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On the benefits of total separation from our ex partners
(09-06-2018, 09:04 AM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Getting back to the topic of total separation, I had a chat with mine last night about our plans for proper separation.  See what you think:

Let her sink. She's not your problem. The kids will be ok she's hardly likely to lose them in Egypt by mistake.
(09-06-2018, 09:04 AM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: "She insists she wants to rent a 2-bed flat for a few months to help her save some money".
"She hopes to take the kids on holiday at half term."
Really? Contradiction & hypocrisy back to back!

Money! Holiday? Save? HA!
Bonkers! Nuts! Crazy!
(09-06-2018, 12:59 PM)I am a human Wrote:
(09-06-2018, 09:04 AM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: "She insists she wants to rent a 2-bed flat for a few months to help her save some money".
"She hopes to take the kids on holiday at half term."
Really? Contradiction & hypocrisy back to back!

Money! Holiday? Save? HA!
Bonkers! Nuts! Crazy!

I know, but I should've explained the reason she wants to save money IS to do things with the kids, like the holiday.  And that's fair enough.  I looked at the sums and it's possible.  But she has other things to deal with as well, like debts and she needs a car.

Someone said to me just a couple of days ago, your kids are going to have so many holidays they won't know what's hit them!
seems like your was peri-menopausal too certainly the symptoms were the same
Add in a dose attention from a guy at the gym and her poisonous best friend chirping away in her ear because best freind was jealous of what we had and full diagnosis complete
Annoyingly my ex wife came to the house last night and I was too friendly with her (beyond being just civil), there was nothing physical or emotional but we talked about our daughter, money, board games she'd forgotten and the cats. Get the feeling I've let her get a foot in the door. I didn't live up to my own 'cut her off at the knees' ethos....
well we were all in love with em once, there was a reason!
There were indeed, but their subsequent actions and behaviour more than outweigh the "happy times"

I Never dwell on those memories because everyone views them with a certain degree of rose tinted glasses.

When you're looking through those all the red flag just look like flags!
Ok, this is relevant to this thread. Your thoughts would be welcome.

My ex and I are getting on in a business-like manner right now. No arguments but nothing too warm and cuddly.  She moved into a flat about a mile away a fortnight ago and we have the kids 7 nights in 14 each.  My house is half hers.  Soon we'll make a decision on selling or me buying her out.  It makes sense to keep it because it's close to the kids' school and is a good size for them.

I accept that she has to come and go from the house a bit, for now.  She is still moving, though it's just about done.  We still have mutually interest in sorting out the kids' clothes and certain belongings.  Also, we have a dog - her dog to be honest -  but he couldn't go to the flat so she comes to walk him on certain days.  And on evenings that I have the kids, she collects them and brings them home for a couple of hours until I get in.  Afterschool club is an option but the kids don't like it and it's expensive.

This evening at about 9pm, she let herself into the house.  She'd forgotten her phone charger.  Perhaps her phone had died but she didn't even ring the bell.  Okay okay -  perhaps also she didn't want to disturb everyone by ringing the bell.  Nonetheless, the kids were up and were excited to see her, which disrupted bedtime. But, of course, it was an invasion of my personal space and that's the main thing.  The boundaries are a bit blurred though, given the requirement for her to come to the house at certain times. Plus it is still her house.

It needs to be addressed in a non-confrontational way. She responds very badly to anything even mildly confrontational or critical.  Any tips?
I'd be tempted to pretty much let this one slide, but just point out that it would be appreciated if you could at least drop me a text next time.

She gets away with this one as it was the phone charger she needed so she might not have been able to give you a heads up if her battery had died.

It really isn't on though because she's got somewhere else that she can call home and you haven't so its not really fair her just turning up unannounced and letting herself in.

And despite the kids being excited to see her its not really in their best interest if its disrupting bedtime.

I say mention it, but don't make a big thing of it. If it happens again put your foot down.
Yeah LB, I think you're right. If I'd texted her about it last night it would've been too heavy.  But it needs to be mentioned in a friendly way.

The other thing you're right on is that she has her own home now.  I don't have a key. I don't have any reason to go there other than to pick up the kids and to do any work she needs to help her get settled, which I've offered but she's only asked me to do a tiny bit.    I don't have the same level of privacy.  I don't feel like I'll ever feel truly as if my house is my personal space at the moment.  But I need to take it slowly.  If I harass her now to sell or to be strict about each others homes, she might get prickly about it all.  We are trying to put the kids' interests first.

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