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When did the emotional "fog" lift for you?
#41
(09-18-2018, 12:17 PM)Living Bate Wrote: Marti, probably best to be cruel to be kind in this situation....

That relationship is over.

She's shagged someone else, and now is seeing someone new.

There seems to be a part of you that wants to fix the situation and hopefully get her back. Seems there is part of her that might want the same in the future too.

But, if you do allow her back after all that you will always be wondering if she's going to do it again, and she'll know she can. She'll also likely have a bit less respect for you if you do allow it.

I do really feel for you but I honestly think accepting its over will save you in the long run.

You can keep it cordial but you also have to take a bit of control of the situation and start planning your route moving forward.

I'd also advise swerving FB for a bit.


Have to agree.  My ex has also been seeing someone else. It's over, but I suspect there might be another one already.  Even now, my heart thinks she'll come back and I want her to want me again.  But I try to listen to my head and my head says she doesn't deserve me, for a start, and it would be entirely wrong to take her back anyway.  I respect myself and I want others to respect me. It isn't just pride.  The mental torture I'd put myself through would kill me.
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#42
(09-18-2018, 02:35 PM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: Have to agree.  My ex has also been seeing someone else. It's over, but I suspect there might be another one already.  Even now, my heart thinks she'll come back and I want her to want me again.  But I try to listen to my head and my head says she doesn't deserve me, for a start, and it would be entirely wrong to take her back anyway.  I respect myself and I want others to respect me. It isn't just pride.  The mental torture I'd put myself through would kill me.

This is so true, I took 10 months getting to the point where I suggested to my ex that we should do trial of getting back together, she flip-flopped so much (she would then she wouldn't, all the time still seeing the other guy) I had to knock it on the head and get divorced. Even now I miss her humour, her touch, but I know it would be foolish to get back with her.

Forgetting the fact that they've had other men's cocks in them (which is bad enough, all by itself!) they have shown unbelievably bad judgement, really bad judgement and how the hell could you trust someone with that poor judgement, really?

Its not just the possibility that they'll jump on another bloke when our backs are turned. Come the day I need someone to make the right decision about turning the life support off, or donating my organs or which care home to put me in I need someone who has good judgement in my corner...
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#43
I lost control of the inner chimp momentarily yesterday evening when an attempted conversation about CMS payments quickly went off on a tangent (I could write paragraphs of how difficult it is to maintain an adult conversation with her when she neither listens nor shuts up, another day for that though).

I'd literally given up & shut down, just heard the background noise of her reeling off more things I'd said that were apparently wrong, when my brain failed me & I told her that I don't give a shit about her anymore & the only 2 people in the house I care about now are upstairs playing in thier bedrooms.

She promptly fucked off out, no doubt to her not very savvy yet poisonous friend.

Probably not my best moment of late & I almost messaged her from work to, pretty much, apologise for saying that & blaming it on high emotions.

Got back from work today & pretty much got blanked by her. I'm sat having a pint down the local right now & you know what? I think that subconscious outburst of mine was the plain truth, I honestly feel like I don't give a flying fuck about her!
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#44
So it damned well should be!!
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#45
(09-18-2018, 05:27 PM)DanDad Wrote: I lost control of the inner chimp momentarily yesterday evening when an attempted conversation about CMS payments quickly went off on a tangent (I could write paragraphs of how difficult it is to maintain an adult conversation with her when she neither listens nor shuts up, another day for that though).

I'd literally given up & shut down, just heard the background noise of her reeling off more things I'd said that were apparently wrong, when my brain failed me & I told her that I don't give a shit about her anymore & the only 2 people in the house I care about now are upstairs playing in thier bedrooms.

She promptly fucked off out, no doubt to her not very savvy yet poisonous friend.

Probably not my best moment of late & I almost messaged her from work to, pretty much, apologise for saying that & blaming it on high emotions.

Got back from work today & pretty much got blanked by her. I'm sat having a pint down the local right now & you know what? I think that subconscious outburst of mine was the plain truth, I honestly feel like I don't give a flying fuck about her!
These are the responses required sometimes bud, there's a time frame in all of us that we will reach and feel that fuck it feeling some sooner than others, most of us have been with the same partners for years on here from what iv'e read and we're bound to miss some of the qualities they had/have... but hey it's not the reason to be down and miserable, grab life by the horns and enjoy the ride of your life ...most of us seemed to be held back by our ex's yet we're dragging ourselves down by the past, i'd like to say the futures bright for all, more freedom, live to YOUR ideals, better time with your kids although less its more fun as you don't take them for granted as before, we need a xmas get together ...what ya think ????

