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FINAL CHILDREN HEARING ADVICE
#1
Hello dads,

In my relationship I have bene the "mother". I gave away my career to stay with the kids. Wife went crazy and in bed with another man and asked for divorce for no reason. We closed the financial matters last week and I was staggered by her lies and the lies of her solicitors, I mean the law should not allow solicitor to say in Court things that are factually wrong. Happy to share my knowledge on other pages of this forum on this.

Anyway now the focus is in the kids. I have asked to be the main carer as I have always been but wife is against clearly for money reason, she earns in excess of  £300,000 a year and so she will have to pay a lot of children maintenance. My solicitor said before the trial she might offer a 50-50 custody so she has to pay nothing but I will not be happy with this.

She has a QC Barrister that apparently cost £15,000 a day. I have a good solicitor but definitely not so expensive/experienced but seems to be good. SHOULD I BE CONCEARNED?

She is genetically not a mother and cannot stand the kids for more than 5 min. As soon as I left the family home she recruited a full time live in nanny. She has 52 jobs commitments including being a non executive board member of several companies including a bank in Dublin, a FT100 financial firm, a company in New York a and one in Poland. She is saying she will be working from home.....
She has always loved travelling and last year she was in the UK 50 days out of 365! And unfortunately for my kids I doubt she will change her habits. 

My solicitor told me to be ready that Judges favour women but I cannot believe this will be my case. I am currently unemployed and seeing my kids at alternate WE, alternate Wednesdays and had them for 11 day is August and will have them for 11 days in October and then for Xmas.
I am trying to get a job as a financial advisor that will gave me the flexibility to bring and collect my kids in school.

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE SUPPORT FOR MY FINAL HEARING. THIS WILL BE A PROPER TRIAL WHERE THE OTHER PARTY BARRISTER WILL INTERROGATE ME FOR HOURS.

All the best,

F
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#2
From what you wrote you will not be able to be main carer i am afraid. 50/50 is probs the best you can hope for but maybe even less. problem you have is that your ex partner is main carer now so that will likely remain so. it looks likely from what you wrote it will be every other weekend and 1 or 2 days during week and half of all holiday with special events shared or she may offer you the 50/50 which will be slightly more . being that she is so busy anyway isnt it likely once u agreed child arrangements you may get offered more days anyway.
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#3
I have always been the main carer for years till March this year when with false accusation she prevented me to come back to the family house.
A judge will think that my children are better off with a nanny than the father?
My barrister although cautious have given me decent chances but advised me that family judges have a lot of freedom in deciding and can go either way
. There is no logical reason why my ex wife should have the children. She even has problems with alcohol and have proves that she is spending time with the new partner just drinking and even on Wednesday gave wine to my 2 years old. Nobody was killed but I do not drink alcohol at all and I would not give it to my children.
More importantly I have letters and witness statements from schools and nannies saying that my ex wife did not go once to collect the children in schools. She even refused to share the travelling when the children are with me.
The children are attached more to me than the mother. I do not want to limit access to the mother but to be the main carer and give her full access to our beautiful kids when she is available. I do not see the point on giving them to a nanny.

The fact that she recruited the most expensive Barrister on the market is a sign that she is worried. or at least this is what I have been told.

F
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#4
I am very confident if you are not chasing maintenance off her you would probably get a lot more access. i guess if she has to pay you maintenance it would be better for her to have a 50/50 arrangement where nobody would get anything i guess. maybe thats what you should go for 50/50 shared care, she will probably end up giving u more anyway as long as u dont want maintenance. them school reports will help a lot and nanny reports as u could argue that nannies are been asked to care for your children and pick them up from school when you are capable of doing it yourself.
if the children live with you she should of been picking and dropping them off as well. it ashame you havent got proof of a 2 year old having wine as that is awful behaviour from their mum
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#5
(09-26-2018, 04:44 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: I am very confident if you are not chasing maintenance off her you would probably get a lot more access. i guess if she has to pay you maintenance it would be better for her to have a 50/50 arrangement where nobody would get anything i guess. maybe thats what you should go for  50/50 shared care, she will probably end up giving u more anyway as long as u dont want maintenance. them school reports will help a lot and nanny reports as u could argue that nannies are been asked to care for your children and pick them up from school when you are capable of doing it yourself.
if the children live with you she should of been picking and dropping them off as well. it ashame you havent got proof of a 2 year old having wine as that is awful behaviour from their mum

Thanks. From what I know you should be right. The mother wants 50-50 since has a massive income while I am unemployed and really does not care that much about our kids. She has a full time live in nanny since she has no other choice given her high flyer career in the City.

Still I am not sure about a few points and my expensive solicitors do not say much in advance:
1) my children are very small: 2 and 5. I have been told that UK Judges do not like 50-50 in this situation. Although our houses are 1 miles away and I am next to the school kids so it easy to implement.
2) my understanding is that there can be only one main carer? which is the one entitled to children maintenance? I have always been the main carer, my ex has never taken the kids to school, doctors, friends, activities and still has not changed. this is why I want to be the main carer even if 50-50 and I do not get any money.

Divorcing is really tough especially when the ex is like evil!

F
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#6
This is what you need to tell family courts. You love your children, you obviously will need to claim child tax credits and housing benefit and u want 50-50 as u want to play a huge part in their lives. u can prove this by providing a letter from school and from a previous nanny.

You could say i am willing to have it put in order i am not wanting child maintenance from mum or to follow it up.
If you tell your ex that she might be up for the idea for shared care . she wouldnt get any benefits with a 300 k a week wage anyway. more likely she will offload u on them more if shes that busy travelling the world instead of spending time with children
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#7
Just to let you know that I went to Court this Monday after 2 cancellations. I decided not to fight for full custody which could have been a likely outcome base on my legal team advice. My ex wife Barrister immediately offered 50 -50 share cared and after reflecting on it I have accepted it. It is probably the best for my kids so overall satisfied. The mother still retain a full time live in nanny (and a criminal lover) but I hope my children will see the mother when they are at her house.
the pattern is 2-5 , 2-5. a bit complicated but will get used to it.

My advice for friends is to never marry in the UK, or move to the UK if married. My divorce solicitor is not married.....this says it all to me! Absurd that in the UK if married the wife has loads of rights even if she has been the cause of the divorce and has behaved badly. On the other end if not married the partner has 0 rights. Absurd, but after all this it the country that invented Brexit!
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#8
That sounds like a brilliant outcome to be honest. It puts you both on an equal basis legally and you won't have the same issues that a lot of Dads have of the Mother having "Residency" and calling all the shots. It's probably best for the kids too - even if they do get left with nannies, they get to experience different ways of life.

The main thing is, your kids legally "live with" you - with both parents. That makes life a heck of a lot easier. IS it 2-5 2-5 = or 2-2-5-5?

The thing is - if she ever disappears or there are issues, they already live with you 50/50 so if you ever need to apply for residency for serious issues, then it makes it easier.
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#9
@Fram. Please would you (and anyone else in Here )respond to this consultation. There is a rare focus on the living standards of non resident parents.

https://www.gov.uk/government/consultati...ts#fnref:1
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