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Who Tried Reconciliation?
#1
So as i sit here just over 2 weeks into separation it just got me thinking out of all of you who tried  reconciliation after a separation period?

I know I'm just clutching at straws in the hope of the disney ending, but just to know how many tried.

I also know this dosent mean happy endings
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#2
(11-05-2018, 03:12 PM)Broken Man Wrote: So as i sit here just over 2 weeks into separation it just got me thinking out of all of you who tried  reconciliation after a separation period?

I know I'm just clutching at straws in the hope of the disney ending, but just to know how many tried.

I also know this dosent mean happy endings

I'm sure majority of the people did, especially those ones who got the plugs pulled out on...I certainly did for good couple of months only to realize it was falling into deaf ears and that the other person has moved on ( at least from decision making perspective, not necessarily mentally) at which point I had to do some reality check and accepted the new reality. It kind of became little easier to deal with after I accepted it although I still mourned the loss of family, still do.
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#3
Mine was an awkward one, when the shit first hit the fan she didn't immediately come out with "it's over" but instead took to sleeping on my eldest lads bedroom floor, refusing to discuss anything with me & point blank refusing to listen to anything I said that involved my feelings (it was all "it's not about you, I don't want to hear anything about you"). She said she'll talk when she's ready.

I just kind of got on with things in the hope that it was a passing phase.

She was buggering off to her friends every night, making sure she was out late so I'd be in bed when she got home. I finally had enough about a month down the line, waited up for her (she got back about 1:30am) & point blank said I need to know what's going on & I need to know now. That's when she came out with it, we were over & there's nothing that I could do to change her mind. She added to that things like "don't threaten to kill yourself, don't write me letters, don't try to change my mind as my ex did that & it won't work"!

So I didn't, I just kind of slowly accepted it. Maybe I shouldn't have done, maybe I should've gone all out with trying but in a way I didn't want to as I know she would've looked down on me for that & she would've gotten a feeling of control.

Ironically (& I mentioned this in another thread here somewhere), about a month later when we were arguing about something she said "anyone else would've been on their knees begging by now"! Hello, you fucking told me not to!!!
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#4
(11-05-2018, 03:32 PM)SeanS Wrote:
(11-05-2018, 03:12 PM)Broken Man Wrote: So as i sit here just over 2 weeks into separation it just got me thinking out of all of you who tried  reconciliation after a separation period?

I know I'm just clutching at straws in the hope of the disney ending, but just to know how many tried.

I also know this dosent mean happy endings

I'm sure majority of the people did, especially those ones who got the plugs pulled out on...I certainly did for good couple of months only to realize it was falling into deaf ears and that the other person has moved on ( at least from decision making perspective, not necessarily mentally) at which point I had to do some reality check and accepted the new reality. It kind of became little easier to deal with after I accepted it although I still mourned the loss of family, still do.

Posters are not going to be a reliable guide to the likelihood of reconciliation because most of us are coming from a place where it didn't happen or isn't likely to. But statistically the marriages of some of us posting are likely to survive. According to my solicitor it's more likely than some of us might expect. I don't think it's clutching at straws in the hope of a Disney ending. It's possible it's a realistic or at least hopeful appraisal of your own situation.
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#5
Hi I tried for two months, every thing I could think off to get her to stay, but I was pissing into the wind, the mind was made up and that was that.
How a woman can go from nicey nicey lovey dovey
To a hard faced cow beats me
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#6
I think its just a low point today, seen the wife and kids on saturday she come over to talk to me as there isn't any bad feelings between us just lost love.
I haven't made contact for 48 hours now and its knocking me down, on the plus side my 13 year old son keeps calling and texting everyday.

I feel the more time i stay away for contact the further away i am from reconciling, its such a fine line if you don't contact them then you obviously not that bothered.
Contact them and its your not giving me space I've already told you i don't love you anymore!!
So much free time on your hands can make you second guess yourself.
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#7
(11-05-2018, 03:39 PM)DanDad Wrote: don't write me letters, don't try to change my mind as my ex did that & it won't work

I never tried to change her mind because I could see she was a different person. I didn't / don't want to be with this version of her.

I did write a letter though. It was well thought out and I took quite a long time writing it. Revising and editing it numerous times. 

I never gave it to her in the end though and i'm glad I didn't. For all I know it could've been paraded around her family for their amusement.

I found writing it quite cathartic though.
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#8
(11-05-2018, 04:06 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-05-2018, 03:39 PM)DanDad Wrote: don't write me letters, don't try to change my mind as my ex did that & it won't work

I never tried to change her mind because I could see she was a different person. I didn't / don't want to be with this version of her.

I did write a letter though. It was well thought out and I took quite a long time writing it. Revising and editing it numerous times. 

I never gave it to her in the end though and i'm glad I didn't. For all I know it could've been paraded around her family for their amusement.

I found writing it quite cathartic though.

Whilst I completely understand writing the letter and not giving that to her - i wrote not one, not 2 but 8 freaking letters ! Everyone of them was met with disdain and in some case ridicule ! And sure it was shared with ex'es mom and some more ridicule. BUT guess what if I were to face the same situation, I'm sure I would still write to her - me personally at least I would go down fighting ( may be one letter this time not 8)
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#9
(11-05-2018, 04:19 PM)SeanS Wrote:
(11-05-2018, 04:06 PM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-05-2018, 03:39 PM)DanDad Wrote: don't write me letters, don't try to change my mind as my ex did that & it won't work

I never tried to change her mind because I could see she was a different person. I didn't / don't want to be with this version of her.

I did write a letter though. It was well thought out and I took quite a long time writing it. Revising and editing it numerous times. 

I never gave it to her in the end though and i'm glad I didn't. For all I know it could've been paraded around her family for their amusement.

I found writing it quite cathartic though.

Whilst I completely understand writing the letter and not giving that to her - i wrote not one, not 2 but 8 freaking letters ! Everyone of them was met with disdain and in some case ridicule ! And sure it was shared with ex'es mom and some more ridicule. BUT guess what if I were to face the same situation, I'm sure I would still write to her - me personally at least I would go down fighting ( may be one letter this time not 8)
To be honest i feel exactly like that but know its pointless at the moment to even try to write a letter.
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#10
(11-05-2018, 04:19 PM)SeanS Wrote: i wrote not one, not 2 but 8 freaking letters !

In different circumstances I might have done similar. Instead I wrote emails to other people looking for advice and help on the situation. I wrote her dad two emails. I wrote to her doctor, my doctor, the charity MIND, Citizens Advice, bloody all sorts......I bet some people got an email thinking why the fug am I getting this shit?

And of course there was the dreaded mumsnet posting..... Cry
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