feeling this may of been the follow up.

Feel for you fella i really do.  

which part of the UK you from?]

Hi Tom,

Yes mate, how can a devoted dad ignore his kids wanting cuddles and a love? They are being used by the mum to get at me and she knows it.

I am in Nottinghamshire.

Cheers.

Exactly mate, its disgusting.  Just don't do anything silly.  I know its hard (especially when I am typing this)

Hopefully theres a few on her local to you who could perhaps pre-occupy you?
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#9
(08-10-2018, 04:42 PM)Tom_W88Cheers. Wrote: Exactly mate, its disgusting.  Just don't do anything silly.  I know its hard (especially when I am typing this)

Hopefully theres a few on her local to you who could perhaps pre-occupy you?

Hi Tom,

Well i never thought ever she would stoop this low. Her attitude the other day, repeating, "we can't talk to you" did my head in, even my eldest daughter said it once, although she was dying to talk to me.. All it shows now she is being controlled, by the police!

Sorry didn't get the last part of your reply.

Cheers for the support it means a lot mate.
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#10
I can assure you the only person that has a problem with you is your ex partner. they will lie and make up excuses and blame everyone else.
Lots of people on here have been through the same.

She is getting bad advice off her friends and family and other organisations. google domestic violence and everything on there is what you will be accused off wether you done it or not. Only way to combat this is always think the worst. I wouldnt email/ring /text or even speak to your ex and if you speak to your children ideally you want them approaching you is to be completely child focused and dont even look at your ex or speak to her. If you havent already u need to go to court as soon as possible and get contact sorted.

She only cant talk to you as shes told loads of people lies and by ignoring u she hopes u slip up and get arrested. u can arrested for sending an innocent text or if u ring a few times. Another way of avoiding lies is if u dont see her at all, ie u could knock on door and say " could i see children please at 10 am in morning. she could say no and be abusive. u walk away calmly but little do u know shes ringing police with some horror story saying u was intimidiating threatening shes scared etc etc. if your children say anything mean remember its their mum thats responsible for running u down in front of them and not childrens fault
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