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enough to go back to court?
Hi Guys,
So the short story is, ex has gone abroad for a week, arranged it with me and all good. However I turned up at the school today to find my 4 year old daughter sat in the classroom by herself crying with the teacher. So the ex fucked off abroad and neither the ex nor the school told me that it was a parents event this afternoon and then the kids all left early with the parents.
My daughter was distraught on the way home, I didnt tell her the truth of course I took the blame and said Id made a mistake and Ill make it up to her.

Here's the kicker, she confirmed what I had suspected, my daughter asked if I could stand at the window of the school next time so I could watch her. When I quizzed her she said "Mummy said that you are not allowed in the school" 
It broke my heart to hear her whimper, while all the other children were watched and left with their parents my daughter was left wondering why I wasnt there.

Back story
After the court order the ex insisted that all school time be ex's contact time. I was advised school events arent a breach and would have to go back to court if I wanted the judges to decide it.

Theres plenty of other stuff of a similar nature, bit of manipulation, isolation and alienation but nothing I would say affects daughters physical safety or welfare.

So give it to me straight, Im a bit emotional for my daughter. Is this enough to kick off the court process again to change the school contact times and go for shared residence? am I overreacting. These things happen?
I wont get a response from the ex so its court or ignore it. Ive got an appointment with the school but as non resident parent Im not expecting much from them.

It sounds a horrible situation and you are not alone regarding the manipulation, isolation and alienation. My only grandchild is 4 years old and we, my son and us, the grandparents) have suffered since she was born. I am ashamed of my own sex and it is time the authorities (nursery and schools etc) stopped treating men as though they have no rights when it comes to being involved with their own child. The affect of the abuse by his ex has caused untold misery, stress and health issues for our family for the past 8 years. It is relentless.
Now it looks very like we will have to go to Court so this will result in more "punishment" from the ex. Sadly the one who suffers most is the child who is a victim of abuse. And my son is more than emotional, if that is possible.
I wish you all the best and hope you get some help from here as i have done.
I would email the school and politely ask them to always keep you informed of any parents events - by email, and to send copies of the school newsletter by email. Then draw a line under it.

Your daughter is probably crying as much because her Mum has gone away as well as nobody being at the school. As for not being allowed into school - well she's out of the country - so you have to! Perfectly reasonable. Expect your daughter was also crying if she had been told you weren't allowed into the school.

I think you do need to be looking at getting a more defined order. She can't tell you you can't go into school. Maybe ignore that and if she tries to file for a breach you can apply to vary then.
All schools have a duty to communicate to everyone with PR equally.

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to make it happen and keep it happening but you shouldn’t need to do more than ring / email the school.

My kids school has been good about it now, they have a set of rules to follow for separated parents and I get all the emails, text messages etc. They also have a google calendar you can subscribe to to see all events. It is probably worth making an appointment with your daughters teacher and maybe head of school for a chat. You’re not the first set of separated parents they will have dealt with.

Long term. Be honest with your daughter. Tell her what’s happened and who’s fault it is. Not maliciously. Just honestly. Stick to being honest and clear and as the years go on she will make up her own mind about who is a liar and who is to be trusted. It won’t be her mum though it will be you.

Long game ok?

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