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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
(11-20-2018, 01:37 PM)Chester Copperpot Wrote: She is however, adamant that she just wants to stay in the house and so her life remained completely unchanged.

Thats the situation with mine. I went to stay at my mothers temporarily and all these months later i'm still there. My life got flipped turned upside down and hers hasn't really changed much. I don't know what her friends and family think but they all seem quite comfortable rocking up to my house, sitting in my living room, eating in my kitchen, sleeping in one of the spare rooms etc.......all the while i'm not allowed to stay there myself!.....despite it being a 4 bedroom property!..

Her life hasn't even changed in that (as i posted in my own thread Pictures On The Wall) the wedding photo still hangs on the wall in the living room.....as does the 'Living Bate Family Wellies' picture she had made last year......as does the 'Fall In Love' picture she bought on our first holiday away together.....'Best Dad' magnet still on the fridge......my 'Best Dad' mug is still in the cupboard....

Plus she is sleeping in the brand new kingsize bed she insisted we bought - only in February this year!....

She's enjoying the new carpet I bought......pulling the new curtains i bought.....

She bought a new cabinet for the living room.....on that cabinet are photos of me and my daughter, photos of me and her, and a little drawing that her friend did for us as a wedding present - showing places we've been and where we went for our honeymoon etc...

Very surreal situation.....
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(11-20-2018, 02:03 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote: Blimey fella, you've had it bad.

Same old as many will of seen here with the ex wanting to live a free spirited life all the time and sleeping with others.

Unfortunately for me, despite me paying all my house bills, I wasn't the person who the rental agreement was with and moved out so the kids had a roof over their head.

So far what's happened with weekends? Have you noticed she's going out more? You having the kids more often?

Been 15 months since I split with my ex, and it has been hard.

There are many guys on here who have had it much worse than me. I'm still in my house. If I buy her out, I'll keep it and get on with my life.

She's stayed away in the main at weekends.  We have a family arrangement for shared care.  Week 1 and Week 2.  I have the kids Monday/Tuesday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday then Wed/Thu (nights). She picks them up from school every night and comes to mine if it's one of my evenings. We have childcare options also but I think she'd prefer to see the kids, for now anyway (she's much busier with her work).   It's working pretty well. Each parent gets to see the kids on 10 in every 14 days if we stick to it religiously.  But actually we're probably seeing them more.

I try not to pay attention to where she's going and who with. I ask the kids not to tell me.  It's been vastly easier since she moved out in that respect.
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(11-20-2018, 02:06 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 01:37 PM)Chester Copperpot Wrote: She is however, adamant that she just wants to stay in the house and so her life remained completely unchanged.

Thats the situation with mine. I went to stay at my mothers temporarily and all these months later i'm still there. My life got flipped turned upside down and hers hasn't really changed much. I don't know what her friends and family think but they all seem quite comfortable rocking up to my house, sitting in my living room, eating in my kitchen, sleeping in one of the spare rooms etc.......all the while i'm not allowed to stay there myself!.....despite it being a 4 bedroom property!..

Her life hasn't even changed in that (as i posted in my own thread Pictures On The Wall) the wedding photo still hangs on the wall in the living room.....as does the 'Living Bate Family Wellies' picture she had made last year......as does the 'Fall In Love' picture she bought on our first holiday away together.....'Best Dad' magnet still on the fridge......my 'Best Dad' mug is still in the cupboard....

Plus she is sleeping in the brand new kingsize bed she insisted we bought - only in February this year!....

She's enjoying the new carpet I bought......pulling the new curtains i bought.....

She bought a new cabinet for the living room.....on that cabinet are photos of me and my daughter, photos of me and her, and a little drawing that her friend did for us as a wedding present - showing places we've been and where we went for our honeymoon etc...

Very surreal situation.....

There's something about this that rings true for me. It's just an impression but I am starting think there's a kind of pattern where the STBX instigates the separation, initiates the divorce, re-envisions the marriage as something bad for which the bloke is to blame, is determined not to reconcile - but still doesn't really believe it's happening. It would fit the phenomenon where if the bloke just gets on with giving her the divorce she wants it's something else we're doing wrong and gets it in the neck for it. It's like they're so caught up in the drama it's not quite real.
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(11-20-2018, 02:06 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 01:37 PM)Chester Copperpot Wrote: She is however, adamant that she just wants to stay in the house and so her life remained completely unchanged.

Thats the situation with mine. I went to stay at my mothers temporarily and all these months later i'm still there. My life got flipped turned upside down and hers hasn't really changed much. I don't know what her friends and family think but they all seem quite comfortable rocking up to my house, sitting in my living room, eating in my kitchen, sleeping in one of the spare rooms etc.......all the while i'm not allowed to stay there myself!.....despite it being a 4 bedroom property!..

Her life hasn't even changed in that (as i posted in my own thread Pictures On The Wall) the wedding photo still hangs on the wall in the living room.....as does the 'Living Bate Family Wellies' picture she had made last year......as does the 'Fall In Love' picture she bought on our first holiday away together.....'Best Dad' magnet still on the fridge......my 'Best Dad' mug is still in the cupboard....

