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need help and info.
#1
Hi to every one, i am a new user and am looking for help and advice.

I have been seeing my ex for 1year and a half. She owns and lives on a boat but is also registered at her mothers council property for postal use. Her plan is to buy the council property in her name to secure her inheritance and avoid paying inheritance taxis and in order to do this she lied to the council and said she lives at the registered council property to look as if she is living there. she was was using the council property as a postal address as she lives on a boat.
The distance between us and the situation has caused a lot of the arguments throughout our relationship. i was accommodating in her plans up until she got pregnant.
I decided that we both needed to look seriously and change our plans as there is another little persons future to think about. I have a reasonably good job and live 10 min away from work and suggested living with me in my flat would be the best option and we could get a transfer to a better place. or sell her boat and with my wages we could get a mortgage and buy a property. But she still wanted to pursue her inheritance. I have not been part of the pregnancy along, I was there on the day of the birth but she had a friend go in with her(someone who would cover her back) (oh ! and make decision about my child if anything went wrong as she was having a c section) and I got to see my daughter for 1 more day, after that I have not seen her since then. Its been close to 3 months now.
What she has done now is get in touch  with the police and told them that I was harassing her and said a whole load of lyes. (I sent her text every day to ask how she is and my baby since I could not see my child.
I'm now being investigated and have been told I'm not to go anywhere near her, effectively using the law to to stop me seeing my child.
I have several recorded conversations where she has admitted her intentions to buy the council property and that she wanted me to be there at her mums house with her. The RELATE people told both of us to record our conversations so she would have been aware of this. I instigated us to go and see the RELATE people to sort out our issues. We went for one meeting at the beginning of the pregnancy and she refused to go for any more.
If I get NFA'd with this harassment claim how do I go about making a complaint?
What are my options and do I have any chance on seeing my daughter again.
Its quite clear it seems to be a running theme that some women are using the law to their advantage.
Its put me through a lot of grief, pain and I feel I;m at a loss here and not sure what I can do about it.
She is wasting police time, my time and left my daughter fatherless and with a stable family home all because of her insistence that she buys this property to secure her inheritance with her mum and dad.
I will do any thing but am unsure where I stand with all the illegal stuff she is doing with the backing of the law.

are there any good affordable solicitors/lawyers or any where i can go for help with all this.

Thank you
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#2
Hi D Hendricks, and welcome.

Sounds like you've got yourself into a very confusing situation. Firstly, and most importantly, this is a forum where people can offer advice and experiences relating to issues of child contact.

Regarding your ex and her possible purchase of her mum's council property. On the face of it she can buy it on behalf of her mother, this is something I have personal experience of from within my own family. My uncle purchased my grandmother's council property on her behalf and she then lived there rent free for the rest of her life. A separate agreement was drawn up stating once my grandmother died the property became his. This was all legal and above board. My uncle lived a few hundred miles away and never lived in the property in question. Sadly my gran died several years later, as old people do, and the property was his free and clear. Nothing illegal was done and it was done with the full knowledge of the local council who originally rented the property to her. They had no problem with it and the transfer from council to her/ him went ahead without issue.
I suggest the reason why your ex seems to be doing this is she is ensuring she has a home to raise her child without the uncertainty of a joint mortgage with anyone else. Whilst you may not like it, on the face of it it does seem quite a sensible thing to do. She won't have to worry about being homeless due to a relationship breakdown or be forced to sell it and split the proceeds. In terms of wanting you to live there, that's great, but I think she was looking to preserve her and her child's future, and along with you there have a decent life together. Your suggestion of her selling her boat and using the funds from that to go towards a property for the three of you sounds good from your point of view, but from hers it put her in a position of jeopardy if things fell apart at a later date. Buying a property in her own right at least gives her future security.

Regarding her allegations to the police and their involvement in your lives, they can only act on the information she gives them, and if she says she believed you were harassing her then they have a duty to act on that information. Depending on what you said in your daily texts, they could be classed as harassment, and the police warning you to stay away is a much better thing for you than being arrested and charged with harassment. They don't have to prove a case, just show that they have investigated and given appropriate advice to you over your behaviour.
No matter how it makes you feel, if she doesn't want you there then you can't force her and she has a right to live without being fearful of what she thinks you might do. If they do NFA it, what are you hoping to complain about? What will you gain from it that'll help you see your child?

What was the purpose of going to relate? If she didn't go then she thinks things aren't worth saving in terms of your relationship, you can't make somebody love you unless they want to.

Now to the child/ father stuff. You ask "What are my options?", well to put it simply, if she doesn't want to talk to you about child contact, in the first instance you'd write to her outlining your concerns for your child if she doesn't get the opportunity of having a good relationship with both parents as she grows up, and putting forward your proposals for contact. Be realistic, ask, don't demand. If you aren't named as the father on the birth certificate you'd need to gain parental responsibility. There is information about how to do this on the Separated Dad's website. If your written negotiations don't work then the next step would be inviting her to mediation to try to resolve it. If this didn't work, or she refuses to attend then you can look at a court application, and unless you reach an agreement then a judge would decide what they think is best for your daughter. Getting through the legal processes will take time, in my case two years, but contact started slowly and eventually, over time, it built up to what I get now, this is every other weekend and half of all holidays.

Remember a baby has a different set of requirements compared to an older child, so demanding overnight contact now would probably be viewed by a judge as unrealistic, but, for example, a couple of hours twice a week would be seen as more reasonable considering her tender age.

Having been through the pain you are now suffering you've got my utmost sympathy. No matter how much females want equality, they don't seem to want it when children are involved. You have to be prepared to fight legally for your daughter's right to a decent relationship with both of you.

On a slightly separate, but none the less important issue, have you made arrangements regarding maintenance for your daughter. It'll be cheaper for you if you can stop officialdom becoming involved in your case, so it is in your interests to pay willingly, no matter how much you may not want to due to the lack of contact you get. Child maintenance and contact aren't linked. You can have one without the other and vica versa.

If you are working then there is pretty much no chance of you getting proper legal help at less than the going rates, and if you decide to seek the services of a solicitor, try to find one who specialise in family law matters and be guided by their advice. They'll have seen it all before.
You might be able to get more advice from local support groups near you, or take a look at the SD website. Plenty of information on all sorts of child related issues there.
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