Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
PLEASE HELP
#1
Hi 

Im in a very dark place at the moment mentally and am hoping to find some help or advice here. Me and my wife of 11yrs recently separated and agreed to divorce after many years of problems. We have 3 children together 9yr old, 5yr old and 1yr old and also my wife has a child from a previous relationship which I have helped to raise since he was 6 months old who I class as my own child.
A week after the separation my wife began to message me everyday begging for us to get back together telling me she couldn’t live without me and she could never be with anyone else because she will never stop loving me etc. I stood strong and repeatedly refused to get back together as at the time I felt enough was enough and she would never change the way she has been for many years. I did not totally dismiss her I just was hoping she would prove how much I ment to her and show me she could change in the hopes we would after plenty of work by both of us rekindle our marriage/relationship.
I began to agree to small things like meeting up for a few hours at the park with the kids etc but then one day which was around 4 weeks of us being separated things totally changed! She stopped contacting me went very cold towards me etc.
I found out this weekend she has started seeing someone else and im totally shocked and devastated to say the least. This guy is also going through a divorce and has 2 children who live with him as his wife left him with the kids. It turns out he is the father of my step sons best friend.
I am so depressed and upset 24/7 all I can think about is my wife and this guy together and its tearing me apart. Not only are they seeing each other they are spending time together with my children! Its been barely 1 month since we decided to separate which is very difficult for my children and she is already bringing a new man into there lives.
I honestly feel on the edge of suicide if it wasn’t for my children I don’t think I would still be here. I have lost everything my house, my job, my children and the love of my life and im also about to go bankrupt! I just don’t know what to do and every day gets worst
Reply
#2
Hey man. I’m not going to give you some platitudes to make you fell better.

Instead I’m going to tell you that 18 months ago I genuinely felt like killing myself. Made plans, stepped in front of a tram once. Spent many hours on the phone to the Samaritans (ring them. Any time. It helped hugely). My wife of ten years left me for a friend. Chucked me out of the home my mother was born in.

Over the last 18 months I’ve rebuilt my life. I see the kids 5/14 days. I have my house back. Right now I’m sat in my front room. On my chair. With a fine beer. The kids are upstairs asleep and happy. My music is playing on the stereo.

It will be ok. I promise you.

There are so many heart wrenching stories here. So many caring loving fathers ripped from their families.

You will survive. You will come out stronger. It’s a terrible, dark place you’re in right now but I swear to any gods listening, you will get through this.

Hugs from a total stranger. A father. Someone who lost everything he had.

This too shall pass.
Reply
#3
Jeez no woman is worth the ending of ones life dude, yes the situation is a shitter but trust me and a bunch of others on here that have and are still going through all the dark and dismal periods of seperation/divorce time is a healer bud, you HAVE to be there for your kids... stay strong and focus on them, when shitty thought pounce upon you go for a run or a cycle if you have one .. get a punchbag anything to release built up tension/aggression... things happen for a reason bud 6,12,18 months away you'll look back on this episode of your life and say fuck i dealt with that and lifes fuckin AWESOME right now ..stay with it chief you know you can...  Heart Heart
Reply
#4
It's been 3 years since my ex wife left me as she was having an affair with my so called mate. It wasn't easy to deal with initially but i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

As a look back now it absolutely was a blessing and arguably the best thing that happened. Enjoy being free, being single for now and do the things you couldn't always do. There are plenty more women out there and very soon your eyes will be opened and you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Can't stress enough, get a hobby, get something to relieve the stress and anger. Nothing more satisfying that using the anger to fuel a run or bag session. Become a better version of yourself and take great pleasure in showing the world and your ex wife what she is missing and how you are enjoying yourself and eventually moving on with another woman.

You will bounce back from this guaranteed. It is only a woman, there a millions more out there if you just open up to it. Enjoy the dating world, it is very different form 10 years ago and very much in the new age with all the dating apps like tinder etc
Reply
#5
Ive been exactly there buddy, its like watching a car crash, you cant look away. No matter how much it hurts you want to know what theyre doing together.

If I can say anything that will help it might be this, dont worry about them, if she has jumped into a relationship so damn quick after separation its doomed to fail. And by then you'll have a decent job, a gym body, your kids's love and a few dating apps. Until then keep yourself busy and manage the pain the best you can.
Reply
#6
4 days after my partner started trying to split up with me, I thought I'd step in front of a train.  I was so numb that I couldn't feel love for my kids, couldn't imagine life without my best friend, didn't know what'd happen to my house (the only asset I own - my relationship made me poor!) my kids, my job.  So many things. I felt I had no future.  But I phoned a local counsellor and she saw me that day, thank God.  Get help.  Talk to Samaritans or a counsellor.  Talk to your friends.  Talking isn't for everyone, but it's a healthy way to get through a crisis for most.

