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New Boyfriend bad influence
After 6 week's of being separated from my ex she has now found a new lover boy ' No surprise there ' but she is having him over when my 3 year old is sleeping and drinking beer and smoking the illegal stuff as i found by accident a empty beer can's and the end of a joint in the bin ..

She does not know that i know about the new man and she does not know that i know about the beer and joint as i kept it to myself as i am seeing my boy regularly and i dont want to jeopardise that.

Should i have a quiet word with her and tell her what she does in her time away from our boy is her business but it's unacceptable to do that when our boy is sleeping in the next room?

Or should i wait until i get mediation done and i get what contact i am after before i approach her as i dont want to risk making her angry and defensive and give her any ammunition to try and stop the contact i am having now

What would you guys do, if you need more info please ask

I'd certainly consider getting the evidence if she's leaving joint ends where you can find them. Smoking in or around the house is bad enough, but dope? I've been warned not to overlook this as once you're aware, you're being negligent by not tackling it.

As it happens, my ex has a weed problem. I chose to gather evidence but avoid confrontation while she was here. Now that she's moved out, if I smell it at her new place I'll be much more assertive. One of her neighbours could easily call social services.
The problem is you can have a word with her and do whatever else. nothing will get done about it and all that could end up happening is you wont be able to see your 3 year old child . your ex will become hostile and make your life a misery. But if dads do it thats a different kettle of fish.
Pfff. I'm torn. A couple of beers and a joint are not the same as passing out drunk or smoking weed consistently and  or in front of the kids. Be aware of going in too strong and getting bad push back over nothing.
I don't have an issue with weed. Just don't like it in the family home.
I don't have an issue with weed either but there's a time & a place around kids.

As has been said, drinking excessively & passing out/playing up in front of kids is wrong & I don't believe that weed should be smoked indoors anywhere that there are children living. My STBX smokes the stuff, only after the boys are in bed & only in the "Man Cave" down the end of the garden.

We drink sociably in front of our kids on various occasions so if it's just a couple of empty cans then you may not have enough reason to argue it. If we're talking regular, excessive drinking then that's a different matter.
You're not going to be able to raise the drink and weed with her without a confrontation, especially as you found out by looking in a bin which will come across as snooping.

I would try and influence her indirectly by casually telling her about the environment you have in your place when your son is with you. How you like it to be healthy, clean and any smoking is done outside. It's all about what you're doing to benefit your son, with no hint you know what she is doing.

Setting her an example and showing you have high standards for him when he is with you may influence her to improve. That is about all the control you have.

Also I would look at your own motivations in this - is this really about drink and weed, or more about the fact she has a new lover?
I dont think anyone would like an ex partner and her new partner smoking weed whilst children are in house. its disgusting. would i do anything about it cause no authority or anybody else will act on it and all that happens is you dont get to see your children, false allegations made up and loads of family court appearances. even speaking to ex quietly will more than likely see you be ignored.
Let's be honest - smoking weed is better for you than drinking booze, and plenty of people do that in front of their kids. It's only the puritanical prohibition exported from the states that has made things that way.

Regardless, it's excessive use of anything which is potentially a problem. A few cans of beer and a joint isn't that and no agency will listen to complaints about that because it's really not a problem. Save your energy for things that you need to fight over.
Thank you so much everyone and i will just monitor the situation and keep what i know to myself ' maybe for another day' but it's best i don't rock the boat at the moment while i see my boy nearly every day and save my energy for any more battle's down the road.

I appreciate all the comment's..THANK YOU


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