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Contact stopped by resident parent
#1
I have 2 daughters (12 & 14) and have recently been having issues with my younger daughter choosing not to come to mine  when contact has been arranged (4 times this year). I live over 100 miles away from them and work shifts so making arrangements is hard at the best of times. I have had conversations over the past year with both of my girls regarding contact and I've told them that I don't think it is unreasonable for them to come to mine for my contact 1 weekend a month and I have even tried to arrange it around them so they don't miss there friends birthdays etc. The last conversation was 3 weeks ago during my last contact and they both said that they would make the effort to do as I've asked.

I am meant to be having contact with them this Friday but I found out today that my youngest does not want to come as she has made other plans with her friends. I decided to ring and ask her to explain and when she did I told her that I was disappointed with her for choosing going to town with her friends instead of coming to see me as planned. I then told her that its her choice and she said "ok"......end of call.

Then followed a phone call from my ex accusing me of mental abuse and telling me I have no right to tell my daughter that I'm disappointed with her. She went on to say that I cant have contact with either of them so my elder daughter is not allowed to come this weekend and that I've got to take her back to court if I want any contact.
I have no issue with doing this as I'm pretty sure that I haven't done anything wrong and that the courts will reinstate the order.

Any constructive input will be appreciated
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#2
(09-21-2016, 05:46 PM)Cisse240610 Wrote: I have 2 daughters (12 & 14) and have recently been having issues with my younger daughter choosing not to come to mine  when contact has been arranged (4 times this year). I live over 100 miles away from them and work shifts so making arrangements is hard at the best of times. I have had conversations over the past year with both of my girls regarding contact and I've told them that I don't think it is unreasonable for them to come to mine for my contact 1 weekend a month and I have even tried to arrange it around them so they don't miss there friends birthdays etc. The last conversation was 3 weeks ago during my last contact and they both said that they would make the effort to do as I've asked.

I am meant to be having contact with them this Friday but I found out today that my youngest does not want to come as she has made other plans with her friends. I decided to ring and ask her to explain and when she did I told her that I was disappointed with her for choosing going to town with her friends instead of coming to see me as planned. I then told her that its her choice and she said "ok"......end of call.

Then followed a phone call from my ex accusing me of mental abuse and telling me I have no right to tell my daughter that I'm disappointed with her. She went on to say that I cant have contact with either of them so my elder daughter is not allowed to come this weekend and that I've got to take her back to court if I want any contact.
I have no issue with doing this as I'm pretty sure that I haven't done anything wrong and that the courts will reinstate the order.

Any constructive input will be appreciated

She is correct with going back to court, but not for what she thinks.

You want a c79, Application for Enforcement.

In law its not her decision or the girls even, once an order is made. The correct was to change things would of been either going back to court for if in agreement, with a Consent Order Application, or making her own Application to Vary the order.

Be aware that now the girls are over 10, should you ex try to change things, then "Wishes and Desires" can come into it, however, as your only asking for 1 weekend in 4, I can not see a Judge changing that.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
I don't think you understand my point fully. I know I can't force my daughters in to coming to mine for contact(and don't want to).
The issue is my ex using the "mental abuse" excuse to stop contact with regard to my eldest daughter this weekend and telling me to go back to court for contact.
I want my daughters to have the option of coming to mine in the future without my ex trying to stop them without good reason.
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#4
(09-21-2016, 07:10 PM)Cisse240610 Wrote: I don't think you understand my point fully. I know I can't force my daughters in to coming to mine for contact(and don't want to).
The issue is my ex using the "mental abuse" excuse to stop contact with regard to my eldest daughter this weekend and telling me to go back to court for contact.
I want my daughters to have the option of coming to mine in the future without my ex trying to stop them without good reason.

Enforcement of a current order is separate to dealing with arrangements going forward.

Not enforcing it might been that your ex can claim that contact was stopped by agreement, and if at any stage you wanted it back, you would have to then show "significant" reason why, only going back as far as when you last had contact.

If you want to change the arrangements, then Apply to Vary the Order at the same time. State your ex has stopped contact happening, and while the girls are older now, you do have concerns about how they come to their decision not to come, so you would like the court to get a "wishes and desires" report done.

The best way forward is a set timetable on contact (perhaps a rolling rota over 4 weeks), and with the school holidays, you can ask the court to order dates to be agreed 2 -3 months in advance.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply


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