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Advice on Residency & Ex Partner Introducing a Concerning Individual to my Child
#1
I'll try to keep this as brief as possible and not turn it into a rant against my wife.

Basically - I caught my wife having an affair last month with a man who is also married and lives in a different city. They met online after months of my wife messaging tonnes of other men and finally finding one close enough to have a relationship with. We're separated now and my wife has moved out. We have a 3 year old daughter together and I'm very concerned about my wife's interest in her as she keeps abandoning her to go out (she's usually not the type to even go out, doesn't drink etc), and I sometimes come home to a house with no nappies or food or wipes for our girl after she's been looking after her.

Anyway, my main concern is for the man she's seeing (the same, currently married man who also has a little girl the same age as ours). I don't know anything about him and my wife has denied my repeated requests for a phone number for him. I found him on Facebook and left him a pretty civil message and instead of responding he blocked me and my wife handed over a list of names my side of the family and a few of my friends so that he could block them too. I've also since been in contact with his father in law who has told me that this man is a "control freak with a nasty temper", and that he's been in trouble with the police on two occasions in the past couple of weeks!

I'm speaking to a lawyer about all of this amongst other things and my wife set up mediation. Our daughter is living with me and staying over at her mum's two nights a week. However, I've made it clear that I don't want this man anywhere near my child until I know more about him, which I thought we were agreed on. He still lives in another city at the moment (to the best of my knowledge) and won't be moving in for a little bit. I've made it clear to my wife that I'm not saying our daughter could never see this man but we need to wait a bit until we see what's happening with the future of their relationship (they've only known each other for 8 weeks, mostly digitally), and I need to know that he's not a danger or a bad influence to my child.

However, our poor little girl informed me yesterday that she'd met a man in Mummy's new house with the same name as my wife's new partner and described him to me. It's him. My wife also said to our little girl "Don't tell Daddy". It's also been confirmed to me by my mother-in-law that yes, this man has indeed been introduced into my daughter's life, against my wishes.

So my question is, do I have the right to take my child completely into my care until this mess is sorted out? I don't want to stop my wife from seeing her mum, but I'm not happy with her staying over there anymore when I don't know where she's going to be or who she's going to be with. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.
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#2
Hello mate - short answer - No. You have absolutely no rights to stop her introducing your daughter to anyone she pleases and you cannot stop contact with her unless you have some absolute cast iron proof he is an actual danger to your daughter. And even then you'd be on very shaky ground.

Sorry to disappoint - my wife ran off with someone, a friend, and I didn't want him anywhere near the kids but there was no way I could make it happen, and believe me I did try. Social services won't care, police won't care and your ex clearly does not either. Unless he has a conviction for child abuse of some kind - and face it, he doesn't, there is nothing you can do.

However there are ways to deal with the way you're feeling, and ways to get around the obstacles you face.

I'd recommend these books:
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-6257.html

Especially this one:
The Obstacle is the Way: The Ancient Art of Turning Adversity to Advantage
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Obstacle-Way-Ancient-Adversity-Advantage/dp/1781251487
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#3
Yes agree to the above. Lucky you got custody full time unlike nearly all of us on here and your ex only sees daughter every other weekend.
There isnt anything you can do about it and if there was any concerns i am sure you would hear off the police,social services yourself. until they have an issue you probably best to get on with ex and not let it bother you
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#4
Thanks for your replies. Obviously not what I wanted to hear but very thankful for your input. The whole situation is just so messed up. I don't understand why my wife is refusing to work with me on this, I thought she was more intelligent than this but she's acting like a child. I've self-referred into a local counselling service today to try and work though all of this. Never felt so bad in my life.
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#5
Make sure you keep evidence of everything she says and does. Once she gets over her little Jeremy Kyle episode and is left with nothing she may come back for full residence and you would have the fight of your life to stop it. There are a few resident fathers here and it strikes me they have a MUCH harder time keeping residence than mothers do.
Just something to bear in mind, if I were you I would forget about what she is up to now and concentrate on the future by getting sole residence official, bedded in and secure [for your daughter mostly, so she has a stable parent, home etc]

Evidence evidence evidence
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#6
Sorry its not wanted to hear from the few of us. a lot of people have had so many issues and things happen its unreal and a lot of time we have been able to do nothing and just go guns blazing to get access for children by been calm and having to play the game
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