I'm 11 weeks into my split and I found out my partner was sleeping with another man just 4 weeks ago. She'd lied to me over and over, and to the kids, even swearing on their lives.  I thought I knew this woman intimately and it was all destroyed in an instant.  I can safely say it was the worst moment of my life when I found out.  I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with that feeling.

NONETHELESS ... I have already experienced amazing moments, euphoria, amazing new friendships, a deeper love for my kids, a vastly better social life... and plenty of hope.  My friends - and there are many, I now realise - have scooped me up and supported me brilliantly.  I've been humbled.  

My situation is a long way from resolution and it has been a rocky road so far, but I promise you it will get better.  Everybody you talk to will tell you this.  And you're not the first or last person to go through this horrible experience. It happens day in, day out.  You are not alone. I've been on this forum for less than 48 hours and it has already been a great help.  I'll be sticking around.
Reply
#7
(08-14-2018, 04:19 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: 4 days after my partner started trying to split up with me, I thought I'd step in front of a train.  I was so numb that I couldn't feel love for my kids, couldn't imagine life without my best friend, didn't know what'd happen to my house (the only asset I own - my relationship made me poor!) my kids, my job.  So many things. I felt I had no future.  But I phoned a local counsellor and she saw me that day, thank God.  Get help.  Talk to Samaritans or a counsellor.  Talk to your friends.  Talking isn't for everyone, but it's a healthy way to get through a crisis for most.

I'm 11 weeks into my split and I found out my partner was sleeping with another man just 4 weeks ago. She'd lied to me over and over, and to the kids, even swearing on their lives.  I thought I knew this woman intimately and it was all destroyed in an instant.  I can safely say it was the worst moment of my life when I found out.  I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with that feeling.

NONETHELESS ... I have already experienced amazing moments, euphoria, amazing new friendships, a deeper love for my kids, a vastly better social life... and plenty of hope.  My friends - and there are many, I now realise - have scooped me up and supported me brilliantly.  I've been humbled.  

My situation is a long way from resolution and it has been a rocky road so far, but I promise you it will get better.  Everybody you talk to will tell you this.  And you're not the first or last person to go through this horrible experience. It happens day in, day out.  You are not alone. I've been on this forum for less than 48 hours and it has already been a great help.  I'll be sticking around.

Inspiring words! I totally agree. I felt very similar on 'day one'. I even experienced what I thought might be a heart attack and took myself to A&E. Turned out to be a massive panic attack, I have never been an anxious or nervous person. I began counselling early in my 'process' and it helped enormously. And the generosity of my friends has humbled me beyond words, their collective support and benevolence restored my faith in humanity, and gave me the strength to fight and battle my corner.
Good luck to you sir... yes, it will get better and you will be instrumental in making it happen.

For me, my first trips to counselling took me through a part of the city I had never seen. It looked great, I liked it.
At weekends I would take a bus and get off to have a look around and get a feel for this 'new' place.
I bought a house here and I'm now setting up my new home in this area... all because I went to counselling.
Reply
#8
I’ve been to councilling and highly recommend it to anyone who can make it
Reply
#9
I'm sorry to hear what's going on in your life right now....it sucks. ..big time. But get that S word out of your head...look at all these replys you have from your post....you are not alone and the advice from these guys will get you through this...get yourself some help financially...mentally and legally...
Reply
#10
(08-16-2018, 08:24 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: I’ve been to councilling and highly recommend it to anyone who can make it

I used a counsellor after a break up about 15 years ago. She wasn't very good but it was good to blurt it all out to somebody.

As I said in my post above, I went to a counsellor after 4 days in my current break up and she was brilliant.  She saw me as often as I wanted and responded to desperate emails as soon as she could.  In the first few weeks I used to cling on to the time and date of the next meeting with her.  Now I see her once a week and it's far more relaxed than back then, when I used to just cry for the first ten minutes, I kid you not.  I imagine I'll keep seeing her for months.  She's given me the strength I didn't think I'd find and helped me to see things (including my ex) for what they are.


I was lucky in so far as I found an excellent counsellor at the first attempt.  I'd almost insist that someone in my position sees a counsellor, but make sure they're right.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)