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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
(12-19-2018, 12:39 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: But the best way to stick it to her and her dad is for them to see you as 'winning' and successful and not bothered by their random fuckery in the least, even if it hurts not to let it show, then don't let it show. Even if you have to lie about what you're doing to stick it to them.


i know what you are saying, but in truth i'm not trying to stick it to anyone.....

i just want to enjoy my evening with my daughter and not deal with the pending feeling of shitness when i have to hand her over to my exes dad and drive away.....probably with her shouting daddy as i walk down my driveway to my car....

i'd like to have a cordial relationship with the ex where we can just be pleasant and to each other and i can stop getting bombarded by massive angry texts criticising me...

i just want to move on......get her family out of my face, and have minimal contact with the ex.......its all about my relationship with my daughter now.....nothing else...

i'm tired of the struggle, i have been for many months.....i'm tired of the games.....i just want an easy life...and this shit today has been done to push my buttons.....i know it has....
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(12-19-2018, 12:39 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote:
(12-19-2018, 11:34 AM)Living Bate Wrote:
(12-19-2018, 11:02 AM)Tamagoto Wrote: none of it matters.

having to hand my daughter over to my exes dad and then drive back to my mothers house on my todd does matter....

hence why i am here

But the best way to stick it to her and her dad is for them to see you as 'winning' and successful and not bothered by their random fuckery in the least, even if it hurts not to let it show, then don't let it show. Even if you have to lie about what you're doing to stick it to them.


It is very, very tough.  But I agree on this.  Somehow, just make it your mission to rise above it.  I'm not going to get all sanctimonious about this.  I have many bad days still to come.  I'm also a "work in progress" but am going through a tranquil phase and it's both easier AND is the impression of myself I want to give to my ex and her family.  The anger does eat you up and the kids pick up on it, and your ex knows she's winning.
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(12-19-2018, 12:33 PM)Living Bate Wrote: its got fuck all to do with ego.....its got everything to do with the fact i'm pining for my child and feeling like my exes dad plays a bigger role in her life than i do.....

Tamagoto you should consider becoming a counsellor.....then when people start describing their problems you can just tell them it doesnt matter and draw the session to a close...

easy money...

Mate - that is your ego. £4 on Kindle, I'll pay if you want.

(12-19-2018, 12:39 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: But the best way to stick it to her and her dad is for them to see you as 'winning' and successful and not bothered by their random fuckery in the least, even if it hurts not to let it show, then don't let it show. Even if you have to lie about what you're doing to stick it to them.

This is really true - the brain is easy to fool, lie for long enough and it becomes the actual truth in your head. Lie about moving on, about not being bothered, and in a really small amount of time, you won't care and you will have moved on.

(12-19-2018, 02:13 PM)Living Bate Wrote: i'm tired of the struggle, i have been for many months.....i'm tired of the games.....i just want an easy life...and this shit today has been done to push my buttons.....i know it has....

If you don't have buttons, nobody can push them.
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(12-19-2018, 02:36 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: If you don't have buttons, nobody can push them.

what a load of bollox.....everyone should have buttons.....

what if your ex walked into your living room and curled one out under your christmas tree?.....then wiped her arse on your pilates mat and shot off without closing the door behind her?...

would you just stand there and shrug?.....not a problem!....i've got no buttons!.....
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(12-19-2018, 03:10 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(12-19-2018, 02:36 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: If you don't have buttons, nobody can push them.

what a load of bollox.....everyone should have buttons.....

what if your ex walked into your living room and curled one out under your christmas tree?.....then wiped her arse on your pilates mat and shot off without closing the door behind her?...

would you just stand there and shrug?.....not a problem!....i've got no buttons!.....

Yes mate - really.

Unless you're in actual danger - or the house is being set on fire, you are better off getting to the point where you don't care and someone can't provoke you.

I can see you are angry and upset and I'm sorry you feel like this, I know it's horrible and I know how frustrated you feel. But getting angry with people just makes you angry, it doesn't make any problems go away.

She will be the mother of your kids - forever. So you had best get used to it and figure out how to live with that fact before you become permanently bitter and twisted.

Or do you have a better plan?
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Instead of ranting on here why don't you focus your on getting a proper parenting agreement and a decent financial settlement.
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all planned for the new year thanks.....
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(12-19-2018, 03:47 PM)Living Bate Wrote: all planned for the new year thanks.....

Better to concentrate on things you can affect.
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(12-19-2018, 03:10 PM)Living Bate Wrote: what a load of bollox.....everyone should have buttons.....

what if your ex walked into your living room and curled one out under your christmas tree?.....then wiped her arse on your pilates mat and shot off without closing the door behind her?...

would you just stand there and shrug?.....not a problem!....i've got no buttons!.....

Mate, I've literally just spat a mouthful of sandwich across my desk! Big Grin

Well if anything, among some pretty gloomy posts this afternoon, you've cheered me right up (I'm sat here giggling like a kid, thank fuck I'm the only one in the office this afternoon). Cheers!
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I hate people that leave the front door open too. 'specially in this weather. Money's tight for all of us now, right?
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