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going through hell and need help
#1
Been married 26 years , three kids 13,15,19 although marriage has been dead for ther last 10.

I work in the merchant Navy, met a woman whom i've known for 15 years and we had an affair. Both stopped it after wife found out. Broke off contact with other woman. Wife has four friends all are divorcees and one lent her the cash to file a divorce. My wife did this even though wwe were going through counselling at the time.
I've accepted the marriage is over and she is divorcing me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. However she eats with kids and refuses to let me eat with them.I now wash all my clothes but only at a time to suit her. I am confined to the sofa even though we originally agreed to rotate on alternate days. She is constantly trying to hack into my emails and computer accounts such as google. she even tried ringing the other woman at half one in the morning!
She will not listen to anything - she is convinced she will get the house and all her costs back despite me checking and telling her that she will have to pay her own way with regards financial settlement fees. when I told her fees are expensive the reply i got was the solicitor told her she could pay on monthly terms. I have told her the best and cheapest way forward re financial settlement is do it ourselves or use a mediator. she thinks a mediator is like a counsellor and wants the solicitors to deal with it instead -unaware that she is committing financial suicide. during my weeks away she is very good at distorting the truth about things to my two sons and has effectively turned the oldest against me.
it is now getting to the point where i want to move out as this is doing my health in. I've lost nearly two stone in weight and am on an increased doseage of anti depressants. But presumably that is what she wants and would err in her favour regarding settlement? i need a good nights sleep more than anything and am getting pissed off that she constantly changes the rules to suit herself. when you confront her or ask to speak sensibly i get the same reaction as a five year old.
any advice would be welcome as i am seriously losing my grip. As i said i know the marriage is over but just want to adress things fairly.
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#2
Sorry for this situation

Sorry to be bearer of bad news... everything she is doing is normal for her... marriage is dead but you had affair so she will use this to paint you as the bad guy

Nothing you can do ... you are not responsible for her reaction and actions... only yours

Eating with the kids... is very petty from her but predictable
Wash your clothes ... you can do it when you like
Sofa... yep ... what where you expecting?
Protect your social media and emails ... my ex succeeded (she even hacked my mothers email!) found nothing but obviously gave her something to do while i was at work...
She will ring the other woman... because while the marriage was dead she obviously still loved you and feels betrayed... also marriage is between 2 people so if you strayed it was for a reason... but now she got rope to hang you with so doesn't need to take responsibility for the marriage failing

She doesn't have to listen to you any more as you are not in a relationship and she will try to hurt you no matter what that does to her

You have one job now and that is to focus on the kids... be a good dad to them and explain while you made a mistake and it hurts, you are still the dad they love and these thing happen ...

Don't move out (get legal advice they will tell you why you should stay put)
Being depressed about the situation and being on medication has no bearing on anything unless you are a danger to the kids (prepare yourself for when she pulls that one in court!)

There are no rules so she will make them up as she goes along... expect the unexpected always

If you cannot address things fairly together ... you will both pay huge legal fees and end up exactly where you started in 2 year time but a lot poorer... sorry!

PS ... get back in touch with the other woman... who knows ... you may be happier... and you will need to move on at some point so may as well be with someone you like
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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