On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners

[Tom_W88]

(11-21-2018, 12:12 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Sadly not so much today.  She pissed me off last night.  Mentioned she was staying up in London on Friday night and I knew it was with a bloke. For very good reasons I expect it's the bloke she was seeing when we split up (to me, that's an affair, right?  She doesn't see it that way. Apparently the bloke isn't the reason we split up and therefore it's all ok. Even though she was planning a surprise wedding a few weeks before she met him and clearly fell in love with this man before she broke up with me. What bollocks!) . I couldn't hide the hurt so ignored her til she left.  She then emailed me and said she was confused about why I was fine one minute then hated her the next. So I didn't hold back. I told her I thought she was very insensitive. It still hurt like it did 6 months ago. I don't want to hear about her private life.  I don't like her being in my home and we need to sort out new solutions.  She apologised but everything seems to have gone south since then. I had a stressful night with the kids. Didn't sleep enough. Stressful morning with the kids. And on Friday I need to sit down with her to discuss Xmas and a few other things, knowing that she'll be heading off to meet her guy right after.

I was doing well.  Perhaps a small part of me felt she was warming to me and that she might not be seeing anybody anymore. So it stung when I heard about her plans. ALl the rejection, jealousy and hurt came back.  All the questioning about what had gone wrong and how she could've done it to me and the kids.  And now I'm gutted that she saw me pissed off and needy again.  FFS!

She will still continue the way she is FC unless you cut her out.

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(11-22-2018, 08:19 PM)pazzer1973 Wrote: Slightly off topic but i had to comfort my ex the otherday, woken at 10 am by social services on the blower saying my two youngest were in grave danger under ex's care,  WTF NOW????,,,,... So anyhow turns out the new fella as told by the SS woman is a sexual predator/groomer, he belted her 2 weeks ago on a night out and got arrested and this is how it all came to mine and her knowledge, luckily nothing untoward has happened with our kids, otherwise i would not be writing this post...more drama than SKY ONE ....

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Exactly where i'm at GRA76 you just have to be that little bit tougher/harder on yourself for the better... iv'e my life to lead now, not interested whats she's doing in hers...

I really dont know what to say to that but just shocked.  Hopefully this bloke gets his commupence.

[pazzer1973]

Shocked myself too, and so fucking stupid of the ex to even contemplate introducing s new fell to the kids with out the necessary checks that MUST be done in today's society, this could have been a so much worse scenario.
Goes to show what could happen, be vigilant about you ex's new partners guys ...

[Fatcat1980]

Thanks. It's sobering advice.

[Gra76]

(11-25-2018, 07:18 PM)pazzer1973 Wrote: Shocked myself too, and so fucking stupid of the ex to even contemplate introducing s new fell to the kids with out the necessary checks that MUST be done in today's society, this could have been a so much worse scenario.
Goes to show what could happen, be vigilant about you ex's new partners guys ...

I'll be having background checks done on my STBX's BF as he was introduced to the kids last weekend on the sly. Any man going within a thousand miles of my kids better be whiter than white or there's going to be a fallout

[Tom_W88]

(11-26-2018, 11:31 AM)Gra76 Wrote:

(11-25-2018, 07:18 PM)pazzer1973 Wrote: Shocked myself too, and so fucking stupid of the ex to even contemplate introducing s new fell to the kids with out the necessary checks that MUST be done in today's society, this could have been a so much worse scenario.
Goes to show what could happen, be vigilant about you ex's new partners guys ...

I'll be having background checks done on my STBX's BF as he was introduced to the kids last weekend on the sly. Any man going within a thousand miles of my kids better be whiter than white or there's going to be a fallout

where or how do you get these checks sorted?

[DMC]

https://www.sarsas.org.uk/sarahs-law/

[Tom_W88]

(11-26-2018, 02:16 PM)DMC Wrote: https://www.sarsas.org.uk/sarahs-law/

thank you

[pazzer1973]

As DMC has linked bud, but i'm not sure if you can actually do them if your not in a relationship with the person in question from the info i got off the social worker, i maybe wrong though, but these checks are a MUST in today's society, i would be looking at a lengthy custodial sentence if the freak had even touched my kids that's for sure, and i'm well on top of her dating again as i will be needing proof for any future partners of hers to be around our children that's for sure.

[Mr Sandman]

I'll occasionally bring this one back to life as a reminder of how important it is to move on - I recently let my ex wife back into my life a small amount as it seemed reasonable to be a bit more friendly now, now I'm getting the whole 'we should fix it, what we had was special' - we've been divorced six months and she's living with the guy she cheated on me with. Very upsetting for me, it was a mistake for me to allow her in even a smidgen...

[Living Bate]

i'd been feeling a lot better recently and more positive, keeping interaction with the ex to a very bare minimum.....

i obviously had to open dialogue a bit with her to try and arrange time with my daughter over christmas...

so i text her and she text back.....she started off with her attempts to come across as flexible and amicable, but even through text i could feel every one of them started to get more awkward and angry, until it turned into long walls of text from her accusing me of not caring about my daughter or putting her first, not being fit to have her overnight, or listening to the advice she tries to give me etc......

fuming......back to shaky thumb texting and tension just running up the back of my neck in disbelief.......even now after 10 months she can't help sticking the boot in whenever we discuss anything....

pissed off now and feel powerless....she's so controlling and really uses my daughter to hurt me and get what she wants....