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Is anyone else scared of being alone forever?
#1
40 years old.

From time to time I have this huge fear that this is it, Im going to be alone for the rest of my life.
I never had that much confidence with girls before, and now Im old, balding and tired.

I know its early days and Im still in the wake of whats happened, but I just feel so sad about it, like Im going to be lonely for the rest of my life.

Anyone else feel like this?
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#2
I'm sure you are not alone in this feeling and one you will likely get over in time but i can recommend Tinder for a good old fashioned confidence boost and a bit of flirty fun and more if you so wish.

You'll be pleasantly surprised
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#3
I think it would be more cause for concern if that fear didn't cross your mind from time to time.

40 isnt old and you are only tired because the shit we are going through is exhausting - that will level out.

When you are ready stick some clippers through the hair, buy some new pants, splash some Brut around the chops and go feast. There are plenty of women out there with the same fear of being lonely.

Internet dating will see you ok.
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#4
I'm 41, haven't been single for more than a month or two at a time since I was 16 & even when I was I had "lady friends".

It's a weird thought, going back to dating again after over 17 years but I never used to have a problem before so guess I need to dig deep & see if I can find that old charm again.

I'm still living with the ex at the moment & plan on that remaining so until we get the ball rolling on selling the house in the new year & go our own ways. I feel pretty lonely at the moment, she's like the Ice Queen from hell but the kids are still around I guess.

I am nervous about being on my own initially but I've already planned on spoiling myself with a new wardrobe & hitting the dating websites as soon as I'm comfortable that I'm on my feet again. I'm gonna make it clear, when I do, that I'm not looking for anything serious so hopefully I may find some like-minded women for a while.

After that, who knows. I wasn't looking for anything when I met my ex over 17 years ago but we did manage 17 years & have 2 amazing boys out of it so anything could be around the corner again.
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#5
You are not alone mate by any stretch of imagination.

I am quite few years older that you and worry everyday about not ever being able to bring myself to commit to a long term and meaningfull relationship.

Short term casual relationships are easy and gives a little boost to one's ego, but just that really. It doesn't do it for me.

The main obstacle for me is myself and being able to have trust in another partner.
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#6
Sometimes it is better to be alone and happy than with someone and unhappy.

It’s a hell of an adjustment going from having a family to living alone but in time some people even grow to prefer it. Some go on to develop a great social life and some are just happy to keep themselves to themselves.

If you are happy that goes a long way in the attractiveness to the opposite sex stakes. People are generally not attracted to miserable people.

Don’t run before you can walk. Think practicalities first, somewhere to live, adjust to having less income, do things you like doing as often as possible. Happiness is attractive, unhappiness makes you vulnerable to grabbing a wrong ‘un just cos you don’t want to be alone. A wrong ‘un is certainly NOT what you want or need at this time.
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#7
(12-07-2018, 10:09 PM)Hazy Wrote: Sometimes it is better to be alone and happy than with someone and unhappy.

It’s a hell of an adjustment going from having a family to living alone but in time some people even grow to prefer it.  Some go on to develop a great social life and some are just happy to keep themselves to themselves.

If you are happy that goes a long way in the attractiveness to the opposite sex stakes.  People are generally not attracted to miserable people.

Don’t run before you can walk. Think practicalities first, somewhere to live, adjust to having less income, do things you like doing as often as possible. Happiness is attractive, unhappiness makes you vulnerable to grabbing a wrong ‘un just cos you don’t want to be alone. A wrong ‘un is certainly NOT what you want or need at this time.

Pretty good advice here, Hazy.  My immediate thoughts were to go out and get a new girlfriend.  I got introduced to somebody within three months and started seeing her, but it was a mistake.  I had to finish it after a few weeks and the relief was tangible.

Yes - don't run before you can walk. I know now that I have to finalise the separation, get the kids sorted, money, house, work and my own issues - both the damage that's been done and underlying emotional issues that have be re-awoken as a result of this trauma.  In a nutshell,  I'm not ready.

And like you say, perhaps I'll end up being happy just on my own. My neighbour has just retired and lives a happy life with loads of travel and social events. He split up from his wife decades ago.  My brother has been single most of his life and doesn't understand the point of a girlfriend.  I remember in my 20s, coming out of one long-term relationship and going straight into another within 2 months.  I always regretted it and new I needed time on my own.  When I finally got single at 25, I loved it.  I only had one real relationship in 6 years, and that was only 9-10 months.  They were valuable years and I found my identity and learnt skills and met people that changed the course of my life enormously.
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#8
I feel like that at the moment....it scares the sht out of me. In a way I'm looking forward to getting away from my stbx. I guess we just need to see what the future holds...and try to make the most of what's coming our way....alone or not. Online dating sounds good but I think it's a long way off for me.
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#9
Something will kick in when you feel the time is right. I was down my local last night (nothing unusual there at the moment) & found myself in a lot of eye contact with quite an attractive lady a few tables away. I don't think it was my imagination, I'd look over & catch her looking at me, she'd look away straight away then glance back a few seconds later & eye contact was back. This went on for quite a while. A couple of lads I was drinking with spotted it & said to me "you're being eyed up mate".

This is the first time since my split I've been in this situation & part of me (especially having a few pints of "courage" in me) wanted to act on it but something in my head kicked in so I just left it & I went home a little while later.

I'm kicking myself a bit today but "Hey, I still live with my ex & kids at the moment, I'm going to be going through a shit storm next year when we really get into the splitting up process & may be slightly mentally unstable throughout, can I buy you a drink?" isn't exactly the best starting point....

Ride it out, take time for yourself until you're comfortable enough to know what you want moving forward. Then, make your plan regarding the future relationship front. My grandfather divorced in his 60's, remarried & by the time he died at 93 (4 years ago now) he'd buried an ex-wife, another wife & was still trying to pull eligible widows in the managed flats he lived in until the bitter end!
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#10
I really relate to this. I can't help but feel that a divorcee in his 40's with two kids isn't going to be on many women's lists, even if I look like Brad Pitt. Which I don't. If it is on some women's list I would very much like to know why!

I was quite suited to a comfortable married life, I've never been someone who relishes the prospect of meeting lots of new people. I'm also probably a little bit too comfortable on my own too. I worry about that part of it. Given we are social animals, I can't help but think that life is better with someone to share it with.

I think the only solution would be to find a single mother with a great kid who has been f***ed over by her husband so knows where I'm coming from! I'll put that on the Tinder profile.
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