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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
Mr M - hence the reason for this thread, its been speculated elsewhere that some women like to have a back up plan. I think that them dropping into our lives, making that line between things we do for children and them, blurry, is part of that.... I've had my ex in the last month asking me to help move furniture and to sell her car for her.... I actually did help her move some furniture but had to draw the line at the car, in reality I shouldn't have done even that.....
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Mr Ex has just declared she is considering moving to the town I live in!!

On the one hand I told her - if you do that 50/50 access, on the other do I really want her and him invading my private space?
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Mine still walks into my house. Think yourself lucky!
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So - how are we all doing on the theory and practice of total separation?

My ex just had a baby - hilariously with the flatmate of the guy she left me for, so I have failed in a lot of ways to keep her out of my life - but our shared kids are so very pleased I have had to accept it all and smile.
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Its what i'm aiming for....

just need to get my name off the mortgage so I can start again....

if anyone has any advice on how to force the sale of a house please share....

i was going down the order for sale route but not looking so likely now...
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(10-30-2018, 12:11 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Mine still walks into my house.  Think yourself lucky!

WTF! 

Why are you letting her do this?
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(11-20-2018, 12:31 PM)Living Bate Wrote: if anyone has any advice on how to force the sale of a house please share....

i was going down the order for sale route but not looking so likely now...

As far as I'm aware, if a joint tenant on the deeds refuses to sell, an order of sale via the courts is the only way.
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(11-20-2018, 12:31 PM)Living Bate Wrote: Its what i'm aiming for....

just need to get my name off the mortgage so I can start again....

if anyone has any advice on how to force the sale of a house please share....

i was going down the order for sale route but not looking so likely now...

This is me right now. My STBX wants to keep the house until the kids are out of education and wants me to move out.
All my money is tied up in our jointly owned (recently extended and fully finished) home however.

She's now threating me with reporting me for DV (which is utter bollocks and she has no evidence).

She said yesterday - that having me at home is bad for the children and that I should go. I literally don't have anywhere to go!

I would just like to sell the house, pay off our joint debts and split the proceeds (70-30 to her or something).

She is however, adamant that she just wants to stay in the house and so her life remained completely unchanged.
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(11-20-2018, 01:02 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote:
(10-30-2018, 12:11 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Mine still walks into my house.  Think yourself lucky!

WTF! 

Why are you letting her do this?

Circumstances.  

The house is jointly owned - I bought it, paid for it, paid for every improvement we made and paid every mortgage payment - but still legally jointly owned. Don't ask!  You can't escape a joint tenancy on the deeds.  So for a start, I doubt I would've got her out of the house if I hadn't seemed easy-going about it when she started looking for somewhere to live.

Then there's the fact that her flat is a drive away, whereas the house is 5 mins walk from the school.  So on the evenings that I have the kids, she brings them to mine after school for a couple of hours, then I take over.  Yes - I could insist she takes them to hers, but mine is clearly more convenient.  Her place is small as well.

Then there's the dog.  She comes to see him and walk him, especially when I can't.  The kids want to see him sometimes too.  I know this one sounds daft, but the kids have been through a lot already.  And if I forced her to get rid of the dog, I can imagine the bitterness.  This problem needs fixing, and it will get sorted in time.  I'll put her under pressure to get a bigger place and take the dog herself.

The thing here is that it's early days.   It's 8 weeks since she left.  Yesterday morning she had to pick up a jumper for one of the girls. I hate it, but I can't be a dick about it.   At the moment at least, she has more time to spend with the kids and does the after-school care.  There's a good argument for her staying in the house instead of me and I don't want to invite that argument.  Legal action would be a financial disaster for me.  I need to keep calm and take it easy to give her time to stand on her own two feet.  Does that make sense?  What would you do (genuinely interested in opinions here)?  Yes, she was a shit to me. She broke us up without giving me any chance to reconcile or make things better. She had virtually nothing to throw at me in terms of my own behaviour. It was all about her wanting to be free like a teenager again.  She started sleeping around.  She refused help or counselling.  But the legal system won't care about blame.  They only care about the kids and I can't make life hard for the kids if I want to keep the house.
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(11-20-2018, 01:47 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 01:02 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote:
(10-30-2018, 12:11 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Mine still walks into my house.  Think yourself lucky!

WTF! 

Why are you letting her do this?

Circumstances.  

The house is jointly owned - I bought it, paid for it, paid for every improvement we made and paid every mortgage payment - but still legally jointly owned. Don't ask!  You can't escape a joint tenancy on the deeds.  So for a start, I doubt I would've got her out of the house if I hadn't seemed easy-going about it when she started looking for somewhere to live.

Then there's the fact that her flat is a drive away, whereas the house is 5 mins walk from the school.  So on the evenings that I have the kids, she brings them to mine after school for a couple of hours, then I take over.  Yes - I could insist she takes them to hers, but mine is clearly more convenient.  Her place is small as well.

Then there's the dog.  She comes to see him and walk him, especially when I can't.  The kids want to see him sometimes too.  I know this one sounds daft, but the kids have been through a lot already.  And if I forced her to get rid of the dog, I can imagine the bitterness.  This problem needs fixing, and it will get sorted in time.  I'll put her under pressure to get a bigger place and take the dog herself.

The thing here is that it's early days.   It's 8 weeks since she left.  Yesterday morning she had to pick up a jumper for one of the girls. I hate it, but I can't be a dick about it.   At the moment at least, she has more time to spend with the kids and does the after-school care.  There's a good argument for her staying in the house instead of me and I don't want to invite that argument.  Legal action would be a financial disaster for me.  I need to keep calm and take it easy to give her time to stand on her own two feet.  Does that make sense?  What would you do (genuinely interested in opinions here)?  Yes, she was a shit to me. She broke us up without giving me any chance to reconcile or make things better. She had virtually nothing to throw at me in terms of my own behaviour. It was all about her wanting to be free like a teenager again.  She started sleeping around.  She refused help or counselling.  But the legal system won't care about blame.  They only care about the kids and I can't make life hard for the kids if I want to keep the house.

Blimey fella, you've had it bad.

Same old as many will of seen here with the ex wanting to live a free spirited life all the time and sleeping with others.

Unfortunately for me, despite me paying all my house bills, I wasn't the person who the rental agreement was with and moved out so the kids had a roof over their head.

So far what's happened with weekends? Have you noticed she's going out more? You having the kids more often?

Been 15 months since I split with my ex, and it has been hard.
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