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My ex hardly lets me see the kids
#1
Myself and my ex split up last year after 20yrs of being together... We have two beautiful boys aged 6 & 8.. We have had one session of mediation but she keeps cancelling the last session... She only lets me see them when she feels like it
I'm trying to get consistency so they they can be with both of us.
I just don't know what to do... I feel I'm losing my children! 
I don't know my rights I just need help!!!!
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#2
Hi Jaikyan

I'm currently on limited power due to storm damage....I've read your post and will reply once it returns. Don't lose heart.
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#3
Hi Jaikyan. Storm knocked the power out and taken me a while to get generator up and running.....however, to help you in your quest with your children, I'm back Smile

Whilst not excusing her behaviour, remember she's hurting too and using the children to get back at you is common behaviour. I've experienced it myself and know how much it rips you apart. In the short term there isn't much you can do except possible ask her to put the kids first, I've no doubt they are missing you too and, in my opinion, she's putting her own selfish desires ahead of the children.

As you are currently going through mediation it's worth sticking with it even if she doesn't attend or it doesn't work. This will work in your favour if you have to take it to the family courts as you'll have shown you have tried other options before you put in your court application. Her non attendance will show the courts that she's not cooperating with you for the kids benefit.

It may mean you are under her control regarding contact in the short term, but once in the court chambers you'll find that control will diminish as the court will direct how things proceed, and this will mean regular contact whilst the case moves forward.

Be aware that the court is only concerned for the welfare of the children, and not you or your ex's desires and wishes. You'll have to play the long game, and unless she cooperates in the short term your access to the kids will be limited. If she is intent on being difficult as a result of your seperation then this will take some time to sort out. My case took virtually 2 years to resolve. Standard access following a court application seems to be every other weekend and half of all holidays. Whilst this may not seem as great as you'd like, it is, in effect, half of all quality time once you take time in education out of the equation.

In the meantime i suggest you keep your cool, no matter what the provocation. Getting angry or aggressive with your ex will only go against you in the longer term, and she'll know her efforts to get at you are working.
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#4
The key to knowing your rights is your status at present.

Do you have PR by being married at the time, or registering the birth? Have any Court Orders or signed agreements been made?
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
Thanks for the reply guys...im not married to her.... I am the father of the children.. I keep arranging dates for mediation but she keeps cancelling them! Can she keep doing this?? CSA tell me I have 50/50 parental responsibility but she keeps stopping me! I feel like I'm losing them!
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#6
You both have PR, but that doesn't give you the right of contact. Kids have rights, parents have responsibilities.

As far as mediation goes, if after three attempts at trying to get her to attend I'd be asking for a letter from the mediators stating appointments arranged but not attended by her which you can then use as a reason to issue a court application.
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#7
(03-30-2016, 06:51 AM)jaikyan Wrote: Thanks for the reply guys...im not married to her.... I am the father of the children.. I keep arranging dates for mediation but she keeps cancelling them! Can she keep doing this?? CSA tell me I have 50/50 parental responsibility but she keeps stopping me! I feel like I'm losing them!

While I accept your the father of the children, it comes down to if you have PR. Are you named on the birth certificate? If not that is the first thing you would have to get sorted.

Assuming you have PR, in the absence of any court order making one of you the resident parent, you both have responsibilites, and her not giving you yours (unless she can prove good reason) will not look good for her when it goes to court, as well as you demonstrating you are being reasononable by trying to get it resolved via mediation.

Obtain prove of her not cooperating from Mediation, and then you need to make a court application.

Any money issues with CSA are not relevent or considered in Family Court
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#8
Hi there , new to this ... Currently going through a tough time ... Separated from my ex partner and my lovely 3 year old daughter who I miss dearly... Going through mediation at the moment .. So far only getting to see my wee one once every three weeks.
She wanted to "inspect " my new flat with her mother before that.
Ideally I would like to see my wee 50/50 but I need to be reasonable - realistically what are my options regarding visits. Head is completely up the left ...
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#9
(04-05-2016, 06:32 PM)Froggy Wrote: Hi there , new to this ... Currently going through a tough time ... Separated from my ex partner and my lovely 3 year old daughter who I miss dearly... Going through mediation at the moment .. So far only getting to see my wee one once every three weeks.
She wanted to "inspect " my new flat with her mother before that.
Ideally I would like to see my wee 50/50 but I need to be reasonable - realistically what are my options regarding visits. Head is completely up the left ...

Since you say ex partner, I am taking it you was not married (the key to it is at time of birth). If you was not, did you register the birth with your ex, and are you named on the certificate. This would mean you have PR. If you do not, you need to get PR ASAP.

The point of mediation is for you to try to work out who the girl lives with, and time spent with other parent. She had no legal right to want to "inspect" your new flat, and there is even less reason for you to have her mum round. However, should this go to court, if she was to claim its not suitable, it would be up to you to prove otherwise. If Caffcas or Socail Services are involved, they would normally visit and record it in a report.

Everyone has there own opinion on suitablity, but there is a big differance between what is needed for contact compaired to a child living their.
You need somewhere for her to sleep, and given her young age, in a seperate bed in the same room as you is acceptable if your flat only has 1 bedroom.
Also need somewhere for her to wash, where you can cook for her and space for daytime living/playing.

If you have the above, if you did agree to her visit she would not be able to use it to hinder any court application should it go that far.

The normal is staying contact every 2 weeks, and half school holidays. However, this does not work for everyone, it depends on any comitments you have, for example work. You are unlickly to get 50/50 due to her young age, unless there is issues with your ex ability/background.

Note child support considers time spend with the none resident parent as well at their ability to pay, so do not let your daughter go short or miss out on anything (if you are able to help, offer/ask your ex if she needs anything), but do not commit to any set amount until contact arrangments are in place.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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