(09-14-2018, 01:43 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(09-14-2018, 01:16 PM)pazzer1973 Wrote: I've had the regrettably force the sale of the home though this week as I'm getting messed about ridiculously...

Any idea how long that thing takes?...

I've just had to issue my Statement of Case for the divorce petition so that I can request an Order For Sale....

I need that house sold but it just feels like its going to take ages and its frustrating as fuck....

no idea bud .... she's changed her tune AGAIN now .... fucked off with her new fella to basingstoke the other day, left the kids.. apparently went her parents in Worcester to sort her head out ,,, more bullshit though, left receipts at home ... so shit at covering her tracks, plus her new fella was in our town in the afternoon she decided she needed some head space ...pathetic creature, ..
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#46
I have only just caught up with this whole thread. There is something in almost every post that speaks to me. My experience of the first few months was pretty much like everybody else's. But through a mixture of emotions and circumstances I am pretty much stuck almost a year on. For one thing the divorce papers were lost in the system for 6 months and nobody told me so I had no idea until a few weeks ago that she is divorcing me. The second thing is as the same time I found out people started treating me differently.  

Up until now it's been almost no contact and all communications from me have been ignored. All of a sudden my son is in regular touch for the first time like nothing happened. This seems to have encouraged my wife to think it's important to communicate. But the messages are so mixed and it's not at all clear what is going on. She says she likes being independent and can't go back to being married. But she wants to have a close friendship. If I say I think it's not realistic she goes on about it's been really hard (crying) and it matters so much that I am here.

Part of me thinks typical female cake-ism: wants a divorce and it'll screw me but she wants to feel good about herself doing it. But there are lots of (convincing) tears and part of me thinks hang on let's not be too cynical. As a result I am still in emotional limbo AKA denial and getting pretty miffed about it.
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#47
Jim - women are strange emotional creatures, my ex-wife wants to be 'friends'... still "its so good that we can stay friends" she'll say to me gaily as I mumble obscenities under my breath. My first post marriage girlfriend effectively dumped me (well, she went so cold and aloof we had to finish) and as soon as that happened she says she " we want to be friends right" and starts texting me. I think women are just hardwired to have a back-up plan that relies on emotion and friendships, think about it... in caveman days men just go around using force to get what they want, women rely on emotional and communicative relationships, as they normally cant use force.
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#48
I can vouch for this. My ex moves out this weekend. As far as I know she's seeing someone else - a second person since we split up. But last week was suggesting we could go away as a family at Xmas.
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#49
(09-19-2018, 08:57 AM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: I can vouch for this.  My ex moves out this weekend.  As far as I know she's seeing someone else - a second person since we split up.  But last week was suggesting we could go away as a family at Xmas.

Its weird - really weird, how many things are similar. My ex wife had to move back into the house for a couple of weeks after we split up as was looking for a flat with her new fancy-man (had an affair with him). No word of a lie, she came in to see me in the kitchen one morning and said she needed my help urgently as she'd messed up with Match.com and posted her email address on her profile!! And yes she wanted us to go away for new year to London....
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#50
(09-19-2018, 08:42 AM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Jim - women are strange emotional creatures, my ex-wife wants to be 'friends'... still "its so good that we can stay friends" she'll say to me gaily as I mumble obscenities under my breath. My first post marriage girlfriend effectively dumped me (well, she went so cold and aloof we had to finish) and as soon as that happened she says she " we want to be friends right" and starts texting me. I think women are just hardwired to have a back-up plan that relies on emotion and friendships, think about it... in caveman days men just go around using force to get what they want, women rely on emotional and communicative relationships, as they normally cant use force.


She seems incredibly keen that I don't think certain things: 1) that her reasons for divorcing are 'shallow' 2) that the only reason she feels like being friends now is she basically doesn't give a monkeys one way or the other 3) that she's not a typical woman like I read about on sites like this. 

She wants me to understand: 1) that it matters all the time we had together 2) it matters that I was still there sending her money all the time she was ignoring me. She says she wants it to be that I always feel I can ring her up at 2 o'clock in the morning. That's going to go down fantastic if either of us get a new partner.

She says 1) it's been terrible for her 2) she's not interested in other blokes. But she's looking younger and better than she did before she left me. Apparently so do I but I am still 2 belt notches down from when this business started.
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