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Mediation madness
#1
Had first mediation session for child arrangements.

STBX narcissist is nuts!

I proposed 50 50 split of time, and how I could feasibly undertake this level of care. She went crazy, accusing me of being a shit father who has never cared for kids. Mediator led her through questions whereby she ultimately stated that the reason she wants kids with her is because she can't do without seeing them.

In front of mediator she threatened to take kids away back to her EU country if I don't agree to her paltry time offer - 33% school holidays and every other Friday to Sunday.

Got home after mediation to find her making huge efforts to exclude me from being with kids.

I don't know how I'm going to cope with this madness. She'll never let me have a normal life after the divorce.

I feel sick with worry.


Edit to add, she has asked to see a letter from my employer that I can work flexitime, wants to know where I propose to live as she wants kids to have a 10 minute walk to school max, and that she should be entitled to see them when she likes when the kids are under my care.
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#2
Listen mate - it's not easy. But once they have to start justifying themselves to people outside of your relationship, independent professionals- they start to look stupid, like she is now. Mediators just want you to agree, you don't have to however. So if she won't give you what you want and you can prove it's a good thing - force the whole affair to go to court Smile
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#3
positives : every other weekend is good ...holidays 33% ..almost 50 % probs could work towards that.

negatives: she cant see kids when she wants whilst they are in your care. she cant ask to see anything from your employer or ask you to provide proof either in way of letter as a court wouldn't ask let that either. its about your availability also when u have your children.
also she cant demand that you live within 10 min walk from school or where u thinking of living. as long as they are at school on time all smart and well cared for she has no say. I think its classed as trying to be controlling!!

If it ever went to court to avoid hostility I would ask to pick kids up from school Friday and drop back to school Monday morning so you have as little to do with ex as possible. If things improve you can agree to change it back to sunday 6pm if suits both parties.
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#4
I think stbx's in general think that they own the child and every aspect of their lives,controlling and coercive behaviour is another form of DV and my ex is a black belt at it.
Initially I let her into my new home so she could see how good it is for our DD and all she did was complain to me

Ive stopped her coming into my house now and cant be arsed with her 2 pages of texts telling me to make sure I have dropped my daughter off on time or picked up and got everything and to let her know daughter is safe
I am single now and when DD is with me she loves the time we have together and it will increase as she gets more pissed off the the controlling behaviour held over her
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#5
I had EXACTLY the same crap in mediation, she made all kinds of prophecies about whether I could manage 50/50. Even dragged up an argument from 5 years previous. Ignore it all mate, its complete rubbish and if she walks into court with that attitude she's got a steep up hill battle.
Absolutely stay calm and dont bite, remain reasonable, and always state the reasons your request is best for child. But dont compromise on 50/50 until the day of final hearing when she will be forced to take stand and defend her bullshit attitude or make an agreement.

The trouble will never go away but with a court order you can get from"you wont see the kids" to everyday crap like "you should have asked my permission" which is far less damaging to deal with. Dont give up


Side note: I just kept saying, since you cant prove any examples of me not being committed in the past Im not going to entertain your prophecies that Ill fail. Dont start pandering to her requests, just remain calm and sensible.
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#6
Quick update.

I've had second mediation session. I'd prepared relevant c100 mediator sign off page in readiness for another shit session. I was pleasantly surprised.

In last session, I proposed 50 50 shared care, and demonstrated how I could feasibly undertake that level of care. If you read my first post, STBX narc wanted the polar opposite for me.

This session she came with a revised proposal: 5 in 14 nights, with an evening with kids in the long week (I suspect her solicitor may have managed her expectations).

Week 1 - Monday overnight, Fri overnight, sat overnight, sun overnight
Week 2 - Monday overnight, Thursday afternoon dinner

I'm tempted to agree to this to avoid court. 5 in 14 is not far off from 7 in 14.

The current sticking points are the holidays. She wants 4 out of 6 weeks in summer, 2 out of 3 half terms. That leaves little time to enjoy kids during their holidays.

I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks.
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#7
i would agree to it all . but ask for 1/2 of summer holidays ...remember to sort xmas and birthday arrangements out.
nice solicitor by way , one of the better ones.. some solicitors offer nothing and will do anything until final hearing on instruction of their client to prevent access. u could end up with in court

only query i would have and maybe a family court would have is week 2 monday overnight?. week 1 you have friday/sat sun overnight so what is point returning your child if you have to pick up same day again. i reckon could be wrong but you are actually get 4 nights out of 14 and no monday overnight on week 2.
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#8
5/14 nights isn’t too bad and leaves time for work and a personal life. Don’t budge on 50/50 holidays however. It’s the minimum you will get in court.
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