Plus she is sleeping in the brand new kingsize bed she insisted we bought - only in February this year!....

She's enjoying the new carpet I bought......pulling the new curtains i bought.....

She bought a new cabinet for the living room.....on that cabinet are photos of me and my daughter, photos of me and her, and a little drawing that her friend did for us as a wedding present - showing places we've been and where we went for our honeymoon etc...

Very surreal situation.....

This is just mega-crazy, never mind surreal, if you're separated and she still has these touch-points to the old life she is deluded, have you mentioned these things to her? My ex had a photo of me in her new flat until recently, it creeped me out but she thought it was perfectly normal, despite the fact that this flat of hers was paid for her older/wealthier 'gentleman friend'. I genuinely think that some women are incapable of realising the consequences of their actions...
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(11-20-2018, 02:33 PM)Jim Wrote: It's like they're so caught up in the drama it's not quite real.

Yeh mine has handled the whole situation like its not quite real. She gave my nephews and niece birthday presents. She text my sister suggesting they meet up before Christmas, she FB messaged my mates wife, she turned up at my mothers house to collect a blanket and tried chatting to her like old pals......possibly forgetting that she is chatting to the mother of the bloke who's life she just ruined.....and continues to ruin....

She's also been a walking contradiction since this whole mess started.
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(11-20-2018, 03:04 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 02:33 PM)Jim Wrote: It's like they're so caught up in the drama it's not quite real.

Yeh mine has handled the whole situation like its not quite real. She gave my nephews and niece birthday presents. She text my sister suggesting they meet up before Christmas, she FB messaged my mates wife, she turned up at my mothers house to collect a blanket and tried chatting to her like old pals......possibly forgetting that she is chatting to the mother of the bloke who's life she just ruined.....and continues to ruin....

She's also been a walking contradiction since this whole mess started.

Or is it trying to isolate you? Sometimes it's like my wife wants the whole lot of our previous life and me left completely alone. Like getting a gang up against one of the other mothers waiting for the kids outside school.
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(11-20-2018, 03:04 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 02:33 PM)Jim Wrote: It's like they're so caught up in the drama it's not quite real.

Yeh mine has handled the whole situation like its not quite real. She gave my nephews and niece birthday presents. She text my sister suggesting they meet up before Christmas, she FB messaged my mates wife, she turned up at my mothers house to collect a blanket and tried chatting to her like old pals......possibly forgetting that she is chatting to the mother of the bloke who's life she just ruined.....and continues to ruin....

She's also been a walking contradiction since this whole mess started.

Sweet Jesus! Really? Have you spoken with her about this strange behaviour...? What did she say?
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(11-20-2018, 02:56 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: This is just mega-crazy, never mind surreal, if you're separated and she still has these touch-points to the old life she is deluded, have you mentioned these things to her?

I haven't....partly because I think its nice for my daughter to have pictures of me around the house still.....but partly because I think it demonstrates to others that all is not right in her melon.

Her friend from Scotland was down on the weekend and she hasn't been in the house since this first happened.....I was wondering if she might be the one to point out that this shit is just weird.

As an aside i'm not really sure what she has been told because she was chatting away to me like everything was gravy.
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(11-20-2018, 02:14 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote:
(11-20-2018, 02:03 PM)Tom_W88 Wrote: Blimey fella, you've had it bad.

Same old as many will of seen here with the ex wanting to live a free spirited life all the time and sleeping with others.

Unfortunately for me, despite me paying all my house bills, I wasn't the person who the rental agreement was with and moved out so the kids had a roof over their head.

So far what's happened with weekends? Have you noticed she's going out more? You having the kids more often?

Been 15 months since I split with my ex, and it has been hard.

There are many guys on here who have had it much worse than me. I'm still in my house. If I buy her out, I'll keep it and get on with my life.

She's stayed away in the main at weekends.  We have a family arrangement for shared care.  Week 1 and Week 2.  I have the kids Monday/Tuesday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday then Wed/Thu (nights).  She picks them up from school every night and comes to mine if it's one of my evenings.  We have childcare options also but I think she'd prefer to see the kids, for now anyway (she's much busier with her work).   It's working pretty well. Each parent gets to see the kids on 10 in every 14 days if we stick to it religiously.  But actually we're probably seeing them more.

I try not to pay attention to where she's going and who with. I ask the kids not to tell me.  It's been vastly easier since she moved out in that respect.

I like your Optimism and hope it continues, otherwise you can get sucked into a dark hole.  I am slowly crawling out of it.

But yeah, she's not called Lindsey is she?
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(11-20-2018, 03:14 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Sweet Jesus! Really? Have you spoken with her about this strange behaviour...? What did she say?

I haven't....its similar to the pictures thing in that it shows other people that its like she's not taking this thing seriously.

Its borderline comforting because I have in my own mind questioned my own sanity a few times.....but then she does something bat shit crazy and everyone else can see its not normal behaviour.

Like my mates wife is really uncomfortable about the situation. Her loyalty is to me, but she really liked her too.....If it happens again or goes on much more I will have to say something.....but for now i'm just letting it go..
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