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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
#41
(08-16-2018, 02:53 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: More swearing from the resident Buddhist:

If it's not fuck yeah, then it's hell no.

In all things, all the time. Especially in relationships. From both sides. Nothing else is worth the hassle. Nothing.

Sorry - would you mind explaining that bit "Nothing else is worth the hassle. Nothing." Only relationships are worth the hassle?
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#42
For me - if I don’t think hell yeah about it, The the answer is no. I should be more clear Smile

So anything, buying a car, a t shirt, having a relationship. It’s either a big yes, or it’s no
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#43
(08-16-2018, 06:48 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: For me - if I don’t think hell yeah about it, The the answer is no. I should be more clear Smile

So anything, buying a car, a t shirt, having a relationship. It’s either a big yes, or it’s no


Got it. Thanks. Same as when you say only keep an object that brings you joy not something you're neutral about. The opposite of joy is pain which is an obvious get rid of it. But 'neutral' defaults to not worth it. That makes a lot of sense (if I got it right). I read a quote from the Buddha the other day that may be pertinent. I haven't got it so can't get the wording exact but from memory it's something like if you do something do it with your whole heart. That corresponds to the big yes if I got it right. Interesting because the usual impression of Buddhism is you're supposed to be kind of neutral all the time. If that Buddha quote is accurate it's more nuanced: something like a neutral state of awareness should be a kind of habit but when it's right to commit to something you do it 100%.
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#44
sums it up well yes. If you're not into something wholeheartedly, why are you bothering?
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#45
Also adding "Arrange drop offs and hand overs through a third party / at school" as I think that's huuuuuugely useful to do!
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#46
Any other hot tips to update the guide with?
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#47
On the topic of de-cluttering, we need to do it emotionally also, a line some have us have used is 'she is not your friend' or 'friends wouldn't do that' - the sooner we stop (or try) thinking of them as such, take them off the pedestals and ignore their clingy overtures (they do this to feel better about shafting us) the easier it is to move on, the mantra 'she is not your friend' is five words that remind us and help us in that.
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#48
(09-03-2018, 02:07 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: On the topic of de-cluttering, we need to do it emotionally also, a line some have us have used is 'she is not your friend' or 'friends wouldn't do that' - the sooner we stop (or try) thinking of them as such, take them off the pedestals and ignore their clingy overtures (they do this to feel better about shafting us) the easier it is to move on, the mantra 'she is not your friend' is five words that remind us and help us in that.

It's taken me exactly 3 months to realise this and now I can accept the mantra into my life  Smile

But what about being friends in future?  Once you're over it; you've moved on; the money is sorted; the grief is gone; forgiveness has happened.  You have a bond - you had kids together.  Would any of you consider a friendship with your ex then, current relationship allowing?
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#49
never in a million years...
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#50
Big Grin 
(09-03-2018, 03:08 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: never in a million years...

LOL  You sound pretty sure.
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