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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
In my opinion... let it happen and don't let it get to you. Like you say, don't turn her into an enemy, especially over something like this.
(10-26-2018, 08:47 AM)MrM Wrote: In my opinion... let it happen and don't let it get to you.  Like you say, don't turn her into an enemy, especially over something like this.

Thank you.  I know some advocate taking a hard line on this, but I set out my stall by asking her to respect my space by at least letting me know if she needed to go to the house but I said it wasn't that she wasn't welcome.  I don't suppose she's taking the piss and nobody can then say that I haven't helped her in the transition into her new life.  It's just going to look petty otherwise.
half of me agrees with MrM....but the other half of me thinks you should stick to your guns - you made it quite clear how you feel about her just dipping back into the house whenever she feels like it...

what i will say is, in the big scheme of things the clean floor shouldn't really be something to factor in to this.....and neither should her struggling without a tumble drier.......tell her to take her wet clothes to Luigi to dry....
Honestly, I don't see the point in taking a hard line... pick your battles; this definitely isn't one. You're BOTH doing the right thing... you're respecting each others' space AND needs... Don't get that lost in amongst the anger / resentment etc of everything else that's happening. Anger passes, resentment passes but a strong, respectful relationship with your ex is something that'll ALWAYS be needed, for your kids and yours (and your ex's) mental health going forwards. It's tough Brother, but you're doing the right thing and you're on the right path.
LB, MrM, I agree with both of you. I do need to be careful that it does't become a thing. She can't take the piss... and she hasn't tbf.  It's half term and it's raining.  And if she doesn't dry the stuff she needs she can't work.

You're right - the clean floor is meaningless and I need to get over myself.

I'm in a difficult place mentally at the moment. For some reason everything she's done is now weighing heavily on my mind and I have a lot of anger to deal with. I'm not in the mood for building some sort of relationship with. She's done nothing to earn my forgiveness so forgiveness will have to be one-sided and is a long way off.  But I know we need to get on.  I guess I'm accepting that but trying to keep my distance as much as possible right now. I have the ikids this weekend which I'm really excited about.
yeh go with MrM.....its better for the kids and thats what matters....
You don't need to build a relationship... don't put that pressure on you... if you're angry, that's OK... we've all been there / are currently there... the challenge is to try and put that anger to one side (incredibly hard I know!) and to do your best to only be respectful with your ex at the moment... there's nothing more you need to offer right now.

From the tone of your message it's clear that that's how your head is already thinking... stick with it and the fog does slowly clear.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest having a read of a book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k! It has DEFINITELY helped me and instilled in me a new line of thinking, one of which is giving myself a daily "F**k Quota!" I allow myself three things to truly give a f**k about each day... anything else, I don't bother with.
That's been recommended to me by a woman I was dating. I'm going to order it today.
Good man... spot of weekend reading!
I bought it a few weeks about halfway through and found it pretty good....

kind of stopped for some reason though....I think i'll go back to it this evening after work...

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