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Ex is at work, why would she care?
#1
So during the court negotiations ex very, VERY underhandedly argued that my time should stop at 9am on my days and not 3:15pm. Her argument at the time was that its easier for the school to have only one emergency contact, so if anything happens after 9am the school only call her. 
The court legal advisor said you would need to make a new application to decide this so I relented and let her have the 9am in the order.
lots of game playing since etc etc and now I have booked a few days off over the coming weeks to spend with daughter before she starts school. Ive done this on hundreds of occasions in the past, last year had 3 months between contracts and had daughter almost every day.

So yesterday Im taking daughter to the child minder at 10am because she desperately needed a bath, she stubbed her toe and a bit of skin was hanging off with dirt in it. I needed to get it clean and dressed, not a serious injury but dont want it going sceptic and I didnt have meetings until lunch so whats the rush.
Txt ex with pics and asked her to put some savalon on it that night to keep it sterile, I also asked for the temporary child minders number to let her know Ill be late.
Ex gets very intrusive but does give child minders number, all done. DOESNT SAY A WORD ABOUT CHILD, doesnt even ask if she is ok.

As I pull into the childminders estate at 10am [only one way in and out] ex's friend is standing next to her car pointing her phone at me taking pictures, brazen as you like. When I backed up to ask what she is doing she sped off. Clearly ex is intending to claim I breached the order.

Im not worried about this, she would have a very hard time in court, she didnt even ask how daughter was, nothing. And I have my letters to my solicitor predicting this very scenario. Her intentions can clearly be shown as controlling rather than best interest of child.

So here is my problem, Ive text a couple of times to say that I will be keeping daughter instead of childminder next Thursday, told the childminder as I always have but ex hasnt replied and Im certain she wont. She wont reply because she has NO good reason to block it, she is at work and she doesnt want to put it in writing.

So whats my risk here?
The 9am time was not ordered it was agreed [by me] in post order drafting. Irrelevant?
Ex is at work and I have done everything possible to arrange, do I just go ahead and keep her and let the ex take me to court if she wants?
School starts in a few weeks so its only a short term problem.
I can evidence hundreds of times Ive had daughter during the day and the ex has been perfectly happy with it. It happened before the last court order so is it now irrelevant?

When I told my partner about the friend taking pictures she said I should consider restraining orders but thats not an option.

I dont complain when she has a day off with daughter, I expect the same in return.
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#2
A family court would rather you had your daughter until 4pm as mum is at work.
They dont like children been with a childminder or with someone else if you are actually available . and the crazy thing is you have daughter overnight so whats the point of returning her at 9 am if ex isnt even around at 9am ..shes at work!!.
I wouldnt like you to get in trouble but it would make more sense if you kept your daughter until late afternoon if your available.
A court would not be very happy exs friend using hostile behaviour in front of your daughter waving a camera around and speeding off,she has no reason to be there.
If you have a court order it maybe reluctantly have to stick to 9 am ..you wouldnt be breached for been a hour late other day. its common sense and should be sorted out between parents or mediation.

What actual contact arrangements do you have now. did you represent yourself?
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#3
Ive got every Wednesday night and every other weekend Friday-Monday. Half holidays. I went full on solicitor and barrister but I will always regret it, well not the barrister, she was a star. Next time Im in court Ill definitely represent myself. In my opinion, standing up and talking to the judges is the MOST important thing. They get to hear you speak, see how much you care, how scared you are of losing your kids and how hurt you are at the false accusations. Its invaluable.



Ex was sweet as pie when I picked up daughter last night, so I dont think she is stupid enough to go to court over one incident, but clearly building a case.

She'd be silly to go to court to be honest, the first thing I would do is counter with residence and more time.

Its all about setting a precedent with the ex, if she dictates something and gets away with it she'll keep going. If it doesnt work she gives up. In truth things have improved massively considering what she used to be like. She's bound by the eternal question - Why is that in the child's best interest? Its a very hard question to answer when you care more about control than you do your own child.

For the love of God why cant two grown adults just have a conversation about who does what and just leave it there. For those of you in IT will know the RACI matrix, who is informed, who is consulted, who is responsible and who is accountable.

Anyway Ive told her Im keeping daughter on Thursday for the day, she can let me know when she finishes work and Ill drop her off.
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#4
I think its only 9 am during school term as you drop your daughter off at school and i assume your ex collects her. its school holidays so if ex partner is at work thursday morning it would make perfectly good sense for you to drop her off later in afternoon or when she finishes work.
Theres no point your daughter been stuck with a childminder if you are available
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#5
(08-11-2018, 06:26 AM)warwickshire1 Wrote: I think its only 9 am during school term as you drop your daughter off at school and i assume your ex collects her. its school holidays so if ex partner is at work thursday morning it would make perfectly good sense for you to drop her off later in afternoon or when she finishes work.
Theres no point your daughter been stuck with a childminder if you are available

Agreed, I guess its up to the judge on the day, does one follow the order to the letter or does common sense prevail.
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#6
I hate the RACI matrix ...
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#7
(08-11-2018, 07:13 AM)invisibleintellectual Wrote: I hate the RACI matrix ...

Clearly you're in the top right corner
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