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Trying My Best
#1
Morning all,
So I've been out of the house for just over 4 months now with my child having regular every other weekend stay overs as well as every Wednesday night stay overs, and my ex and I are being very amicable / respectful with each other, so in that respect I am very lucky.  
However, try as I might to get over the loss of my family and the feeling that my world has collapsed (going to counselling, joining the gym, reconnecting with old friends etc etc.) I still can not seem to get my head around what's happened and how this is the new "normal"; it just feels so wrong.  
I'm taking one day at a time and not allowing myself to wallow my thoughts on what if's and should / could haves and I know I'm on the right path but I'd really appreciate some words of advice on how to get through it all and for the sharing of any tips other dads might be doing.
Just a quick one... this forum has proved invaluable and has helped so much.
Thanks in advance.
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#2
MrM,

I'm almost 3 months further into it than you. It is a very difficult situation to find yourself in. I have days where I begrudgingly accept whats happened and come to terms with the situation. Then the next morning I could literally wake up thinking WTF?!?

I'd love to give you some really good words of advice but unfortunately I'm still in the thick of it myself. All I can say is that I do find it important to spend time with friends. I've always felt better the day after a night out with friends (even if I have been hungover). I'll have a little vent when i'm giving them the latest at the beginning, then i'll just go on to have a laugh and try and forget my problems for a few hours.

Just those few hours not thinking about it really are helpful.
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#3
Cheers LivingBate,

Sorry to hear you're still going through it all too - everyone says "it's time that'll make the difference" I just wish time would hurry up!!! I too wake up with a WTF moment more than I'd like but less than I was, so I guess that means it is getting better.

Spending quality time with my true friends has been so helpful and refreshing, as I lost touch with quite a few of them too - so yeah, I'm in total agreement with you about the importance of this and venting once in a while.

It's all just so brutal though, especially as dads are seen as skipping off into the sunset and "loving" their new single life... it could not be further from the truth.
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#4
yeh my WTF's are happening less all the time.......like you say I guess that means its getting better....

chatting to my friends about the situation also helps reaffirm the madness of my situation and the craziness of her behaviour...

brutal is the word.....and what makes the brutality even more brutal is that its being inflicted by someone who was my best friend for 4 years....

did you both agree to the split or was it enforced upon you?
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#5
We both agreed with a subtle nudge from her... It is for the best though as, being honest, we weren't as happy as we should have been and it would have lead to an unhappy house in the future. And, both wanting the best for our child, and each other I guess, we decided it best if we seperated... a happy mum and dad equals a happy child.

Doesn't for a second stop it from hurting in a way I never felt possible.

But yeah, one minute you're planning the rest of your life together and welcoming a baby into the world... the next it's all completely different.
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#6
(10-19-2018, 12:19 PM)MrM Wrote: But yeah, one minute you're planning the rest of your life together and welcoming a baby into the world... the next it's all completely different.

yeh mine really was planning too.....right up to the last minute...

what pisses me off is the amount of time i invested in her family....i borderline neglected mine because i was putting so much time into them...i spent endless amounts of time with them, i went on holidays with them, took her dad to the football, was getting invited to gigs by her brother in law, on whats app groups with her sisters.....i rarely even grumbled when they'd call round to the house with about 5 minutes warning....

they all just turned their back on me when she did.....

my life really did become completely different in the blink of an eye...
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#7
That behaviour you're describing of her family would definitely make you question the genuine nature of their relationships with you when you were together... considering they could turn their backs on you so quickly.

I've kept my communication open, but not exactly active, with my ex's parents as ultimately, they're my child's grandparents and I want to be able to speak with them as my child grows up and, truth be told, we all did get along and they're good positive role models.

Meh... what a mess eh!
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#8
Yeh they were all very friendly towards me and invited me to everything etc....I think the dad and brother in law were genuine....but she is one of 3 sisters...I think if they upset one of the sisters they get the wrath all of them so its easier to just ignore me and keep them all happy..

but with the others I think you may be right.....

it is a mess.....mostly a mess for me though.....her life doesnt seem to have been impacted very much...

one thing about my situation is that she doesnt even seem sad about any of it......she's just angry..

it really is bizarre....even after all these months...
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#9
It's the loss of the "extended" family too... people you shared great moments with... all adds to how tough it is.

The best we can do is be as strong as possible for our kid(s)... happy daddy means a happy child.

Stay strong, Brother
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#10
You too brother . .

Its been a big help finding this place. I went on mumsnet at first, mostly looking for advice on the antidepressants she suddenly stopped taking. They tore me a new one and made me feel worse.

Never again!
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