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Christmas Arrangements
#1
Sad 
My Ex and i have been split since our daughter turned 1 and ever since we have always had joint custody - i work extremely hard so i am unfortunately not able to have my daughter more than every other weekend and a couple of nights in the week (she is now 5 and turning 6 in Feb). Every single Christmas since we have split my ex has had our daughter on Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day and has been so bothered about her own feelings she has asked me i can come and pick her up at 7pm most Christmas' by which point my daughter is already asleep or overwhelmed and then i have her through to Boxing Day which as we all know is nowhere near as magical for a child as Christmas eve and Christmas day is. My ex has been in 3 relationships in the past 3 years with 3 different men (not something i agree with for my daughters own confusion) and this year has met a new guy at the beginning of the year who lives about 2 hours away from where we all live so she travels down to see him a lot. This Christmas i have asked to have my daughter on Christmas Eve and i have been told a simple no because she is going to be staying with the new boyfriend and his family instead - so essentially this new man is going to be spending a Christmas morning with MY daughter before i am and my ex's answer was 'i got asked to go down and completely didn't think about you wanting to have her'. How is this fair? my little girl will be almost 7 the next chance i get to have her on Christmas and i am absolutely devastated that this will now be the 5th year in a ROW that i haven't had her on Christmas Eve. Now, i have no problem with this new guy as he seems lovely and i myself have been with my own partner coming up to 4 years who my daughter absolutely adores and we all get on (ex and us). I am a big part of my daughters life; birthdays, Christmas, first days at school and nursery, maintenance, picking her up from school every week and dropping her off and working bloody hard to provide for my daughter and to put a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food on her plate as well as taking her out and making amazing memories with her (apparently something her mother never does with her - according to our daughter - which i am not surprised as my ex likes to go out and get on it almost every weekend and chance she gets) all for my ex to decide that when it suits HER that i cannot have my daughter on Christmas Eve this year as most co parenting parents do! 
I need someone to give me some advice on what i can do to get my daughter this Christmas eve or how i can speak to my ex again and make her realise that surely my daughters family come before her new boyfriends family that my little girl hasn't even known a year yet. I am absolutely devastated and struggling to keep an appetite at the thought of having to go through everything that just suits my ex again rather than what suits my baby girl.
Please any advice i would be extremely grateful for...
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#2
(08-30-2018, 08:22 AM)dad03 Wrote: My Ex and i have been split since our daughter turned 1 and ever since we have always had joint custody - i work extremely hard so i am unfortunately not able to have my daughter more than every other weekend and a couple of nights in the week (she is now 5 and turning 6 in Feb). Every single Christmas since we have split my ex has had our daughter on Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day and has been so bothered about her own feelings she has asked me i can come and pick her up at 7pm most Christmas' by which point my daughter is already asleep or overwhelmed and then i have her through to Boxing Day which as we all know is nowhere near as magical for a child as Christmas eve and Christmas day is. My ex has been in 3 relationships in the past 3 years with 3 different men (not something i agree with for my daughters own confusion) and this year has met a new guy at the beginning of the year who lives about 2 hours away from where we all live so she travels down to see him a lot. This Christmas i have asked to have my daughter on Christmas Eve and i have been told a simple no because she is going to be staying with the new boyfriend and his family instead - so essentially this new man is going to be spending a Christmas morning with MY daughter before i am and my ex's answer was 'i got asked to go down and completely didn't think about you wanting to have her'. How is this fair? my little girl will be almost 7 the next chance i get to have her on Christmas and i am absolutely devastated that this will now be the 5th year in a ROW that i haven't had her on Christmas Eve. Now, i have no problem with this new guy as he seems lovely and i myself have been with my own partner coming up to 4 years who my daughter absolutely adores and we all get on (ex and us). I am a big part of my daughters life; birthdays, Christmas, first days at school and nursery, maintenance, picking her up from school every week and dropping her off and working bloody hard to provide for my daughter and to put a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food on her plate as well as taking her out and making amazing memories with her (apparently something her mother never does with her - according to our daughter - which i am not surprised as my ex likes to go out and get on it almost every weekend and chance she gets) all for my ex to decide that when it suits HER that i cannot have my daughter on Christmas Eve this year as most co parenting parents do! 
I need someone to give me some advice on what i can do to get my daughter this Christmas eve or how i can speak to my ex again and make her realise that surely my daughters family come before her new boyfriends family that my little girl hasn't even known a year yet. I am absolutely devastated and struggling to keep an appetite at the thought of having to go through everything that just suits my ex again rather than what suits my baby girl.
Please any advice i would be extremely grateful for...
Hey dad03, 

She has already made plans for this Christmas, so if i were you i may just let her have this one. Christmas comes around every year, so arrangements for Christmas contact should of been sorted and agreed years ago with maybe slight amendments keeping the interest of the child at heart. 

Going forward you both should consider whether sharing Christmas day is appropriate. I think in your case you should caring on with one parent having your child on Christmas day, and the other on boxing day. That way, the child can essentially have two Christmas. This should then be switch the following year, so that the parent who has the child on Christmas day this year, will have them on boxing day next year, and vice versa.

What is appropriate, or reasonable will vary from case to case and will depend on the individual circumstances. Once an agreement has been reached, it may be worthwhile exchanging emails to confirm what as been agreed so as to avoid any further misunderstanding. 

If you cannot reach an agreement with your ex, you may consider a court order from a judge.
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#3
I would accept your ex having your daughter christmas eve. However i feel after she has had all xmas eve and also christmas day from anything as early as 7 am you should be allowed to have your daughter around 3/4pm christmas day through until boxing day. therefore you would both be able to enjoy spending time with your daughter . If you went to court i cant see them doing a lot other than putting something in place for xmas 2019. she had made plans , but cant see why you cant see your daughter later on in day ..i guess you would have to pick her up from theirs
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