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Confused About What I Even Want Now
#1
From my early twenties I had an average of relationship a year....normally lasting about a year, sometimes less sometimes a bit more......

I was working out what I wanted from a woman I guess.....bedroom antics were important in all of them, some more than others.....some were with girls I felt I had a lot in common with, some I felt worked because opposites attract....sometimes the L word was used, sometimes it wasn't......some were heavily sociable - going to events together with friends and stuff.....some were more recluse and romantic....some were clearly well experienced in the bedroom, some not so much.......etc...

anyway....

eventually I found someone I thought was marriage material....she was cute and bubbly, we had a lot in common, the sex was acceptable...I could see us growing old together.....we made big commitments.....

now i'm posting on here because she has ruined my life.....

i don't even know what I want from a woman anymore......I thought I had it sussed.....
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#2
I met mine when I was 24. I suppose I'd had 3 "proper" relationships prior to that, all lasting around the 2 year mark & plenty of FWB's in-between. The longer lasting of those were those whom I'd enjoyed the best sex with it seems looking back. I will say 100% that my STBX was the resounding best in that department (for a good few years anyway). 

I've never considered marriage & never will (which with hindsight I'm glad about) & although we were pretty fiery at times (she could hold her own as much as I could) I was happy enough with the partnership & had pride in our family being together while constantly being surrounded by single Mothers & part-time Fathers. I guess the reality is that when the physical side of things started drying up over the last few years I found myself more & more absorbed in the material things we had & earning the money to have nice "stuff" as opposed to trying to work out what was going wrong with the relationship. That, in hindsight, was my failing but to this day she still doesn't want to listen, let alone accept, any of hers.

What do I want now? I don't really know long term but I feel pretty beaten up over all of this & I haven't even got to the point where we've actually sold the house & moved on separately yet. In the one hand I'm dreading it, more for the fact of not being with my boys every day than being with her but in the other, I'm looking forward to just being able to be me without treading on egg shells everyday in case an argument breaks out & ultimately failing to hold my temper when the niggles began.

Sex? Hell yes! It's been about 4 months for me now & I can absolutely say that's the longest I've gone without since I was about 16 so I guess I know what I want from the next woman short term, as far as long term goes I don't think I'm interested in anything serious for a while yet so hopefully I'll hook up with some like minded MILF's for a while!  Wink
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#3
Its a difficult one - I just wanted a loyal loving woman to grow old with and have some kids, we had one and then she had an affair for eight years, its easy to have a kneejerk and push back on all the qualities she had or didn't have, so I end up looking for the polar opposite in all areas, and actually she was pretty good in most areas and it was only one that was messed up.

Since splitting I've sort of bounced around between intelligent high achieving women (harder work but rewarding) and modestly intelligent women with modest jobs - medical receptionists mostly (easy but unrewarding). I'm going with the women who are harder work, there are fewer of them so easier to sort, and it keeps me on my toes...
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#4
Maybe you don't need anything right now. You want to be able to "Know Thyself" as the saying goes, so when / if you do meet anyone, you know who you are and can coherently articulate that to someone else.

Don't rush
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#5
(10-10-2018, 12:40 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: Don't rush

I can't rush....I haven't even got a place to invite a woman back to right now...



(10-10-2018, 12:29 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: I just wanted a loyal loving woman to grow old with and have some kids


Thats how I felt......and it seemed like the right time with the right person....
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#6
Met my STBX when I was 23 after having had 2 'serious relationships' prior to that (17 to 20 with a lunatic who wanted to control every aspect of my life, and then 20 to 23 with a rebound who I should never have been with in the first place).

It was my STBX's 21st birthday party when we met and we absolute hit it off. After a couple of years I didn't see anyone else filling my life so I proposed and the rest is history.

Fast forward to me being 42 and I'm living with my mum which is an awful place to be, she still treats me like a child and we argue all the time. I can't wait to get out. She spends more time telling my brother and sister that she wants me out than anything else.

Fortunately I met a stunning little blonde thing 5 weeks after I left my STBX and other than a blip where she was confused about our relationship and made a dumb decision by briefly going back on a dating site we've been good since. She's the stability I need in my life and the sex is mind-blowing (compared to my sack-of-spuds STBX at least). Things have never been better with her and long may that continue.

What do I want from my life these days? I just want to wake up with a smile on my face, and currently my GF gives me that and more. We've talked about a future together and we both seem to be singing from the same sheet at the moment.
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#7
(10-12-2018, 07:38 AM)Gra76 Wrote: Fast forward to me being 42 and I'm living with my mum which is an awful place to be.

Fortunately I met a stunning little blonde thing 5 weeks after I left my STBX and other than a blip where she was confused about our relationship and made a dumb decision by briefly going back on a dating site we've been good since. She's the stability I need in my life and the sex is mind-blowing

How do you manage that situation when you are living with your mum but still having a healthy sexual relationship with your new girl?

I feel negative about a date from the beginning knowing if its all going well I've got nowhere to invite her back to.





(10-12-2018, 07:38 AM)Gra76 Wrote: What do I want from my life these days? I just want to wake up with a smile on my face

I want that too.....but I feel its difficult to do that without waking up and seeing my daughter....

I feel like i'm being a shit dad by not being there for her....
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#8
(10-12-2018, 08:14 AM)Living Bate Wrote: How do you manage that situation when you are living with your mum but still having a healthy sexual relationship with your new girl?

I feel negative about a date from the beginning knowing if its all going well I've got nowhere to invite her back to.

Fortunately my GF has her own place so we spend all our time there, she was very understanding of my situation. I don't pretend it's perfect but I'm round there 5 nights one week and 3 nights the next so I don't have to 'go without' for long. After nearly 6 months of seeing each other we're still having sex at least twice every time we see each other, we seem to be very compatible in that department!

We're both looking forward to me having my own place, for a change of scenery if nothing else!

As for being a shit dad for not being there for your daughter, don't ever feel that way. I felt that way for a few weeks and it used to upset me a lot. I had days where I had to pull the car over because I was so upset I couldn't see for the tears. That passes though, and now I'm more determined than ever to make the absolute most of the time we get together.
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#9
Sounds like you landed on your feet there Gra......i'm hoping to land back there at some point....

Even as i'm writing this i'm getting angry emails from the enemy trying to squeeze me for money and accusing me of not caring about my daughter.....I need this negativity out of my life!!!.....I don't know how I got this woman so wrong......

I've always loved having my own place and being able to invite ladies and friends round for drinks etc.....

Without my castle i feel like there is a void in my life.....and my ability to move on....

Once I have that back I feel I will be in a better position to establish what it is I want.....
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#10
(10-12-2018, 09:44 AM)Living Bate Wrote: Sounds like you landed on your feet there Gra......i'm hoping to land back there at some point....

Even as i'm writing this i'm getting angry emails from the enemy trying to squeeze me for money and accusing me of not caring about my daughter.....I need this negativity out of my life!!!.....I don't know how I got this woman so wrong......

Don't worry, you'll get there. I don't feel like I'm quite there yet but I'm closer than I have been in a long time. My 'enemy' has emailed me this morning to shift the goalposts yet again on our agreement relating to the house. She's able to buy out a large chunk (80%) of my equity and I'm arranging with her that I get the balance when she remortgages later down the line. I originally said in 10 years maximum (gives her time to get a couple of 5 year fixed mortgages out of the way) but she's said 12 years as wants a 2 year fixed first, followed by a couple of 5 year fixed after that. I've told her if that's the case I'll expect the money in 7 years.... let's see how that goes!

Bloody women mate, you never really know them till you split up with them...
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