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About 'venting' 'ranting' etc.
#11
I should've been here last night to vent, instead I completely lost it with her.

Not good, bad moment, lots of shit said, off guard, plot lost....... oh well.
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#12
"I don't get angry... instead I analyse the arse off everything ... instead I get sad"

Yep, that is more like me too. But then again, I have been accused of being passive aggressive.

DandDad, hope you feel better now.
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#13
I feel no better for it, I feel stupid in fact & I've handed her an upper hand card in my failing to deal with the situation.

It builds up for days/weeks, every time I feel I'm on top of it & not taking the bait I feel that I've won the day & kept my dignity. Then something happens, buttons pressed, all sense of sense goes out of the window & boom, I'm off like a verbal rocket.

Really not a good one but I guess she's certainly under no illusion now as to what I think of her.
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#14
Funny, I used to be the opposite. It drove my Ex up the wall that she could not get a reaction from me.

I used to be like that naturally, but I admit it was kind of satisfying to have that effect on her, as deep down I was bottling up all my anger. So that was my revenge.

I feel none of those two approaches are very constructive.
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#15
(12-24-2018, 04:32 PM)DanDad Wrote:  buttons pressed, all sense of sense goes out of the window & boom, I'm off like a verbal rocket ...

... I guess she's certainly under no illusion now as to what I think of her.

It might not be such a bad thing for her to know what you think. 

Look - this might be the most stupidly obvious thing anybody has ever said to you and feel free to tell me straight - but are you able to identify those buttons and devise a plan to make it less easy for her to press 'em? Is there some kind of game going on where she presses your buttons so you go off on one and she knows in advance that you'll feel bad about it afterwards?
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#16
Merry Christmas Jim!

Not stupid & obvious at all, precise & to the point. I'm not one for new years resolutions but I'm making one this year to stay calm. I'll devise a method of realising when I'm going to go pop in advance of it & find a way of distracting myself from it & removing myself from the situation. I'm also not one for reading books but "The Chimp Paradox" is on my shopping list...
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#17
(12-25-2018, 10:04 AM)DanDad Wrote: Merry Christmas Jim!

Not stupid & obvious at all, precise & to the point. I'm not one for new years resolutions but I'm making one this year to stay calm. I'll devise a method of realising when I'm going to go pop in advance of it & find a way of distracting myself from it & removing myself from the situation. I'm also not one for reading books but "The Chimp Paradox" is on my shopping list...

Merry Christmas to you too. 

I'm not one for recommending books but this came along at the right moment a couple of weeks ago: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Forget the author's name. Am going to google Chimp Paradox to find out some more.
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#18
The Chimp Paradox is an excellent book.
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