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When did the emotional "fog" lift for you?
#31
I'd like to get a flat and go back to that easy lifestyle, but it doesn't serve the kids well. But yes, there'll be beer in the fridge wherever I end up.

It's a bit depressing to see how much I'll have to dump on stamp duty though!
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#32
It's also depressing that we've only just remortgaged to a 5 year fixed rate which is going to have an early redemption fee of somewhere in the region of £5k!

2 bed houses around here can be had from £200k upwards (£210k - £230k will get something reasonable), there's even a few 3 beds up for the £210k mark but I really, really don't want another project house (she can buy that Ha, Ha!).

If I can get get at least £80k & her at least £100k out of the sale (which by my maths equates to a 55/45% split in her favour, based on the middle valuation) than we should both have something to work with.
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#33
I remortgaged for a 5-year term at the end of April! We split up 1/6. She reckons she felt like it for years but let me go and fix the mortgage again, all in my name too.
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#34
I don't know about emotional fog but sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts I do have "moments" like David Jones here:

https://youtu.be/n0eCBVkWFVA

I count myself as very lucky, never married, never shared ownership of a property, but like others here have said I do feel like I have failed my child because the hopes and dreams I had for them growing-up are in certain respects no longer achievable due to ex's completely selfish actions. It's a sad kind of pseudo-mourning for a lost childhood they have yet to even live is the best way I can describe it.

If there's one think I've learnt about the fairer sex it is to observe what sort of relationship they have with their own father before committing.
I know it's up for me. If you steal my sunshine.  Cool
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#35
(09-17-2018, 07:20 PM)Wanderer Wrote: pseudo-mourning for a lost childhood they have yet to even live is the best way I can describe it.

i can definitely relate to that...

i see my daughter running around laughing and playing and its lovely, but inside i feel a real sadness that she isn't going to have the childhood i wanted her to have....

and eventually there will likely be a bloke trying to step into my shoes too....

that might not go down very well...
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#36
You’re going to have to deal with these feelings some day guys or they will eat you.
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#37
HI Guys, First POST, so be gentle..
I have read thru what you have all being going thru and what your Experiences are. WAW... how close to what i am going thru right now are your stories.. Seriously identical!!
I am 44 & have been married for 15 years with 3 KIDS together & ai am still in the same house as her. We are seperated, her choice to do this, her decision etc
My wife is 40 "Just Turned In JUNE" told me 3 weeks ago now that she had a One night stand. I had to beg her to tell me this, as I had the horrible feeling something was going on and she confirmed it. The sec she told me, my whole life fell apart right in front of me.
I am 3-4 weeks into this seperation, and I feel like total SHIT all day and every day. Living a complete nightmare all day and work and in the house and weekends etc.
She is seeing someone else now, as in she has said they are just good friends and nothing physical has happened YET.. I do not believe her and think she has been seeing this guy for a while.Killing me the thought of it all.
I have seen his details on FB, and he is a complete Fuk whit by the looks. The Pics he has and the way he has put himself on there is shocking. But, that is not the reason i wanted to explain things, that's me just getting HURT here and saying.. WHY etc
My question here is WTF do i do, and how do i work this being in the same house as her and the KIDS.
She has said that we can live in house as FRIENDS, I am really not handling this, as i Still love her and still care and look at her and want to be nice etc to try and show her what she is losing. Deep down, I know i have probs lost her. She keeps saying we need time apart etc, and she does not know if she will regret what she is doing and want me back in time.
I can't handle that way of working, i feel she is just wanting to have options...
The house is in my name & my mortgage, and she has not worked as she has been the mother staying at home looking after kids.
They are all at School now.
She has also started a 4 year degree course at UNI, and this was in the plans before the SPLIT.
Deep down, she is living this life style / midlife crisis thing etc, I really do not know & has a guy who lives in a SHIT area in town and from what i can see.... Has fuk all to give her.
I need advice, as i am slowly going insane and worry for my health and my KIDS.
How do i act towards her, and what is best way to move forward..
Looking at a flat to move into, but i am still in the Mind... WHY... I have put everything financial into the house etc
The thought of not seeing my kids in the morning, night and anytime etc KILLS ME....
Help!!  Heart
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#38
@MartiB - you might be better off pasting that into a new thread to get advice about your specific situation. Also search the forum for "move out". Basically don't do it. But we can give better advice just for you in a dedicated thread.
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#39
^^^ What he said, with the emphasis on DON'T move out!
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#40
Marti, probably best to be cruel to be kind in this situation....

That relationship is over.

She's shagged someone else, and now is seeing someone new.

There seems to be a part of you that wants to fix the situation and hopefully get her back. Seems there is part of her that might want the same in the future too.

But, if you do allow her back after all that you will always be wondering if she's going to do it again, and she'll know she can. She'll also likely have a bit less respect for you if you do allow it.

I do really feel for you but I honestly think accepting its over will save you in the long run.

You can keep it cordial but you also have to take a bit of control of the situation and start planning your route moving forward.

I'd also advise swerving FB for a bit.
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